Part 7 (1/2)
”She was asking my advice.”
I waited for her to continue.
”She asked whether she should consider you lost or try to keep chasing you.”
”What did you say?”
”Well, I told her that she needs to think about everything. She understands why you're so upset, but she still doesn't know if she's ready for all of thatmarriage and kids and family life. I told her that if she's not ready, then maybe she should start letting go because that's what she'd have to accept if she stayed with you.”
”How very wise you sound, but somehow very biased.”
”What do you expect? I really want us to work out, Josh. I'm afraid of how fast everything inside me has been elevated with you. But here I am, with the doors opening up at the penthouse and my toes are just over the edge. I'm just hesitantly waiting in the elevator, far enough out to keep the doors open.”
She seemed surprised by her own words and I complimented her a.n.a.logy to myself, and I thought so did she.
”I know exactly how you feel,” is all I could muster, unable to keep up with her wordplay.
”You should probably tell her something. Even if you just tell her that you need some s.p.a.ce for a while. Not that you want to break up, but just that you need some time to think about things and that maybe she should think about things as well. That could give you at least a little bit of license to entertain the idea of meeting someone.”
I nodded pensively, running scenarios in my head.
”Josh. My worry is that after some time apart she'll come running back to you wanting to get married. What would you do then?”
”I hadn't even entertained that idea yet. I honestly don't know.” I realized that it was my turn to repeat the words of the day, ”So what now?” We both relaxed a little bit despite all of the absurdity and smiled with each other. ”What do you say we try and forget about questions for a while and just have some fun? I'll talk with her soon. Ok?”
”Ok.” She answered with a shy smile as she sat on my lap draping her arms around me as if I were a hero come to slay her inner dragon. ”I'm sorry you found out like this,” she whispered into my ear, ”but I'm glad that you know now.”
”I still can't quite share your enthusiasm, but I'm glad that it leaves us without secrets so early on.”
Chapter 11.
It was a beautiful afternoon and we decided to go for a walk around the city. I never spent much time on the Cambridge side of town and so we walked towards Harvard Square. Things seemed pretty much back to normal between us as we strolled our way through the streets. The unusual thing about new relations.h.i.+ps is that they innately want to become grown-up relations.h.i.+ps as fast as they can. They do this by pulling you to learn everything you can about each other, even though the most exciting part about a new relations.h.i.+p is the mystery of who the other person is. Part of me wanted to put a limit on how much we learned about each other day by day. That way maybe we could keep our new car smell for a little longer. Few people have that much self-control and neither of us could help it so we spent most of the day finding out as much as we could about each other.
I had always wanted to go to the Museum of Useful Things, right near Harvard Square, but Allison could have cared less, so we never did. Though it turns out it's less of a museum and more of a store. Either way, it was great to check it out. Of course we trespa.s.sed onto Harvard's precious lawns and read excerpts of novels out loud to each other as if we were students critiquing the great works of our generation with self-proclaimed authority. We walked around the grounds of the great school, toying with the idea of sneaking into a cla.s.s to see what it was all about. At BU it would have been easy in most of the large cla.s.ses. Anyone could have just waltzed right in, sat in the back and gotten the same education (sans degree, of course) for free. Neither of us had the guts to actually try it, so we had to pretend like we belonged as we roamed the grounds with our chins slightly higher in the air than we'd normally hold them.
At the aptly named store Joie de Vivre, we checked out and played with all sorts of trinkets. Everyone there seemed to love everything in the store, but no one seemed to buy anything. They had novelty items that had no real use in daily life. Toys from older generations lined the shelves like unwanted older dogs surrounded by puppies in a pet store. They were fun to look at and play with for a minute, but no one really wanted to take them home. Even the children we saw played with something for a minute and then let it go like Zen masters dumping their artwork in the river after spending a year crafting it. I wondered how such a place stayed open.
As our feet got tired from all the walking, our bellies tapped us from the inside reminding us what time it was, so we decided to grab a table at Grendel's Den before planning our next move. The conversation of a young couple at the table next to us was wafting over to us mixed with the clang of their bracelets and their hipster jargonthe Bayside Ramblers were having a secret show at the House of Blues.
”Josh, did you hear that? I love them. Can we go?”
”Who are they?” I was not in the know.
”Are you kidding? They're like the next big thing around here. Where have you been?”
Apparently not in college going out all the time, I thought, but only said ”I don't know.”
”You would love them. They have such a great show.”
”Sure, let's check it out. Did the grapevine tell us what time?”
”No, but I'm guessing late if they're headlining.”
”Alright, well let's run by after dinner, get tickets, and then we'll go from there.”
”Perfect.” She smiled and like every other time, it made me smile a little bit in return.
We both had cheeseburgers, which were unbelievable. The burger was so big that I felt like the waiter had set me down on my knees in front of a cow, tucked a bib into my s.h.i.+rt, and left me with an ”Enjoy!” A real gourmet burger just can't be beat. By the time we had finished eating, the place had filled up with a clever mix of hipsters, smart but stupid coeds, and alcohol. Many good times would be had in this place, I imagined. As we paid our bill and walked out the door, got a feeling of deja vu, but was tugged away briskly by the chilly evening.
There was already a small line forming outside the House of Blues and as we walked up to it I got the stinging feeling of how much older I am than she. College kids look so young after you've been out for a few years. It's like going back to your old high schoolthough all the kids are exactly the same age you were, they still look like babies.
The ticket booth light had just flickered on. ”Great, we're just in time.” I smirked at the sight of the overly tattooed guy sitting behind the gla.s.s. He had an odd mix of a tough guy body and an emo-ish face and demeanor. I couldn't wrap my brain around what he was trying to be viewed as. ”Can we get tickets for tonight's show?”
”Which one?”
”The one with The Bayside Ramblers,” I said, turning to Nicole for visual confirmation.
”They're not playing tonight.”
”Really? We got word that they're playing a secret show.” My voice slowly turned more and more to a whisper leaning closer and closer to the gla.s.s with each word. Nicole, being the outspoken crafty one, had already taken a few people in for questioning and I caught the end of her first inquisition over my left shoulder.
Some slightly terrified young college guy gave her what she wanted to hear under the spellbinding bright heat of her eyes. ”Say you're going to see The Last Resort. They're playing under a different name tonight because they're just testing out some of their new music on the crowd.”
”Thanks.” She bubbled and let her hand fall down from his shoulder, grazing the length of his arm on the way down. It always made me uncomfortable when I saw girls exploiting their s.e.xuality to get what they wanted. It was probably just because I wished that I had the same power. I would have used such a gift at every possible opportunity. (Sorry, crazy lady who orders stupid drinks at Starbucks, I didn't mean to spill that drink all over you. Please let me help you out. Come in the back and we'll get you cleaned up.) I shouldn't have gotten jealous, because I knew what Nicole was doing, yet the feeling grabbed onto my ankles and sat on my feet like an annoying young cousin.
”Right, then. We'll take two tickets to go see The Last Resort.” As he swiped my card I decided to throw it in his face a bit. ”You know, you could have just told me that they're playing under a different name when clearly that's who we wanted to see.”
”I'm not supposed to tell people that information so that we can keep people like you out.”
”People like me?”
”We try to keep a certain type of clientele.”
I looked over my shoulder and back at the guy behind the gla.s.s. ”Oh, so college kids and queers?”
”Jos.h.!.+” Nicole was appalled.
”You're right, sorryh.o.m.os,” I said as I pointed my thumb in his direction. He wanted to break through the gla.s.s. ”Whoa, there tiger.” I continued. ”I doubt you want to start attacking customers. That never looks good for a business.”
He composed himself and slid the tickets underneath the window, trying to do it with as much force as you can, but that's like drinking from a strawno one ever looks tough doing it. ”Thanks!” I said cheerily as I s.n.a.t.c.hed the tickets.
”What was that all about?” Nicole was clearly thrown off.
”He was giving me s.h.i.+t and I'm not in the mood for it.” She curled the corner of her lip into an upside down smirk in disappointment.
”Hey I'm sorry, alright?” Oh G.o.d, I've lost her for the rest of the night, I thought. Although guys don't have the s.e.xual persuasion techniques that women do, we do have the ability to shrug off a lot of frustration and anger. Women tend to hold it in like a long bong hit of laced with PCP. They spend the rest of the night unaware of their own strength, ruining the night for everyone around within a half-mile radius. I had to get her to cough it out before too much of it entered her brain.