Part 6 (2/2)
It is the office of woman, her high privilege indeed,
”To heal and pacify distempered spirits.”
Can she then sufficiently dread and shun dissensions with her own s.e.x?
Allow that an a.s.sociate has reached that eminence, which you could not attain, be it in learning, affection, or fortune. Will you foster toward her a spirit of animosity? Is there one of this s.e.x alive to the n.o.ble capacities of her nature, that can descend so low, as to seek redress for fancied or real injustice, by girding on the armor of retaliation and resentment? Remember Jesus, and you will bow to the wrongdoer meekly, magnanimously.
Nor should our young friend yield to a disposition to Flatter her favorites, any sooner than one to depreciate a rival. We may praise another simply to gain a return in kind. Or we may do it thoughtlessly, and by impulse. In each of these cases, we not only injure her by inflating her vanity, but wrong our own souls. Nor are all commendations right, which spring from a desire to gratify others. Ill-timed or excessive praise often does serious evil. It is only that which is just, rational, and moderate, that we should bestow on a friend. Avoid flattery; express precisely the approbation you feel, professing no affection you do not possess, and promising no fidelity, that circ.u.mstances may forbid you to manifest, and you will then speak the words due to merit, perfectly free from falsity, and acceptable in the sight of G.o.d.
To speak now of the positive view of our subject, I would name a few virtues and graces, of primary concern in a young woman's intercourse with society.
There should be Gentleness of Manner. In this term we include not simply external appearances, though these are of no trivial importance. If manner impress and accomplish much in the sterner s.e.x, as we all have felt, it is in the other, almost omnipotent. Dr. Bowring informs us that, in his recent travels in the East, he found the Samaritan, Syrian, and all Mussulman, ladies were accustomed to veil themselves in public.
He was asked whether ”the English women were so immodest as to walk out with uncovered faces?” Thus highly are gentleness and modesty prized by the heathen. Should they be less so by us? What object more revolting than a coa.r.s.e and rude woman? In such we expect,--and we are seldom disappointed,--to find a rough character, a dest.i.tution of the gentle spirit of goodness and Christ. Will not one of this cla.s.s flame against her dress-maker, if some point of fas.h.i.+on be violated by her? Must we not fear that animal impulse will control her actions? I recommend no courtly airs, no studying of gesture, or look. But I must think that, simplicity, freedom from pretence and affectation, modesty, self-possession, escaping both reserve and boldness, and a perfectly frank, truth-speaking manner, are deserving the culture of every female, who seeks the true adorning, and who would give pleasure, and do good, to others. Octavia was none the less marked by a Roman severity of virtue, because gentleness and grace shone through her bearing. Neither is the Christian woman the more pious, for an utter disregard of the courtesies of life.
But lest some should misinterpret these remarks, I will add that there must be grace at heart. Kind Feelings, or the most accomplished manners are but a splendid hypocrisy.
Avoid discourtesy, but avoid still more a hollow, insincere, merely outward, gracefulness. If the feelings be correct, the manner will usually be so. Corregio painted three furies, represented by as many young women, with beautiful forms and regular features. Looking intently on the hair, you might see a single serpent wreathed in its tresses; and studying the expression of their countenances, you detected in them cunning, malice, and cruelty. Such ”beauty” and grace are truly ”vain.”
No single quality is so essential in society as a willingness to be pleased. ”There is one art,” says a late writer, ”which those whose object it is to charm, would do well to cultivate, the art of being charmed. For it rescues many an hour from listlessness and discontent, by freshening all the springs of life and action, awakening in old age the energy of youth, and persuading the weary and desponding that they have still the power to please, and that even for them the world has happiness in store.” Opposed to this stands caprice, a morbid desire of attention, a self-consequence, which would draw all eyes and all thoughts to its own important person. This spirit is full of coldness, jealousy, and every unamiable sentiment. Let the young woman forget herself, and study the feelings of others. She will then notice the modest, encourage the diffident, and strive to call forth concealed talent and virtue. She will scrupulously avoid all allusions, that would give pain to the hearer. His ill-fortune, the trade he pursues, if unpopular, or his low extraction, or the faults of his connections, and his own misdemeanors, will be carefully kept out of view. Thus will the inward man be perpetually overflowing with Christian courtesy.
Good Sense is another requisite of female civility. ”The excitable imagination and ardent feelings of woman,” says a female writer, ”expose her to exaggeration of sentiment.” Ignorant and weak women mortify their friends and disgust many others, in society. They talk for the sound's sake, giving flippant utterance to the commonplaces of the day. But did G.o.d endow this s.e.x with speech, to be exercised only on folly and nonsense? No, we have seen too many living examples to the contrary, of women
”alike from careless levity remote, And a behavior schooled by selfish rules, Alike removed from rashness and from fear.”
Is not this better than the indulgence in perpetual trifling and tattle?
How long shall it be charged on this s.e.x that they often yield, without an attempt at self-control, to their supposed natural volatility? If man be const.i.tutionally grave, and life be with him all a serious affair, then should woman supply this want by careful self-culture. I would not frown on the innocent gratifications of the tongue; but I would entreat this s.e.x, instead of seeking their pleasure in discussing the concerns of their neighbors, to pause, consider, and resolve that they will set their feet in a new path. Do not reveal the secrets of a family, because accidentally made acquainted with them, or privileged with their intimacy. Disdain, as unworthy your nature and your s.e.x, the practice of prying into the domestic affairs of others. Cultivate a taste for reading, and talk of books and principles, not persons. And never forget that ”for every idle word you must give account” hereafter. Be so filled with good sense and knowledge, that of you it may be said, mark
”that fund of truth and sense, Which though her modesty would shroud, Breaks like the sun behind the cloud.”
Good Taste is needful in society. There are those, who so appear, as ”thoughtless of gracefulness, to be yet grace itself.” This is the native endowment of some; but all may approximate toward it. Propriety is a rich ornament of female speech. Modesty is a cardinal point in good taste. But let it be sincere. In the early ages of Rome, the women, in general, wore veils in public. Latterly they were worn by certain of the beautiful, but disreputable of that s.e.x, partially to shade the face, and thus add to their unholy fascinations. Beware of a tincture of this spirit. Let your deportment be always so pure and self-respectful, that ”guilt shall seem a thing impossible in you.” Consummate the marriage intended, under Providence, between Taste and Virtue.
The last topic I name in this connection is Moral Courage. There is a tyranny of circ.u.mstances which you may sometimes fail of successfully resisting. But never may you desist from the attempt to do this. Strive to maintain, mildly, yet firmly, every particle of the ground of right and duty.
Perhaps no one source of temptation will so try your moral energies, in this respect, as that of amus.e.m.e.nts and recreations. G.o.d intended that you should sometimes rest from toil, and find relaxations to repair your exhausted spirits. Pursued for this purpose, they will ever prove more than innocent; they will be useful, and acceptable before Heaven.
I would not specify particular amus.e.m.e.nts. For, perilous as are theatrical entertainments, and protracted dances, there is, sometimes, greater guilt in the scandal of those who condemn, than in the character of those who pursue, them. But why desire these exciting indulgences?
Why risk health and morals, for the sake of a few hours' pleasure?
Excitement do you seek? Where is there more of this, so far as it is rational and safe, than in leaving your studies for an hour's domestic avocations; for a walk amid the enchanting beauties of nature; or for a cheerful interview with a tried friend? In the very change of employments, there is a fund of recreation. To train a few flowers for the hand of the sick, or prepare a dish of fruit for a neighbor, is a blessed amus.e.m.e.nt. Of such enjoyments you would never be constrained to ask, ”May I safely partake in them?” They are sweet at the moment, and hallowed by the ever-fresh joys of memory.
Enter, finally, the world, with the holy purpose of pa.s.sing its fiery ordeal unharmed. Let not fas.h.i.+on enslave and consume your soul. If society would degrade your nature, say to it, ”Get thee behind me, Satan.” So will it exalt, and purify, and save, instead of overwhelming, you in perdition. Avow before all persons, your attachment to principle, to your Savior, and your G.o.d. Fix your eye, not on this vanis.h.i.+ng scene, but on that land, where lies ”the pearl of great price.” Submit not for a day to the dominion of an outward adorning. Let the jewels you wear, be fastened on ”the hidden man of the heart.” Be ornamented with incorruptible robes. Secure, most of all, not the renown of earthly admiration, but that honor, which, when the world and its charms shall be dissolved and melt like the morning vapor, will crown you with laurels that fade not away.
Chapter VI.
LOVE.
Delicacy of the topic. Love, how regarded. As a Mystery. Burns'
lament. As an Illusion. An Impulse. A Weakness. A Disease.
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