Part 26 (1/2)
He was going to ignore her words.
Her throat clutched up, and her eyes stung. She felt hurt and rejected, but she fought those feelings. She was in a relations.h.i.+p with someone who wasn't the most emotionally available man in the world. She'd known that, no big deal.
She thought she wouldn't be able to fall asleep, but she was wrong, for exhaustion claimed her almost right away.
Chapter Fifteen.
Light was p.r.i.c.king Cole's eyes. Still half-asleep, he reached for Christy and came up empty. She wasn't in bed. Disoriented and a bit groggy, he opened his eyes and squinted. The sun had risen long ago. He'd overslept, which was totally unheard of for a guy who always woke at the crack of dawn, most times without the aid of an alarm clock.
He took a fast shower and, without bothering much with drying, wrapped a towel around his hips and strode to the living room.
”Christy?”
Silence.
As he poked his head into the kitchen, he realized there was a note by the coffeemaker.
Gone to get your disgusting double grind coffee thingy you like so much from the diner. Back in 5. Don't start breakfast without me. Love, Christy.
There was a scrambled L before the word love, as if she'd begun writing the word, then rethought it and crossed it out. Then she'd changed her mind again and finally written it. He smiled, his gaze lingering on that word. In spite of all Christy's hang-ups, expressing affection wasn't one of them. She had no trouble throwing those kinds of bombs. Unlike him. As an adult he hadn't said those words to anybody. He broke into cold sweats at the mere thought of it; the possibility of leaving himself so open terrified him. One thing he was certain about, though: he did love her, with all his heart-irrevocably. He was just too chickens.h.i.+t to come out and say it.
He should have told her he loved her or acknowledged her words somehow, but he'd found it d.a.m.n difficult to talk around the football-sized lump lodged in his throat. Besides, her telling him she loved him had gone straight to his groin, like a fist squeezing his b.a.l.l.s and his heart at the same time. His c.u.m had boiled inside his shaft, the need to possess her and come inside her so intense that he'd all but gone insane. Not very mature, true, but f.u.c.k if he could have done anything differently.
After making love with Christy, he'd lain wide awake for hours, wrapped around her, listening to her heartbeat. Reevaluating his life and considering things he'd never considered before. Wondering how he'd gotten so d.a.m.n lucky that such a precious thing found him worthy of love. p.i.s.sed at himself for being so closemouthed too. And thunderstruck that he'd let her tie him.
He had relinquished control because she'd needed the barriers down, and he'd trusted her, not only with his body but with his soul. Leaving himself physically and emotionally vulnerable to her. To a woman. He wasn't too happy with himself, but there was nothing he could do-he was done in. He'd just have to man up and get over it. Tell her he loved her and ask her to move in with him. He had plenty of room in his house for her, so they could transform the guest room into a studio for her. She could keep her computers there, work on her codes and algorithms from home, telecommuting to work if she wanted to continue as a programmer for that dot-com company out in LA. Or she could stay at the library. The town needed a librarian well versed in new technologies, and his woman was the perfect candidate. Whatever she wanted, he'd agree to as long as she stayed in Alden-with him.
She was the one for him, he knew. He felt it deep inside him, a fire that warmed him from inside out. Going nonverbal was his best chance, but if that wasn't an option, then he'd just have to swallow hard and fumble his way into telling her he loved her. He had no clue how he was going to manage that, but he'd do it. He'd muster the courage to look into those witch eyes and bare his soul. Lower his defenses and offer his heart to her, trusting she wouldn't stomp all over it.
He heard the doorbell ring and shook those thoughts away. It had to be Christy, he thought as he strode to the front door. Somewhere here he had spare keys he was going to give to her as soon as he found them. He might have trouble expressing feelings, talking the talk so to speak, but sure as h.e.l.l he could walk the walk. She got his keys, and he got her. That was more than a fair trade.
”Sweetheart, if you're going to run out on me before breakf-” The words died in his throat. It wasn't Christy standing at his door with coffee; it was Rose.
He slammed the door in her face because she didn't deserve any better, but she kept insistently ringing at the bell, so he opened again.
”Go. Away.”
”Please,” she begged. ”I need to talk to you.”
”Now is not the time, Rose.”
”Please. It'd be only a minute,” she said. ”I know how upset you must be.”
Upset? Try furious. He considered slamming the door in her face again, but he didn't want his woman coming home and finding Rose banging at the door. It would upset her, so he motioned Rose to come in.
She marched into the living room, then turned to him.
”Make it quick,” he ordered, crossing his arms over his chest. ”What do you want?”
She licked her lips, and smiling tentatively, reached out to him, but he frowned and she dropped her hand. ”I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
”Me?”
”I'd expect the pictures were a shock to you too. You left in such a hurry...we wouldn't have resorted to such dramatic measures, but she didn't leave us any alternative.”
”I went after Christy, Rose. As a matter of fact, you just missed her. I've been f.u.c.king her all night long. Your point?”
She looked downright perplexed. ”But I thought you wouldn't want to...you know...continue seeing her after that.” And then, as if it had just dawned on her, her eyes grew big. ”You already knew about it?” she said almost in a whisper, surprise thick in her voice.
Cole let out an impatient breath. ”You thought I'd be in shock because of the pictures and dump her over that? Which planet do you come from, Rose?”
”Pardon?” she asked, looking genuinely confused.
He wasn't going to bother explaining jack s.h.i.+t to Rose. In her world appearances were king, and she was too d.a.m.n shallow to understand where true beauty lay. Not that Christy wasn't a knockout. ”The only thing that was a shock to me was your behavior. You should be ashamed of yourself. You tried to humiliate her. And you insulted her. I won't tolerate that.”
”So did she,” Rose complained mildly. ”She didn't hold her tongue when she said all those nasty things to me.”
No, she didn't, Cole remembered with pleasure. His woman had known how to hold her own. Even as devastated as she'd been, she'd held her head up and stood up to Rose. ”Yes, and that was why you were spared my wrath. You're lucky you are not a man, because you'd be toothless and lying in a pool of your own blood if you were. It was a mistake for you to come here. You're pus.h.i.+ng your luck. You don't insult her. h.e.l.l, you don't talk to her. Are we clear? Unless it's for apologizing.”
”I'm sorry,” she apologized, fidgeting.
Sorry his a.s.s. Rose was a spoiled brat who only felt sorry when she didn't get her way. He would never touch a woman in anger, but d.a.m.n, that Rose's dad had dropped the ball. She should have been turned over a knee and gotten a spanking a long time ago.
He loomed over her. ”And you should be sorry. But as I said, you need to apologize to Christy, not to me.”
”Apologize to Christy? Why? You surely don't mean that, do you? I was trying to do everyone a favor.”
He must have looked feral, for she lifted her eyes to him and with a frightened expression took a hasty step backward. Then her feet somehow caught on the rug, and she lost her balance. Her arms fumbled in the air, and in an attempt to grab on to him, she yanked his towel. As he lunged himself forward to steady her and get the cloth back, she pulled at him on her way down over the arm of the couch and he tripped, landing almost on top of her.
Before he could disentangle himself, Rose latched on to him like a f.u.c.king tick.
”Motherf.u.c.ker!” he heard someone yell from the now open door.
The day had started so wonderfully. She'd woken up earlier than Cole, a first, and had decided to make him breakfast. As she'd headed down to turn on the coffee machine, she'd changed her mind and gotten the spare keys she'd seen on the dresser and gone to the diner. She'd intended to buy Cole that double-ground coffee stuff he liked so much, but then in the spur of the moment she'd decided to get him pancakes too. He loved them, and, he'd always been very accommodating with her eating habits. The least she could do was be flexible too. She couldn't prepare them herself, that was out of the question, but get some for him to eat at home? That she could do.
Besides, she had to get out of the house and face the town sometime. Today was as good a day as any. And everyone had an infernal picture in their repertoire, right? That one from Lisa's wedding was hers. If she could live with it, as sure as h.e.l.l the inhabitants of Alden could too.
On her way to the diner, Aunt Maggie had intercepted her. Christy had tried to talk to her, apologize for not telling her the truth about the food, for ruining the party, but she wouldn't listen to any of it.
”You don't have anything to apologize for, dear.”
Aunt Maggie had kissed and hugged Christy and all but ordered her to come with Cole to eat at her place later on.
Sniffing away tears, Christy had headed back to Cole's. She'd been disappointed that he'd ignored her declaration last night, but she'd decided to get over herself. She'd known Cole didn't come by trust easily. It would be okay. He would come around. She knew he had feelings for her, so she just had to be patient. Give him some time.