Part 7 (2/2)
”That's the reason,” Fearin said, answering for me. ”They had to call me to get Aelana away from the door, and even I had to ask for help from our Guardian. At that point she was no longer Aelana, only a Shadowborn, and if we'd tried to go past her she would have done to us what she'd previously done to the enemy.”
”Which was what?” Garam asked, the words very neutral. ”All she had in the way of weapons was a dagger. How hard is it to get past one fighter with a dagger?”
”Aelana had the dagger,” Fearin said with a sigh. ”The Shadowborn used her dagger, then went to teeth and claws when the dagger was temporarily lost. When I got there there was a deep darkness surrounding the Shadowborn, and nothing could be seen of her but two red, glowing eyes. The bodies of her first kills were scattered on the floor in front of her, torn and b.l.o.o.d.y sacrifices to the skill of a Shadowborn. I doubt if even our Guardian could have made any of our men try that skill a second time.”
”Which doesn't mean they're cowards,” Garam said, understanding Fearin had included himself in on that statement. ”It means they're smart enough not to go up against something they haven't a prayer of besting. You know, I wish I'd been told about this sooner. Special tactics designed around a Shadowborn can be the prettiest set of plans you'd want to see. And I knew she wasn't just another female. Didn't I tell you that, Talasin?”
”You certainly did, Garam,” Talasin answered, rubbing his lips to hide a smile. Garam was now looking at me with the strangest expression, a mixture of pride and extreme satisfaction and possessiveness and - almost attraction. ”But let's not forget I was the one who pulled her from the stream. That has to be at least as important, if not more so.”
”But I made friends with her first,” Ranander chimed in, not even glancing at the frown I could feel myself wearing. ”And she even likes me, even though she won't admit it.”
”What is the matter with all of you?” I burst out, looking from one to the other of those three idiots. ”Don't you understand what Fearin is telling you? Having a Shadowborn in your midst means no one is safe, not even him! You all sound as though you think this is a game of some kind!”
”We don't play games during a campaign, and I have no worries about my safety,” Fearin himself answered, sounding just as casual as the other three had. ”The Shadowborn is only one part of you, and not the part we a.s.sociate with on a regular basis. That means there's nothing for any of us to worry about.”
”No, that means you still don't understand what Shadowborn is about,” I came back, looking at him with all the exasperation I was filled with. ”It isn't just a single part of me, it colors everything I see and do. I hate it more than I've hated anything in my entire life, but there are times when I can't resist the draw of it, the need to merge with the Learning and use it. People die horribly when I do that, but I still can't stop myself.”
”You seem to think that makes you totally different from the rest of us,” Talasin put in, drawing my attention from Fearin. By that time I noticed I was on my feet, glaring around at that bunch of fools. ”If you believe this company is made up of the sweetly innocent, you're the one who doesn't understand. Do you have any idea how many men died last night, simply because I led the attack against this city?”
”And how many more went because I gave the word?” Garam added in agreement, his dark eyes unmoving from my face. ”I was busy last night removing certain key military commanders, the ones who knew what they were doing and could therefore have given us trouble. The ones I missed last night I took care of this morning, just to be certain they don't start trouble among the prisoners.”
”And something of the same can be said for the rest of us as well,” Fearin contributed to close the circle. ”Ranander went through the civilian population and culled any man or woman he knew would make trouble for us. We put them together and sold them as slaves. Master Lokkel cast a protective health spell around all of us, designed to bounce back any sickness orwithering spell onto the one who cast it. How many lesser Healing Masters were caught by that, Lokkel?”
”More than half a dozen, I'm told,” the Healing Master answered, looking very pleased.
”They had no idea I was guarding our well-being, otherwise they probably wouldn't have tried that way of saving the city.”
”I'm sure of it,” Fearin said very neutrally, his gaze once again returned to me. ”And if anyone understands the lure of your Learning, it has to be me. Have you any idea how much Power I have at my command, and how tempting is the thought of using that Power for my own satisfaction? If I decided to disapprove of something, no one around me would be able to do that something. If I thought something was a really good idea, everyone would have to do it.
Power of any sort is a temptation to the one who has it; maintaining moderation is the only indication of true strength.”
”But what if your strength isn't up to it?” I countered, even more upset than I had been. ”What if you fight with everything you've got, and it isn't enough? I worked hard to acquire the Learning and the skills that go with it, experienced satisfaction with each successfully completed level. There's a part of me that enjoys the thought of using what I've learned... A part that shows itself when I least expect it... What if I lose the fight at the wrong time and one or more of you dies?”
Even as I said the words I could feel the black tide lapping at my mind, hear the siren song calling me to submerge in the blood-warm waters. A Shadowborn never worried about not having enough strength; endless strength and power were there, and satisfaction, that ultimate, unmatchable satisfaction...
”Aelana, no!” Fearin said sharply, his hands suddenly on my arms. ”You don't have to give into it, and you don't want to! Remember that, you don't want to!”
I took a very deep, very ragged breath as I realized he'd pulled me out of it, and then there were other hands on me, all guiding me backward to my chair. Voices fought with one another, trying to demand if I was all right, and then Ranander was there with a cup of steaming broth, meant to chase away the bone-deep cold.
”I've never seen anything like that,” Garam's voice came through, as excited as a child at the fair. ”It was starting to get dark around her, black instead of the blue of magic... ”
”And she was fading into that black,” Talasin said, the words thoughtful and interested. ”I wonder if it was really happening or if we just saw it like that... ”
”That's right, get some of that broth into you,” Fearin said, his hand gently brus.h.i.+ng back my hair. ”And that should prove whether or not you have the strength to hold it off. It went so far your eyes were starting to glow red, but you pushed it away and didn't let it happen.”
”But I didn't do it alone,” I told him shakily, looking up to see those blue eyes directly on me.
”What you said helped me pull out of it, otherwise I would have been taken. What about the next time, or the one after that...?”
”I'll still be here,” he interrupted, refusing to look away. ”Any time you need my help, it's yours for the asking. You can handle it yourself most of the time, but any time you can't - ”
”You just ask him,” Ranander put in from my right with all the confidence in the world. ”Fearin is there for all of us, and since you're one of us he'll be there for you too. Isn't that right, High Master?”
”Yes. Of course. Absolutely right.” Fearin was agreeing with Ranander, but for some reason he was also giving the other man something of a dirty look. ”I appreciate your confidence and your support of me, Ranander, but I can speak for myself. And I wanted to add-”
”I wonder if I could help,” Talasin said, interrupting without realizing it. ”If a time comes when Fearin isn't around, Aelana, look for me instead and we'll give it a try. You shouldn't have to fight like that all alone, so-”
”So she can also try me,” Garam stated, interrupting in his turn, but not only Talasin. Fearin had opened his mouth again, but not soon enough. ”When it comes to fighting, I'm the one withthe most experience. Not to mention the fact that she and I understand each other-”
”There may well be a healing spell that would be of a.s.sistance,” Lokkel put in with a finger to his lips, his gaze distracted. ”I'll certainly need to consult my books, and then - ”
”And don't forget friends.h.i.+p,” Ranander said very firmly. ”Friends.h.i.+p is one of the strongest forces there is, so if anyone can be of help I certainly - ”
”All right, enough!” Fearin shouted, ending the babble that was making me dizzy. ”I know you're all offering to help, but you're driving the girl into a corner with your suggestions. Are you all right, Aelana?”
Since I had no idea I shook my head vaguely at him, put aside the half-finished broth, then simply got out of there.
Chapter 9.
I went back to the apartment I'd been given, chased away the servants who showed up wanting to do things for me, then sat down to watch the rain. One corner of the second outer room was like the porch room I'd come from, two windows at the angle that were totally open with only an overhang keeping the rain out. The rest of the apartment was stuffy even with the drapes pulled back, and I couldn't seem to breathe well...
I took a deep breath of the rain-laden, cooler air coming from the windows, and for the tenth time tried to understand what had happened. Fearin had told them all what I was, they had almost seen it happen in front of their eyes, and they still refused to react the way everyone else had. Even the people who had never seen...
”They have to be crazy,” I muttered for the twentieth time, s.h.i.+fting on the wide lounge seat I had chosen to stretch out on. The thing was covered in silk rather than with leather, which made it both comfortable and uncomfortable to lie on. Silk is fine when you hang it on walls where it can't be torn or dirtied; sitting on it, though...
”They have to be crazy.” I said it again because the statement was so obviously true, but I still couldn't understand. Why were they so crazy that they seemed willing to accept me, and when would it stop? How many times would the light appear and disappear before they suddenly came to their senses?
”Well, I'm glad to see you were given a very pleasant apartment,” a voice suddenly said, and I didn't have to turn to know it was Fearin. ”It's bright and elegant even in the dimness of a rainy day, and this chamber seems made for comfortable conversations. Are you feeling any better now?”
”No,” I answered, still staring out at the rain. ”As a matter of fact I'm feeling worse.”
”I think everyone understands now why you just ran out like that,” he said, coming around to where I could see him. ”You were expecting fear and hatred from us, and when it didn't come you were caught off balance. Do you understand yet why the fear and hatred didn't come?”
”Of course,” I said with a shrug. ”The bunch of you are crazy. No one but crazy people would offer welcome and fellows.h.i.+p to a - a - ”
”Shadowborn,” he finished when I couldn't find quite the appropriate word, those blue eyes looking down at me soberly. ”But that's where you're making your mistake. The one who was offered welcome and fellows.h.i.+p was Aelana, someone who doesn't make excuses or complain about how hard it is for her. All she does is accept whatever task is a.s.signed her, and then she goes ahead and does it. Prince Garam was the one most impressed by that.”
”He seems to have forgotten I didn't volunteer to be one of you,” I said, sliding down a little on the silk as I looked away from him. ”If complaining or making excuses could get me loose, I'd complain and make excuses.”
”I doubt that,” Fearin said with a small sound of ridicule. ”But you might remember that others don't keep from complaining simply because it does no good. They indulge anyway, in theprocess driving everyone crazy. We appreciate having your silent a.s.sistance and wanted you to know it.”
”What you mean is you think you appreciate it,” I corrected, still looking at the rain rather than at him. ”That should last until something happens to turn all your stomachs, or I still lose it in spite of all the help I've been offered. If you don't mind, I'd rather not wait for one of those things to happen. Thank the rest of them for their good intentions, but tell them I pa.s.s.”
”You'd rather have them ignoring or abusing you than being friendly,” he interpreted, a flatness to the statement. ”Knowing how close the Kenossi are as a people, you can't have gotten the att.i.tude from them. It must have come from the Inadni, then, an obvious effort to separate you from the rest of humanity. I thought you'd decided not to listen to them any longer.”
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