Part 23 (1/2)
Katy lay back on her pillow in complete and utter exhaustion and complete and utter happiness. The day had ended so differently to how she had feared it would. Best of all had been Ben's face when he had ventured to the weighing machine for a closer look after the baby had been cleaned up. He had turned around and given her the biggest grin ever.
”She's a ginger! She's a ginger!” he had shouted over to her with a big thumbs up.
Ben handed the tiny little girl over to Katy for a cuddle.
”Thanks,” she said. ”For being here.”
”Well it was touch and go. Me and Braindead were in Edinburgh.”
”When?”
”Last night.”
”Last night? Why were you there last night?”
”Oh Katy. After I left you I didn't know what to do with myself. My head was spinning like crazy, so I went down the pub obviously and Braindead was in there on his lunch break. Anyway so Rick calls on my mobile wanting to know what time we're leaving on Friday to get to up to Edinburgh for the stag-do. I'm in no fit state to make any sense so Braindead grabs the phone and says to Rick we are leaving now. It seemed like a great idea at the time so we just walk out of the pub to the station and get on the next train to Edinburgh. No stuff or anything. We fall into the first pub we find when we get there then all I can remember is at some point Braindead picks up a call on his mobile and starts going on about Daniel.”
”Daniel? Daniel called Braindead? What time was this?”
”No idea. About eleven I guess.”
”But he was with me.”
”Well somehow he managed to fit in a right old conflab with Braindead because he just kept coming out with this stuff. Daniel was trying to get Braindead to convince me to come back. Honestly if it weren't for the topic of conversation, hearing Braindead talk like Daniel would have been b.l.o.o.d.y hilarious. He used long words and everything.”
”So what were they saying? What made you come back?” Katy asked tentatively.
He paused for a moment.
”They made me see that I should have been thinking that this could be my baby, not that it might not, and what would I do if he turned out to be the next striker for England and I had to tell the poor lad I hadn't even been bothered to turn up for the birth.”
”So football made you come back?” said Katy, feeling her elation wane.
”No Katy, no. That just kind of tipped it over the edge. But to be perfectly honest even on the train on the way back down I still wasn't sure. Then Daniel was waiting for me outside the hospital and he and this nurse asked me the only really important question.”
”What the-do you really love him one?”
”No, the-do you really love her one.”
”And?”
”Well it was yes of course.”
”Really? Was it?”
”Of course it b.l.o.o.d.y was. I know I've never said it before but it's not my thing you know,” he said. He took her hand and looked her straight in the eye. ”I love you, I always have.”
”I love you too you know,” she said back.
”You don't have to say that just because I did.”
”No I do, I really do and I will marry you, if you meant it that is.”
”Of course I meant it. But I do have one condition.”
”What's that?” asked Katy, fearing the worst.
”That we never become one of those boring married couples. You know like the ones who sit in pubs and don't talk to each other and probably never ever have s.e.x.”
”I promise,” said Katy, knowing that life with Ben could never be boring. ”Tell you what. We'll even have s.e.x on a Tuesday.”
Acknowledgements This book was inspired by two encounters. The first, a late night conversation in a night club of one man's experience of a hasty exit from a labour ward. The second a jaw-dropping introduction from a pregnant lady at our first ever antenatal cla.s.s. She calmly introduced her female friend informing us that they weren't lesbians and she'd bought her along because her husband had left her 5 weeks previously. This book in no way reflects their stories but they made me realise the drama (and humour) potential in the whole having a baby thing.
I must also mention all the people I know whose throw-away one-liners I haven't forgotten and have provided some of the funnies in this book. A special mention must go to Steve and Andrea for some top comedy moments. You know what you said. Also to Tony who truly does believe that NO-ONE EVER HAS s.e.x ON A TUESDAY and I thank him from the bottom of my heart for discovering this fact and sharing it with me.
I'd like to thank my agent, Araminta Whitley, for believing in me and growing my confidence to continue to aim high. I would also like to mention Joanna Swainson and Madeleine Milburn who first spotted the potential in this book and sold the rights to several international publishers. You set me off on this journey so thank you.
Chris, Lee, Lucy and Guy at The One Off, who went above and beyond to design the cover for this book and take a picture of me that I actually like. True miracle workers. Thank you.
Finally I'd like to thank my family. Mickey-takers of the highest order who taught me that humour is always the answer. Jim, June, Andrew and Helen, you always make me laugh.
And last but not least, f.a.n.n.y. Hope you don't mind me taking your name in vain yet again.
About the Author.
Tracy Bloom started writing when her cruel, heartless husband ripped her away from her dream job shopping for rollercoasters for the UK's leading theme parks, to live in America with a brand new baby and no mates. In a cunning plan to avoid domestic duties and people who didn't understand her Derbys.h.i.+re accent, she wrote NO-ONE EVER HAS s.e.x ON A TUESDAY. It went on to be successfully published internationally so now she is chuffed to bits to have a new dream job, making people laugh and sometimes cry through her writing. Back in good old England now and cracking on with writing about other people who screw up their lives in a hilarious fas.h.i.+on including a sequel, NO-ONE EVER HAS s.e.x AFTER A BABY.
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