Part 18 (2/2)
”And say what?”
”I don't know!” She threw up her hands in frustration. ”I'm sorry I'm not your real daughter. I'm sorry I found my real family and then discovered they weren't my real family. Or how about this: I'm sorry I was ever born.”
”Oh, c'mon. You know you're not. You know they're not. You know Marie Kenwood's not. For that matter, you better know I'm not sorry you were born.”
”Thanks.” Destiny winked at me, her self-pity instantly gone. ”By the way, I'm a free woman,” she said flippantly, hiding the pain I knew she must feel. ”Last Sat.u.r.day, I told Mich.e.l.le I don't want to date anymore. I'm sure she's already spread the news, but I wanted you to hear it from me.”
”She did tell me. Are you okay?”
”I'm getting by. I'm lonely, but I feel better. The kind of relations.h.i.+ps I've had in the past aren't enough for me now. Remember when you first told me about the incest, when you said all you wanted was a safe place to sleep?”
I nodded.
”After you told me that, I couldn't stop thinking about what you said. I think I've been looking for the same thing all these years. I'm embarra.s.sed to tell you how many women's beds I've been in and left, looking for that place and never finding it. I mean think about my life, Kris, not my life now, but my life as a four-year-old. One night, I'm having a great time at my grandma's, the next morning I wake up and she tells me my parents are dead. Gone forever and all I did was close my eyes. So now, I think I lure all these women into bed, because on some level, I need the comfort of always having someone lying next to me, just in case there's another horrible night.”
”But there will never again be one that bad, Destiny. Never!”
”I know that, but the child in me still looks for comfort.”
”But the adult in you realizes you barely know the woman you just had s.e.x with, and you feel awkward staying and being intimate with a stranger, so you leave in the middle of the night, right?”
Destiny just looked at me, her mouth wide open.
”You're scary sometimes, Kris.”
”What? Am I right? Is that how you feel?”
”I would never have used those words to describe it, but yes, that's exactly how I feel. It's eerie how much you know.”
She paused to look at me intently, almost as if she were seeing me for the first time.
”Anyway, I want more. But I also know I'm nowhere near ready for more. It wasn't fair to drag Mich.e.l.le through all this. I want to be more clear before I get involved with anyone. Who knows, maybe it'll even be Mich.e.l.le when I'm ready.”
”I doubt it.”
”Why?”
”What you found attractive in her a month ago, you no longer find attractive as you open yourself up and ask for more commitment, more trust. Mich.e.l.le isn't capable of what you need.”
”Sometimes, Kris, you're brutally honest.”
”Is that good or bad?”
”When I'm ready to hear it, it's good.”
”And the rest of the time?”
”It's a d.a.m.n irritating habit.”
We both laughed and then were silent, lost in thought. When at last I looked over at her, I caught her openly staring at me.
”Hey, Kris.”
”Hey what?”
”Let's have s.e.x.”
I couldn't tell if she was serious.
”Are you kidding me?”
”What kind of an answer is that? No woman's ever said that to my proposal.”
”I'm serious, Destiny. Are you kidding?”
”Only halfway. You must know I have a crush on you.”
”I was beginning to suspect,” I managed to say in a voice that was conspicuously deep, then I quickly coughed.
”I've had a crush on you since the day I met you, and the more time I spend with you, the worse it gets. Will you stay the night with me?” Her tone was deliberately light, but I could see the seriousness in her eyes.
My heart was racing.
She was leaning back in the folds of the couch, half sitting, half lying down. I saw the light from the fire that caught the color in her hair. I saw her slender hands, clasped in front of her in a relaxed fas.h.i.+on. I saw the curve of her neck and the curve of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s behind her cotton s.h.i.+rt.
I saw all of these parts of her that I'd been afraid to notice before.
”I'll probably regret this the rest of my life,” I coughed again, ”but I need a friend now far more than I need a lover, and so do you, Destiny.”
She dismissed my seriousness with a sweep of her hand.
”And furthermore,” I swallowed hard, ”I know that if we made love, I'd never let go. How could I ever make love with you and not fall in love?”
Her eyes filled up with tears.
'That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.”
”It's true.” I was having trouble breathing.
”For what it's worth, Kris, I don't think I could leave you in the middle of the night.”
”I should hope not. I'd shoot you when I caught up with you the next day.”
Mercifully, my humor broke the s.e.xual tension.
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