Part 22 (1/2)
I didn't know how to answer that, so I said nothing. Never taking his eyes off me, he kept pus.h.i.+ng.
”What would you want if you knew you were going to be converted into a Strigoi against your will? If you knew you would lose all sense of your old morals and understanding of what's right and wrong? If you knew you'd live the rest of your life-your immortal life-killing innocent people? What would you want?”
The van had grown uncomfortably silent. Staring at Dimitri, burdened by all those questions, I suddenly understood why he and I had this weird attraction, good looks aside. I'd never met anyone else who took being a guardian so seriously, who understand all the life- and-death consequences. Certainly no one my age did yet; Mason hadn't been able to understand why I couldn't relax and drink at the party. Dimitri had said I grasped my duty better than many older guardians, and I didn't get why-especially when they would have seen so much more death and danger. But I knew in that moment that he was right, that I had some weird sense of how life and death and good and evil worked with each other.
So did he. We might get lonely sometimes. We might have to put our ”fun” on hold. We might not be able to live the lives we wanted for ourselves. But that was the way it had to be. We understood each other, understood that we had others to protect. Our lives would never be easy.
And making decisions like this one was part of that.
”If I became Strigoi...I'd want someone to kill me.”
”So would I,” he said quietly. I could tell that he'd had the same flash of realization I'd just had, that same sense of connection between us.
”It reminds me of Mikhail hunting Sonya,” murmured Victor thoughtfully.
”Who are Mikhail and Sonya?” asked Lissa.
Victor looked surprised. ”Why, I thought you knew. Sonya Karp.”
”Sonya Kar...you mean, Ms. Karp? What about her?” She looked back and forth between me and her uncle.
”She...became Strigoi,” I said, not meeting Lissa's eyes. ”By choice.”
I'd known Lissa would find out some day. It was the final piece of Ms. Karp's saga, a secret I'd kept to myself. A secret that worried me constantly. Lissa's face and bond registered complete and utter shock, growing in intensity when she realized I'd known and never told.
”But I don't know who Mikhail is,” I added.
”Mikhail Tanner,” said Spiridon.
”Oh. Guardian Tanner. He was here before we left.” I frowned. ”Why is he chasing Ms. Karp?” ”To kill her,” said Dimitri flatly. ”They were lovers.”
The entire Strigoi thing s.h.i.+fted into new focus for me. Running into a Strigoi I knew during the heat of battle was one thing. Purposely hunting down someone...someone I'd loved. Well, I didn't know if I could do that, even if it was technically the right thing.
”Perhaps it is time to talk about something else,” said Victor gently. ”Today isn't a day to dwell on depressing topics.”
I think all of us felt relieved to get to the mall. s.h.i.+fting into my bodyguard role, I stuck by Lissa's side as we wandered from store to store, looking at all the new styles that were out there.
It was nice to be in public again and to do something with her that was just fun and didn't involve any of the dark, twisted politics of the Academy. It was almost like old times. I'd missed just hanging out. I'd missed my best friend.
Although it was only just past mid-November, the mall already had glittering holiday decorations up. I decided I had the best job ever. Admittedly, I did feel a little put out when I realized the older guardians got to stay in contact through cool little communication devices.
When I protested my lack of one, Dimitri told me I'd learn better without one. If I could handle protecting Lissa the old-fas.h.i.+oned way, I could handle anything.
Victor and Spiridon stayed with us while Dimitri and Ben fanned out, somehow managing not to look like creepy stalker guys watching teenage girls.
”This is so you,” said Lissa in Macy's, handing me a low-cut tank top embellished with lace.
”I'll buy it for you.”
I regarded it longingly, already picturing myself in it. Then, making my regular eye contact with Dimitri, I shook my head and handed it back. ”Winter's coming. I'd get cold.”
”Never stopped you before.”
Shrugging, she hung it back up. She and Camille tried on a nonstop string of clothes, their ma.s.sive allowances ensuring that price posed no problem. Lissa offered to buy me anything I wanted. We'd been generous with each other our whole lives, and I didn't hesitate to take her up on it. My choices surprised her. ”You've got three thermal s.h.i.+rts and a hoodie,” she informed me, flipping through a stack of BCBG jeans. ”You've gone all boring on me.”
”Hey, I don't see you buying s.l.u.tty tops.”
”I'm not the one who wears them.”
”Thanks a lot.”
”You know what I mean. You're even wearing your hair up.”
It was true. I'd taken Dimitri's advice and wrapped my hair up in a high bun, earning a smile when he'd seen me. If I'd had molnija marks, they would have shown.
Glancing around, she made sure none of the others could hear us. The feelings in the bond s.h.i.+fted to something more troubled.
”You knew about Ms. Karp.”
”Yeah. I heard about it a month or so after she left.”
Lissa tossed a pair of embroidered jeans over her arm, not looking at me. ”Why didn't you tell me?”
”You didn't need to know.”
”You didn't think I could handle it?”
I kept my face perfectly blank. As I stared at her, my mind was back in time, back to two years ago. I'd been on day two of my suspension for allegedly destroying Wade's room when a royal party visited the school. I'd been allowed to attend that reception too but had been under heavy guard to make sure I didn't ”try anything.”
Two guardians escorted me to the commons and talked quietly with each other along the way.
”She killed the doctor attending her and nearly took out half the patients and nurses on her way out.”
”Do they have any idea where she went?” ”No, they're tracking her...but, well, you know how it is.”
”I never expected her to do this. She never seemed like the type.”
”Yeah, well, Sonya was crazy. Did you see how violent she was getting near the end? She was capable of anything.”
I'd been trudging along miserably and jerked my head up.
”Sonya? You mean Ms. Karp?” I asked. ”She killed somebody?”
The two guardians exchanged looks. Finally, one said gravely, ”She became a Strigoi, Rose.”
I stopped walking and stared. ”Ms. Karp? No...she wouldn't have...”
”I'm afraid so,” the other one replied. ”But...you should keep that to yourself. It's a tragedy.
Don't make it school gossip.”