Part 27 (1/2)
”In front of everyone I give you my word: one bowl of insect medley and you are not just a B-unit cameraman again, but you officially become an A-unit cameraman, with a hike in pay.”
I had to admit, being an A-unit cameraman has always been a career dream of mine. How hard could it be to eat some bugs? What was the catch? I nodded.
Stuart called out, ”Okay, fifteen-minute break for everyone while Raymond here eats a bowl of mixed insects. Gather close!”
Cast members and crew bustled in to form a circle around me. Moments later, Scott appeared with a writhing bowl of ... well, nature's medley: grubs, spiders, centipedes, millipedes, encyclopedias, mumps, cysts and whatever other unholy sp.a.w.n the crew had managed to find beneath the island's logs.
But here's the thing: the show's contestants were actually starving, whereas I had had a delightful meal of cheeses and cold cuts in Neal's palace. There was barely room for a Mars bar inside me.
If Sarah were there, she would have stopped Stuart from being such a t.w.a.t. What did she see in him?
”Okay, Herry, every single bug down the hatch and fully swallowed. Puke and you're out-unless you choose to ingest the puke, but I don't credit you with that level of commitment.”
”Fine, Stuart, I understand.”
Me, an A-unit cameraman!
”Good. Now let's get some cameras rolling-I want to doc.u.ment this train wreck.”
Mother nuzzled in beside Stuart and began brown-nosing. ”You should see his refrigerator back home, a cold and G.o.dless place it is. Ooh, look at that little b.u.g.g.e.r there-he's got to be a six-incher, and all those tiny legs-it makes you marvel at the universe.”
Chili Cicadas with Rice
A beloved Mexican cla.s.sic-and a sure-fire
family-pleaser for those special occasions.
onion
3 tablespoons olive oil
cup cicadas
1 12-ounce can navy beans, drained
1 6-oz can tomato paste
3 teaspoons chili powder
1 clove garlic, minced
Dice the onion and saute in olive oil. After a minute or
so, add the cicadas and cook until both onions and
insects are translucent. Yes, that is correct: translucent.
Add the remaining ingredients and simmer on low heat
until flavours have melded together-at least one hour.
Ladle onto brown rice.
Be sure to serve it more than once every
seventeen years ... Ole!
The flavours came in waves: a pecan-like crunch, followed by an avocado smoothness, followed by a glob of something chowdery and phlegmy. Next? A clump of larvae, tasting something like chanterelle mushrooms.
Did all of the wriggling and writhing disturb me, you ask? f.u.c.k no. That's why G.o.d gave us jaws. Added bonus? Live bugs were better than anything you'd find in a Honolulu Airport vending machine. I ploughed through my bowl like it was so much bar mix, with supportive chanting from all around.