Part 24 (1/2)
Just as I hadn't.
She'd remember it all when she jumped at a lover's innocent touch. Or when she recoiled at a stranger's choice of words. Or when she felt uneasy because she was near the place where the loss occurred.
She'd remember it all, time after time, in shadows, the hardest kind of memories to grasp.
For a moment, I let myself feel how much Zeb and Jessica meant to me, and I wanted to cry. When it seemed as if the world were crumbling around me, I'd think of the kids. Of them running to hug me, reaching up but only grabbing my legs. Of their blonde hair. Of their brilliant questions, masked in simplicity. Of their perfect posture, spines unbent by trouble. Of their absolute, unwavering trust of adults.
I never violated that trust. I never lied to them. I never spoke to them from my own anger or pain. I never hit them. I never caressed them. But then, I wasn't their parent.
I remembered Jessica waving good-bye as we drove off, her tousled blonde hair blowing in the wind, and I knew she was safe. Her safety showed in who she was. I felt like crying for the safety I never had.
Destiny must have been reading my mind.
”When you're with them, Kris, do you ever think about yourself when you were their age?”
”All the time.” I swallowed hard. ”That's why I don't see them very often. It's too painful.”
”I'll bet you were a cute kid.”
”I was. You should see my baby pictures.”
”I'd love to see them.” She winked at me.
We both laughed because what I'd just said sounded so much like a cheap come-on.
”I didn't mean it that way.”
”I know, and I didn't take it that way.”
”Oh, sure,” I said as I pulled into Destiny's driveway. We both laughed again.
”Thanks for a great day, Kris,” she said and gave me a hug.
”You're very welcome,” I answered, feeling her warmth.
As she was closing the car door, she said, so quietly I could barely hear her, ”I haven't felt this good in a long time.”
Before I could answer, she was off running up her steps. I wanted to run after her, but I didn't.
Little did I know then that the next time I was to see her would be under the strangest of circ.u.mstances. If I had known, I probably would have gone inside and held her all night long, sheltering her from what was to come.
When I got home, there was a message on my phone machine from Fran Green. I let out a little yelp, then ran to my bedroom to hunt for her phone number. When I found it, I rang her immediately.
”Fran Green here.”
”Hi, Fran, it's Kristin Ashe. How's your search coming?”
”Quite well, actually! Located Beth Ann Wolcott,” she said, sounding pleased with herself.
”You're kidding! That was fast! How'd you do it?”
”Called in a few markers at the convent. Denver's just one big small town, and the longer you live here, the smaller it gets.”
”Is she still living in Denver?” I couldn't believe my luck. Frances Green was finis.h.i.+ng up this case for me.
”Certainly is. Never left the city. Been married and divorced and raised a daughter herself.”
”You're kidding! Tell me everything.”
”Called her today. Must say, gave her the shock of her life. Right away, she knew who I was. Remembered the counseling sessions we had.”
I couldn't stand the suspense!
”Does she want to meet Destiny?”
”You're getting ahead of my story.”
”C'mon, Fran, give!”
”Yep!”
”All right!” I let out my loudest, most joyful scream.
”Hold up,” she cautioned me.
”What?” I asked, all worried.
”In the interest of discretion, I didn't tell her anything about Destiny a” not her name, not her job, nothing. Didn't want to shock Beth Ann, finding out her baby turned out to be the most famous lesbian in Denver. Figured the two of them could work it out on their own after they meet.”
”Good thinking. I'm just glad she wants to meet her. Did she ever think of looking for Destiny herself?”
”Couldn't. Legally, no way for her to find her. That's why she was delighted I called. Kids can look for their parents, but parents can't look for their kids.”
”I suppose that's to protect the child.”
”Suppose. At any rate, Beth Ann's going to give her ex-husband a buzz. Wants to talk to him before she meets Destiny.”
”Why?”
”Poor girl never told him about the rape or the child. Held in the secret for all these years... can't imagine it.”
”I can imagine,” I replied, thinking of the duration of my own secrecy. ”But why tell him now?”
”Seems they're good friends. Been through some rough times lately, with their daughter I gathered. Beth Ann didn't say.”