Part 41 (2/2)
Christopher was silent for a moment, and clasped her very close. But he was not so much surprised as he would have been had Elisabeth made such an astounding revelation to him in the days of his health. When one is drawing near to the solution of the Great Mystery, one loses the power of wondering at anything.
”How did you find it out, my dearest?” he asked at last.
”Through finding out that you loved me. It seems to me that my love was always lying in the bank at your account, but until you gave a cheque for it you couldn't get at it. And the cheque was my knowing that you cared for me.”
”And how did you find that out, Betty?”
”I was rummaging in the safe just now for the plans of the Osierfield, and I came upon your letter.”
”I didn't mean you to read that while I was alive; but, all the same, I think I am rather glad that you did.”
”And I am glad, too. I wish I hadn't always been so horrid to you, Chris; but I believe I should have loved you all the time, if only you had given me the chance. Still, I was horrid--dreadfully horrid; and now it is too late to make it up to you.” And Elisabeth's eyes filled with tears.
”Don't cry, my darling--please don't cry. And, besides, you have made it up to me by loving me now. I am glad you understand at last, Betty; I did so hope you would some day.”
”And you forgive me for having been so vile?”
”There is nothing to forgive, sweetheart; it was my fault for not making you understand; but I did it for the best, though I seem to have made a mess of it.”
”And you like me just the same as you did before I was unkind to you?”
”My dear, don't you know?”
”You see, Chris, I was wanting you to be nice to me all the time--nothing else satisfied me instead of you. And when you seemed not to like me any longer, but to care for doing your duty more than for being with me, I got sore and angry, and decided to punish you for making a place for yourself in my heart and then refusing to fill it.”
”Well, you did what you decided, as you generally do; there is no doubt of that. You were always very p.r.o.ne to administer justice and to maintain truth, Elisabeth, and you certainly never spared the rod as far as I was concerned.”
”But now I see that I was wrong; I understand that it was because you cared so much for abstract right, that you were able to care so much for me; a lower nature would have given me a lower love; and if only we could go through it all again, I should want you to go to Australia after George Farringdon's son.”
Christopher's thin fingers wandered over Elisabeth's hair; and as they did so he remembered, with tender amus.e.m.e.nt, how often he had comforted her on account of her dark locks. Now one or two gray hairs were beginning to show through the brown ones, and it struck him with a pang that he would no longer be here to comfort her on account of those; for he knew that Elisabeth was the type of woman who would require consolation on that score, and that he was the man who could effectually have administered it.
”I can see now,” Elisabeth went on, ”how much more important it is what a man is than what a man says, though I used to think that words were everything, and that people didn't feel what they didn't talk about. You used to disappoint me because you said so little; but, all the same, your character influenced me without my knowing it; and whatever good there is in me, comes from my having known you and seen you live up to your own ideals. People wonder that worldly things attract me so little, and that my successes haven't turned my head; so they would have done, probably, if I had never met you; but having once seen in you what the ideal life is, I couldn't help despising lower things, though I tried my hardest not to despise them. n.o.body who had once been with you, and looked even for a minute at life through your eyes, could ever care again for anything that was mean or sordid or paltry. Darling, don't you understand that my knowing you made me better than I tried to be--better even than I wanted to be; and that all my life I shall be a truer woman because of you?”
But by that time the stupendous effort which Christopher had made for Elisabeth's sake had exhausted itself, and he fell back upon his pillows, white to the lips, and too weak to say another word. Yet not even the great Shadow could cloud the love that shone in his eyes, as he looked at Elisabeth's eager face, and listened to the voice for which his soul had hungered so long. The sight of his weakness brought her down to earth again more effectually than any words could have done; and with an exceeding bitter cry she hid her face in her arms and sobbed aloud--
”Oh! my darling, my darling, come back to me; I love you so that I can not let you go. The angels can do quite well without you in heaven, but I can not do without you here. Oh! Chris, don't go away and leave me, just now that we've learned to understand one another. I'll be good all my life, and do everything that you tell me, if only you won't go away.
My dearest, I love you so--I love you so; and I've n.o.body in the world but you.”
Christopher made another great effort to take her in his arms and comfort her; but it was too much for him, and he fainted away.
CHAPTER XVIII
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HILLS
Shall I e'er love thee less fondly than now, dear?
Tell me if e'er my devotion can die?
Never until thou shalt cease to be thou, dear; Never until I no longer am I.
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