Part 32 (1/2)
He stood. ”You are not going anywhere.”
”Then Connal goes with Rhiannon to the sh.o.r.e.”
”Nay.” If she left with Connal, there would be no chance of regaining the peace between them. ”I will see he is protected and post more guards on the unfamiliar villagers, but the boy stays here.” He was not about to hand his wife and her son over to the care of O'Niell and certainly not the Maguire, and he folded his arms over his chest, his hard gaze snapping over her features. ”Rhiannon, however, can be wed by morn and packed off to where she can cause no more trouble!”
Her eyes flew wide. ”What! You cannot force her to wed, husband.”
”I can do as I please, wife.”
Her gaze narrowed, a dangerous fire glittering there. ”Aye, you can. You can accuse me of disloyalty, to you, to my own people”-she struck her chest-”when you have no right or reason,” she hissed in an ugly voice. ”You can insult me afore the retainers and a man I think of as a father. You chose to believe your jealous thoughts instead of my word. Aye, my lord PenDragon, you can do as you please. And be a.s.sured, for my son, so will I!”
She shoved past him, heading to the doors, but Gaelan caught her in a gentle gasp, forcing her around to meet his gaze. She was crying without sound.
He loathed that he'd brought her to this.
”I do not like you very much right now, husband.” She jerked on his touch. ”Release me.”
He didn't, pulling her closer even as she tried to twist out of his grasp. ”Siobhan ... ahh, my sweet, what has become of us?”
”You have doubted me word and there is no way to a.s.sure you,” she muttered and stood woodenly as his arms slid around her. She pressed her forehead to his chest. She would not touch him, she could not. She was so b.l.o.o.d.y mad and wanted to keep it fresh and on the surface.
”I did not mean to insult you afore Driscoll and the O'Niell.”
”You shamed me, husband.” Disappointment rang in her words and Gaelan sighed and lowered his arms, stepping back.
”I was angry.”
She scoffed, staring off to the side.
”I felt like a fool.”
Her gaze flew to his.
”I would have seen that the contracts spoke of the keeps, and the Maguire's obligation to you ... if I could read then. Yet 'twas a matter I should have known. I was careless.”
The admittance softened her posture. ”Raymond did not tell you. Why?”
He shrugged. ”Likely he knew my feelings for the man and did not want to test the water.”
”If you did not have your nose so far up me skirts, you might have known.”
He hated the bitterness in her voice, knowing that he put it there.
”'Twas unwise, for all of us, to allow that to happen,” she said. ”And by English law, Ian is already bound through your possession of Donegal and its fiefs.”
”He is his own chieftain. By his laws he is not, and that is what matters in Ireland.” Gaelan crossed to the fire, bracing his right forearm on the mantel. He did not want this conversation, avoided it out of sheer fear of losing her completely, yet he could not tolerate this agony a moment longer. He stared at the blaze, wondering exactly how he'd grown so foolish.
He loved her.
Ahh, therein lies the sorrow, he thought.
He could scarcely breathe every time he looked at her lately, her thinly veiled venom knifing him to the core. He would rather die than suffer another day of this constant bleeding each other until there was naught left to save.
”Why do you doubt me, after all this time?” floated across the separation, without the rage, without the sting.
”I slew your husband. I broke the trust you gave me. I knew you were angry with me...” He shrugged, almost boyishly. ”I ... I thought ... angry enough to go to him and give him your sympathy.”
”And help him war on you?” Her lower lip trembled despite the hard tilt to her chin. ”I am not your mother. And I understood why Tigheran had to die, my lord. Not your lie of it.” She saw him wince and moved closer. ”For the love of Michael, I have lain in your arms night after night, how could you think me so base as to turn against you like that?”
”Because I am a b.a.s.t.a.r.d, a thief of lands, and I did not deserve you!” He plowed his fingers through his hair, frustration and self-anger in his voice. ”And all I knew is that you loved him once, Siobhan, you chose to marry him once, and for the second time in your life”-he straightened, facing her, like a man awaiting execution-”you were forced to wed a man you did not want.”
”But I did marry you,” she cried. ”I entrusted my folk to you and shared my body with you.”
”Aye, aye, and I knew in my heart you would never betray me. I knew,” he said, shaking clenched fists in front of him. ”But when I saw the Maguire plaid on the Fenian, I could not forget that Ian was the man you truly wanted ... the man you deserved.”
”Oh, Gaelan.”
His name on her lips made the muscles in his chest clamp like a vice.
They stared, prisoners in each other's gaze.
The uneasy silence tightened like scorched skin over brittle bone.
His throat worked. ”I have ruined everything, haven't I?” came in a tortured rasp.
Sorrow crushed through her. Gone was the seasoned warrior and before her stood a man stripped bare of his rough exterior, his t.i.tle and rights. Uncertain, defenseless. Unused to faith and loyalty. He craved a chance, a small portion, so desperately that he laid his soul at her feet like an open wound for her to crush or soothe.
She stepped closer, and Gaelan felt the impact of her stare down to his boot heels, his anguish twisting through every inch of him. Her scent permeated the air with spice and flowers as she reached, delicately fingering a lock of his hair off his brow. Briefly, he closed his eyes, her touch painful and sweet and making him tremble with his need to hold her.
”Naught is ruined that cannot be repaired.”
His hopeful gaze searched hers, rapid and greedy. ”You can forgive me, then?”
The expectation in his voice made her heart skip. ”I must.”
His brows worked.
She inched closer, laying her hand on his chest and feeling the incredible strength of his heartbeat. ”I have no choice but to forgive you, Gaelan. I need you so much more than I need my anger.”
His tense shoulders drooped and he covered her hand with his, bringing it to his lips. G.o.d above, he was d.a.m.ned unworthy of this woman. ”Siobhan...” He exhaled a hard breath. ”I am sorry. I-”
”Shh, I know, I know. 'Tis done.” She cupped his jaw, loving the way he turned his face into her palm, the texture of his skin. Her gaze sketched and absorbed. ”I have-” She swallowed, slipping closer. ”I have missed you so, Gaelan.”
His big body trembled, his one hand framing her waist with a gentle weight. ”I am so mad to hold you,” he gasped uncertainty. ”I fear I will crush you.”