Part 28 (1/2)

That brought a smile to his lips. ”Good.”

”Yep.” James chuckled. ”Rose had it coming. Tell me, dear bro, how do you plan to fix this cl.u.s.terf.u.c.k and get your woman back?”

Cole lifted his shoulders. f.u.c.k if he knew how. He'd f.u.c.ked it up good. And seeing as he sucked with words, he'd probably make it all worse if he tried to contact her. ”Maybe it's all for the best she left.”

That sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach got exponentially worse at the thought of leaving the situation as it was.

”I recall a certain brother of mine telling me not so long ago when Tate didn't want to get involved with me that if she threw me out, I should pick myself up and try again. Make her listen.”

”That was you. You and Tate are meant for each other.”

James was silent for a while, then began, ”You know, Tate has gotten much better, but she wasn't so great with words at the beginning. Explaining her feelings, letting others-me, that is-in. She didn't know how to do that. She's more than made up for that now, but it was hard, man. I knew where she was coming from, I knew why she was so defensive, so d.a.m.n scared, but still. It's c.r.a.p to be shut out. I know from experience. And that's what you do, Cole. You shut people out.”

Cole snorted. ”I've been trying to shut you out for years. It hasn't worked yet.”

James laughed. ”And it won't. I'm your brother. But I meant women. You shut women out.”

Yeah, he knew. But he didn't want to talk about that. He was too busy sulking. He didn't know what had come over him to shut Christy out in that manner. He'd seen those bags on the bed and he'd lost it. She'd tried to explain, but he thought she was just giving him excuses-lies. Offering him crumbs to pacify him, as his mother had done when he'd tried to stop her from leaving all those years ago.

”I thought she was leaving, man. I didn't let her explain. I just a.s.sumed-”

”I know what you a.s.sumed, Cole. Christy is not Mom. When are you going to get over the fact that she bailed on us and stop mistrusting women?”

”I got over it a long time ago, a.s.shole.”

”Bulls.h.i.+t. Mom has tainted the way you look at women. Because of her, you keep them at a distance, as if they aren't worthy of your trust, as if at any given moment they'll cut your head off. You can pretend you don't care about Christy, but I can see it in your face. You love her.”

Cole turned to him to say G.o.d knew what, probably to lie, but James snorted. ”You are in love with Christy. And you are scared s.h.i.+tless that she'd do you in like Mom did Dad and all of us. You don't want to rely on her for fear she'll disappear on you, taking your heart with her. I won't watch with my mouth shut while you throw away one of the best things that has ever happened to you.”

Cole didn't lift his eyes from the beer. He really didn't want to hear this.

”Rachel packed and never looked back. So just f.u.c.king forgive me if I wasn't in a hurry to put myself in the same position for another woman.”

”And what made you think Christy would have done that to you?”

Experience? Cole thought, but he kept his mouth shut.

James shook his head. ”Mom emotionally crippled you, Cole. You need to let go. I love you, man, and I don't want this kind of life for you. I want you happy. I want you in love. I want for you what I have, and you won't get it unless you open up and let yourself love and trust unconditionally.”

He s.h.i.+fted in his seat, feeling extremely uncomfortable with the conversation. His brother was right. Not that he was admitting it to him anytime this century, though. ”Since when did you transform into Dr. Phil?”

James shrugged, his body language also betraying his uneasiness. ”I haven't, believe me. Talking about this is making me as uncomfortable as you look, so I'm going to stop now.”

Cole sighed in visible relief. ”Good.”

”I just thought this had to be said. Glad it's over, though.” James took a long swallow of his beer. ”Let's go back to less private matters. How's your d.i.c.k? Any permanent damage from the coffee burns?”

Chapter Sixteen.

Cole had been standing in front of Christy's LA home for a while already. Time to bite the bullet. Drawing in a deep breath, he marched up to the front porch.

Since his conversation with James, he must have called her a dozen times. She hadn't picked up the phone even once. He wasn't good with words, granted, but other forms of communication he excelled at, and he understood a f.u.c.k off when he was handed one. Nevertheless here he was. There was no other option available to him.

Cole was about to knock when he heard voices.

He stilled, hand halting in midair, recognizing Christy's voice and that of a man. He froze. Jealousy, fear, and a bunch of other feelings tightened in the pit of his stomach. It sounded like she was having a heated discussion with-Cole paid attention-Todd?

And there he was again, asking her to behave.

”...in spite of still thinking you're being unreasonable, I agree to consider our engagement terminated.”

Christy laughed. ”You agree? I don't give a s.h.i.+t what you agree to.”

Cole knew he was shamelessly eavesdropping, but for the life of him, he couldn't make his sorry a.s.s move away from the door.

”...but the ring is another matter. You don't want me, fine,” Todd added melodramatically. ”You shouldn't want my ring either.”

”Your ring? All this nagging me is about the stupid ring? I couldn't care less about it. Mrs. Patty in Alden has it, and you're welcome to get it from her.”

”Mrs. Patty, you say?”

Cole let out a smile. His woman was devious. She didn't need any help from him.

He took a step backward and decided to go wait by his car, which he'd parked in front of her place. As he stood there, the memories of where he'd been that morning before flying to his woman rolled over him.

The cemetery was small and well kept. Cole strode around until he found her tombstone, a beautiful and simple one-piece white marble. Rachel Anna Bowen, her married surname, the one she'd never changed. Today made six months to the day since his mother's death. Cole stood in front of it reading the small epitaph. May she find in heaven the peace she couldn't find on earth. He'd had no clue Dad had covered the costs of her burial, but looking at her headstone, he knew he had. Rachel had had no insurance and had been financially broke; there was no way she could have afforded any of this.

He stood there, chest tight, feeling like a d.a.m.n fool. What was he hoping to accomplish here? Get some kind of closure? This stone didn't have any more answers for him than his mother had been able to offer. f.u.c.k that. He was out of there. He rubbed his eyes, sandy as they were from lack of sleep, when suddenly he realized they were fogging. Oh s.h.i.+t.

As he was about to walk out, he sensed someone standing behind him.

”h.e.l.lo, son,” he heard a raspy voice say behind him. His father moved beside him, his gaze never leaving the tombstone. ”What a surprise to find you here.”

He didn't answer and didn't look at him either, but stared at the well-kept plot, at the fresh flowers. So nice and neat. So not Rachel.

”You've been paying for the upkeep, haven't you? I mean, on top of taking care of the funeral.”

The old man nodded.

Cole's stare bore down on him. ”After all she did to you, why do you bother?”

He chuckled softly. ”What is it exactly that she did to me, son?”

Cole didn't bother to answer. What did his dad need, a list?