Part 45 (1/2)
He looked at her with eyes that were dazed--that saw nothing; the eyes of a man more than half mad.
”And now look,” she said. ”Why, Lance, La Vanira is looking at me. What eyes she has. They stir my very heart and trouble me. They are saying something to me.”
”Marion, hus.h.!.+ What are you talking about?” he cried.
”La Vanira's eyes--she is looking at me, Lance.”
”Nonsense!” he said, and the one word was so abruptly p.r.o.nounced that Lady Chandos felt sure it was nonsense and said no more.
But after that evening he said no more about going to the opera. If he felt any wish to go, he would go; it would be quite easy for him to make some excuse to her.
And those evenings grew more and more frequent. He did not dare to disobey Leone; he did not dare to go to her house, or to offer to see her in the opera house. He tried hard to meet her accidentally, but that happy accident never occurred; yet he could not rest, he must see her; something that was stronger than himself drew him near her.
He was weak of purpose; he never resolutely took himself in hand and said:
”I am married now. I have a wife at home. Leone's beauty, Leone's talents, are all less than nothing to me. I will be true to my wife.”
He never said that; he never braced his will, or his energies to the task of forgetting her; he dallied with the temptation as he had done before; he allowed himself to be tempted as he had done before; the result was that he fell as he had fallen before.
Every day his first thought was how he could possibly get away that evening without drawing particular attention to his movements; and he went so often that people began to laugh and to tease him and to wonder why he was always there.
Leone always saw him. If any one had been shrewd and quick enough to follow her, they would have seen that she played to one person; that her eyes turned to him continually; that the gestures of her white arms seemed to woo him. She never smiled at him, but there were times, when she was singing some lingering, pathetic notes, it seemed as though she were almost waiting for him to answer her.
He did not dare to go behind the scenes, to linger near the door, to wait for her carriage, but his life was consumed with the one eager desire to see her. He went night after night to the box; he sat in the same place; he leaned his arms on the same spot, watching her with eyes that seemed to flash fire as they rested on her.
People remarked it at last, and began to wonder if it could be possible that Lord Chandos, with that beautiful wife, the queen of blondes, was beginning to care for La Vanira; he never missed one night of her acting, and he saw nothing but her when she was on the stage.
Again one evening Lady Chandos said to him:
”Lance, have you noticed how seldom you spend an evening--that is, the whole of an evening--with me? If you go to a ball with me, it seems to me that you are always absent for an hour or two.”
”You have a vivid imagination, my dear wife,” he replied.
And yet he knew it was on the night Leone played; he could no more have kept from going to see her than he could have flown; it was stronger than himself, the impulse that led him there.
Then his nights became all fever; his days all unrest; his whole heart and soul craved with pa.s.sionate longing for one half hour with her, and yet he dared not seek it. Even then, had he striven to conquer his love, and have resolutely thought of his duty, his good faith and his loyalty, he would have conquered, as any strong man can conquer when he likes; he never tried. When the impulse led him, he went; when the temptation came to him to think of her, he thought of her, when the temptation came to him to love her, he gave way to it and never once set his will against it.
Then, when the fever of his longing consumed him, and his life had grown intolerable to him, he wrote a note to her; it said simply:
”DEAR LEONE,--Life is very sad. Do let us be friends--why should we not? Life is so short. Let us be friends. I am very miserable; seeing you sometimes would make me happy. Let us be friends, Leone.
Why refuse me? I will never speak of love--the word shall never be mentioned. You shall be to me like my dearest, best-beloved sister.
I will be your brother, your servant, and your friend; only give me, for G.o.d's dear sake, the comfort of seeing you. Leone, be friends.”
It was one evening when she was tired that this letter was brought to her. She read it with weeping eyes; life was hard; she found it so. She loved her art, she lived in it, but she was only a woman, and she wanted the comfort of a human love and friends.h.i.+p.
Wearily enough she repeated the words to herself:
”Let us be friends. As he says, 'life is short.' The comfort will be small enough, Heaven knows, but it will be better than nothing. Yes, we will be friends.”