Part 15 (2/2)

”It doesn't matter.”

The smile collapsed. Virginia swallowed. ”Are you sure you wouldn't like coffee?”

”No, thank you.” He began to look about for somewhere to stub out his cigarette. She found him a saucer and put it on the table, and he demolished the stub as through he had a personal, vicious grudge against it.

”I must go.”

”But . . .”

He turned towards her, waiting for her to finish. She lost her nerve. ”Yes. It's been a good day. It was kind of you to give up your day for us and show us the cove and . . . everything.” Her voice sounded high-pitched and formal as though she were opening a sale of work. ”The children loved it.”

”They're good children.”

”Yes. I . . .”

”When are you going back to Scotland?”

The abruptness of the question, the coldness of his voice, were shocking. She was suddenly cold, a s.h.i.+ver of apprehension trickling down her spine like a stream of icy water.

”I . . . I'm not sure.” She took hold of the back of one of the wooden chairs, leaning against it as if for support. ”Why do you ask?”

”You're going to go back.”

It was a statement, not a question. Faced with it, Virginia's natural diffidence leapt to the worst conclusion. Eustace expected her to go, even wanted her to go. She heard herself telling him, with marvellous lightness, ”Well, some time, of course. After all, it's my home. The children's home.”

”I hadn't realized until this evening that it was such a considerable property ...”

”Oh, you mean, Cara's photographs ...”

”But then, you have plenty of people to help you run it.”

”I don't run it, Eustace.”

”Then you should. Learn something about farming. You'd be surprised how much there is to it. You should take an interest, start up something new. An Aberdeen Angus herd. Did your husband ever think of doing that? You can sell a good bull at the Perth sales for sixty, seventy thousand pounds?”

It was like a conversation in a nightmare, mad and pointless. She said, ”Can you?” but her mouth was dry and the words scarcely made any sound at all.

”Of course. And who knows, one day you may have built up something really great to hand on to that boy of yours.”

”Yes.”

He said again, ”I must go.” The trace of a smile crossed his features. ”It was a good day.”

But Virginia remembered a better one, that other day she had spent with Eustace, the spring afternoon of sun and wind when he had brought her an ice-cream and finally driven her home. And he had promised to telephone her, and then forgotten, or perhaps he had changed his mind. She realized that she had been waiting, all afternoon, for him to tell her what really happened. She had been expecting him to bring up the subject, perhaps as a story for the children to hire, or as a sc.r.a.p of harmless nostalgia to be remembered, over the years, by two old friends. But he had said nothing. And now she would never know.

”Yes.” She let go of the chair and straightened up, folding her arms across her chest as though she were trying to stay warm. ”A special day. The kind that people never forget.”

He moved towards her, around the edge of the table, and Virginia turned away from him and went to open the door. Cool air, smelling sweet and damp, flooded in from a night arched mi a sapphire sky, bright with stars. Out of the darkness a curlew sent up its long mournful cry.

He was beside her. ”Good night, Virginia.”

”Good night, Eustace.”

And then he was going down the steps, away from her, over the wall and down the fields towards the old farmyard where he had left his car. The dusk swallowed him. She closed the door and locked it and went back to the kitchen and took the children's cocoa mugs and washed them, slowly and carefully. She heard his Land-Rover go grinding up past the gate, up the lane towards the main road, heard the sound of the engine die away into the quiet night, but she never looked up from what she was doing. When the mugs were dry, the tea towel folded and there was nothing more to do, she found that she was exhausted. She turned off the lights and went slowly upstairs and undressed and climbed into bed. Her body lay slack, but the inside of her head behaved as though she had been living on black coffee for a week.

He doesn't love you.

I never thought he did.

But you were beginning to think so. After today.

Then I was wrong. We have no future together. He made that very clear.

What did you imagine was going to happen?

I imagined that he would be able to talk about what happened ten years ago.

Nothing happened. And why should he remember?

Because I did. Because Eustace was the most important person, the most important thing that ever happened to me.

You didn't remember. You married Anthony Keile.

They were married in London, in July; Virginia in a cream satin dress with a six foot train and a veil that had belonged to Lady Keile's grandmother, and Anthony in a grey frock-coat and an immaculately cut pair of sponge-bag trousers. They emerged from St. Michael's, Chester Square, with bells jangling, sun s.h.i.+ning, and a small retinue of beribboned bridesmaids exttorting oohs and aahs of admiration from the thin crowd of inquisitive women who had realised that there was a wedding going on, and hung about to see what turned up when the doors were opened.

The excitement, the champagne, the pleasures of being loved and congratulated and kissed kept Virginia going until it was time to go upstairs and change, Her mother was there, ubiquitous, efficient, to unzip the clinging satin and unpin the borrowed tiara and the filmy veil.

”Oh, my dear, it all went off so beautifully, and you really did look enchanting, even though perhaps I shouldn't say anything so conceited about my own child . . . Darling, you're s.h.i.+vering, you're surely not cold?”

”No. I'm not cold.”

”Change your shoes, then, and I'll help you on with your dress.”

It was rose pink, with a tiny petalled hat to match, a charming useless ensemble that she would never wear again. She imagined coming back from her honeymoon, still wearing paper silk and pink petals, a little crushed by now, and going brown at the edges. (But of course they couldn't go brown, they weren't real, they were pretence petals . . . ) ”And your suitcase is in the boot of Anthony's car, such a good idea taking a taxi round to the flat and picking the car up there, then you have none of this terrible horse-play with kippers and old shoes.”

A roar, a galloping of feet, came from the pa.s.sage outside the bedroom. Anthony's voice was raised in a comic sound like a hunting horn. ”There! He sounds as though he's ready.” She kissed Virginia briskly. ”Have a good time, my darling.”

The door burst open, and Anthony stood there, wearing the suit that he had chosen to go away in, and with a large sun hat on the top of his head. He was considerably drunk.

”Here she is! We're off to the South of France, my love, which is why I am wearing this hat-Mrs. Parsons, laughing indulgently, removed it, smoothed his hair with her long fingers, straightened his tie. She might have been the bride, not Virginia, who stood and watched this little ceremony with a face that held no expression whatsoever. Anthony held out a hand to her. ”Come on,” he said. ”Time we went.”

The hired car, awash in confetti, took them back to the Parsons' flat, where Anthony's car was waiting for them. The plan had been that they should get straight into his car and drive to the airport, but Virginia had a latch-key in her purse, and instead, they let themselves in and Went into the kitchen, and she tied an ap.r.o.n around the pink silk dress, and Anthony sat on the table and watched while she brewed him up a jug of black coffee.

For their honeymoon they had been lent a villa in Antibes. By their second day Anthony had met an old friend; by the end of the first week, he knew everyone in the place. Virginia told herself that this was what she had expected, was what she wanted. Anthony's gregarious inducts were part of his charm, and one of the things that had attracted her to him in the first place. Besides, after one day it became very obvious that they were going to find it hard to think of things to say to each other. Conversation at meals was inclined to be distinctly sticky. She realized then, that they had never been alone together before now.

There was a couple, called Janey and Hugh Rouse; he was a writer and they had rented a house at Cap Ferrat. Janey was older than Virginia and Virginia liked her, and found her easy to talk to. Once, sitting on the terrace at the Rouses's house, waiting for the men to come up from the rocks, Janey had said, ”How long have you known Anthony, honey?” She had lived, as a child, in the States, and although she did not speak with an American accent, her speech was spattered with words and phrases which instantly gave her origins away.

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