Part 12 (2/2)
Next I went to my father's, the house that he shared with his new bride. There, I had no feelings. Absolutely nothing registered. I wanted to cry, to wash it all away.
Purify my body. Purify my soul. But I couldn't.
Where evil hands have touched, is a stain left?
This I wondered as I drove off.
In front of Ann's house, I cried a lot. For her and for me. Her lights were off a” she must have gone to sleep after our phone call. I wondered if she was sleeping well.
Then, it was on to David's, the home he lived in with other chronically mentally ill people. David had been in and out of mental hospitals and boarding houses and even jail since he graduated from high school. Each year, his life seemed to get a little more desperate. Long ago, I'd started to deal with the fact that my brother would probably die at a very young age. Maybe from the effects of his epilepsy. Maybe from the effects of his depression. Maybe from the effects of my parents.
I would have visited Gail and Jill, too, but years earlier, they'd both fled to California.
So, I went home, my tour finished. Riding the elevator up to my apartment, I thought about the incredible highs and lows of the past twenty-four hours. How close they'd been to one another. The high of thinking Destiny had a crush on me a” it had been a long time since I'd felt another woman's attraction to me. And the low of fully realizing the horror of what my father had done to me.
Life's bottom was really just the top turned upside down.
I looked at the clock before I turned out my bedroom light. It read four o'clock. Still, I tossed and turned for a long time before I finally fell asleep.
Someone in my bedroom.
I see a figure, large, hunched over, walking from my bed. Just his back.
Wearing loose-fitting underwear and a T-s.h.i.+rt. The underwear hangs on him exactly like my father's did.
The terror.
I willed myself awake.
Chapter 12.
The phone rang just hours later as I walked into my office.
”Hey, Kris!”
”Destiny, hi! What are you doing?”
”Not much, pretending to work. How about you?”
”I just got in, but I'll start pretending pretty soon.”
”Want to go to dinner tonight?”
I was both surprised and pleased at her invitation.
”I'd love to,” I answered easily.
”Great. I'll come by and get you at seven.”
”Okay. See you then.”
”Not so fast, Kris. I really called to see how you're doing.”
”Never been better,” I lied.
”Really, are you okay?”
”I'm all right.”
”Any regrets about telling me what you did?”
”It feels strange,” I answered which was only partially true.
It felt more than strange. It felt wrong to have talked to Destiny. Too sad. Too painful. Too incriminating.
Bill Ashe, my dad. He belonged to me. I belonged to him.
He was a horrible person. Or maybe he was an ordinary person who had done horrible things, but he was all I had.
I wanted to tell Destiny all of this, but it seemed like further betrayal. My own betrayal.
”Did you sleep well?”
I didn't answer.
”Kris, did you have one of those dreams?”
Still, I didn't answer.
”Kristin Ashe!” she shouted.
”Yes,” I answered in a small voice. ”But I can't talk about it right now, okay?”
”No, not okay!” Her vehemence shocked me. ”We had a pact. Why didn't you call me? I've trusted you more than I've ever trusted anyone. Why can't you trust me?”
”I tried,” I said lamely.
”What, and my line was busy, I suppose?”
”I tried, Destiny. Don't be angry. I just couldn't do it. I dialed the first six numbers of your phone number and then I hung up. I'm not playing games with you. I just couldn't do it,” I said wearily.
”Really, you couldn't?” she asked in a much softer voice.
”Really. I wish I had called you a” then maybe I could have gotten back to sleep. As it is, it's nine in the morning and I'm worn out. I can't do this much more,” I said, and even I could hear the desperation in my voice.
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