Chapter 13 (1/2)

The Place You Called From

Time pa.s.sed in a blink, and before I knew it, it was the deadline of the bet, August 31st.

It was pouring rain from early in the morning. Appropriately bad weather for my last day, I thought, looking out the window. The weather report said it would rain all over the country all day. The TV showed a crowd of people with umbrellas at a scramble crossing in the city, and read out the estimated rainfall in each area.

Hajikano and I gave up on going outside and spent the day lying in the room, gazing at the rain from the porch, and watching disaster reports on TV. The fact that it was the last day is exactly why we didn’t want to do anything special, just savor a meager but certain happiness.

In the evening, while listening to a record on a turntable found in the closet, Hajikano crept up and covered my back. Her hands came around to my chest, holding a fruit knife.

“Hey, Hinohara. I really enjoyed these ten days,” she said. “It was really like a dream. When I lied down at night and turned off the light, I kept thinking, ”maybe this is a dream I’m having unconscious after my suicide attempt.” I was worried that the next time I woke up, I’d be in a hospital, all alone. …But when I woke up in the morning and opened the screen, you were always there. And I was so happy to know it wasn’t a dream, and that alone almost made me cry.“

Hajikano stopped there.

”…So please,“ she said pleadingly, putting the knife in my hand.

I refused it, and she pouted. ”Mean.”

I took the knife from her hands and put it back in the kitchen. When I returned to the closet, Hajikano was lying down there.

She looked up at me and asked, “Do you not like seeing blood?”

“I dunno,” I dodged.

“I don’t mind strangling.”

“I’ll consider it.”

“That way, I’ll be able to feel your warmth to the end.”

“I think you’ve already felt it plenty these past few days.”

“Absolutely not. And it’s not a matter of how much.”

“Greedy, huh.”

“That I am. You just realized?” She smiled.

This was when I finally noticed that the crying mole under her eye was gone. I got up close to her to look at her face and make sure it wasn’t a mistake.

So that mole wasn’t real after all. Hajikano had been seeking my help all along, with that distress signal she thought up in grade school.

“What’s wrong?”, Hajikano asked, blinking.

I hesitated for how to reply, but after a few breaths, only said “Nothing, it was just my imagination.” Now, I was Yuuya Hinohara. Talking about the crying mole would be bizarre. That was within Yosuke f.u.kamachi’s jurisdiction - and he would never appear before Hajikano ever again.

Looking at her at close range, Hajikano closed her eyes as if expecting something. I parted her bangs and lightly flicked her forehead. She opened her eyes and turned away with dissatisfaction. It was such a childish reaction, my face broke into a smile.

After dinner, I went to look outside, and the rain had become a light drizzle. We notified Yos.h.i.+e reading the evening paper in her lounge chair and left the house. As I took an umbrella from the rack, she stopped my hand and shook her head. One was enough, she was saying.

We put our shoulders together under one umbrella, slowly walking to a coast about twenty minutes from the house. By the time we saw the light of a small lighthouse, the rain had completely stopped. We sat on the edge of the bank, listening to the sound of the waves.

“Hinohara,” she said to me. “To tell the truth, there’s something I need to apologize for.”

“What do you mean?”

She took a deep breath before answering.

“Last night, I finished reading my diary.”

I looked at her face dumbfounded. “…Why would you do that? Didn’t you decide to stop remembering?”

“I’m sorry.”

She lowered her head and gripped the edge of her skirt with her hands.

“Well, what did it say?”, I asked.

Hajikano hesitated to answer that question for a long time.

I forced myself not to face the water, patiently waiting for her to start talking.

And finally, she broke the silence.

“Hinohara. Right now, I like you to a hopeless degree. But before I lost my memory, it seems that wasn’t the case. At least until that moment she leapt into the sea, Yui Hajikano loved Yosuke f.u.kamachi.”

Her words turned my world upside-down.

My mouth hung open.

She continued. “According to my diary, I attempted suicide another time in the middle of July. At a shrine park near my high school, I tried to hang myself. Yosuke was the one who saved me.”

Then Hajikano pointed below her eye.

“Did you notice my crying mole here was a fake?”

I wordlessly nodded.

“This is a signal that only makes sense between Yui Hajikano and Yosuke f.u.kamachi. Like a distress signal, kind of. When you’re hurting, but it’s difficult to be honest about wanting help, you draw a mole under your eye to signal it. That’s what we decided.”

She put her hand under her eye and ran her finger down her cheek, like showing the path of a tear.

“Even after we went to separate middle schools, I would draw a mole under my eye when I wanted help, like it was a good luck charm. I kept that habit even after I lost my memory; not even knowing why I was doing it, after getting out of the bath or was.h.i.+ng my face, every day I would mark under my eye with a marker. …So when I got to high school and found Yosuke f.u.kamachi’s name on the cla.s.s roster, I felt like I was ascending to heaven. ”Ahh, so Yosuke really came to save me.”“

”But,” I interrupted. “But f.u.kamachi was saying then that Hajikano seemed to hate him.”

“Right. It’s not that I hated him, but it’s true I was trying to keep my distance,” Hajikano said. “Because after that horrible incident, I couldn’t look him in the eye. And I wanted Yosuke to just remember me as I was in grade school. I didn’t want the memories of our time together being overwritten by seeing me in my shameful present state. …For better or worse, Yosuke had an accident during spring break and was three months late to start school. So I was able to stay away from him for then.”

She glanced toward me to see my reaction, then faced forward once more.

“When I met Yosuke again months later, I was really surprised. The birthmark that covered the right side of his face had cleanly vanished. When I saw him, I thought, ”I don’t want to burden him.” If he knew the misery of my life, dutiful Yosuke would surely throw away everything to come to my aid. But I didn’t want to interfere with his life like that, when he was free from the prejudice over his birthmark. So I resisted taking the hand he extended to me, and kept refusing him.“

”…I think f.u.kamachi would be glad to know that,“ I said.

Hajikano grinned.

”As much distance as I put between us, Yosuke followed after me. He even clearly stated his fondness for me. I tried to bluntly push him away every time, but… truthfully, I was so happy, I didn’t know what to do with myself. The thought that he was still thinking about me like this made my head spin with joy. But responding to his affection felt like fooling him, so I refrained. And I felt like there must be a girl much more fitting for Yosuke now than me.”

“But ultimately, you ended up stargazing together,” I appended.

“I’m so weak-willed,” Hajikano said self-derisively. “In the end, I gave into temptation and started going with Yosuke to see the stars every night. In my heart, I told myself excuses. ”I’m about to kill myself soon, so can’t I dream a little at the end?”“

”And then you met me and Chigusa.”

“Right. …Honestly, at first I didn’t like giving up my time alone with Yosuke. But once we talked, I found that you and Chigusa were really great people, and I came to like you in no time. Only, Chigusa seemed to be interested in Yosuke, so I was always on edge watching them. Of course, I didn’t let it show. Chigusa was pretty with almost no flaws and had an honest personality, so I thought she would have taken Yosuke from me soon enough.”

Hajikano looked up at the night sky and sighed.

“It’s strange, isn’t it. Just a while ago, I was trying to keep Yosuke away, but now I couldn’t help but feel regretful if someone else took him away. Even though I should have been supporting their relations.h.i.+p. …That said, other than that, our days together were really wonderful. All three of you were at a comfortable distance where you’d turn away but let me hold your hand, so I was free to relax.”

“…If that’s the case, then why did you have to jump in the sea?”

She bowed her head and smiled worriedly. “I couldn’t forgive myself for enjoying my life. It seemed wrong for someone who left two girls to die to be having such a wonderful youth. And yet, I kept desiring more and more happiness. I especially wished to get Yosuke back from Chigusa. I came to hate all of that about myself, so I jumped into the sea.”

Her story seemed to end there. Hajikano looked at my face, and awaited my response to the whole thing.

Once my head was in order, I asked her.

“Do you still love f.u.kamachi now?”

“Yes,” she nodded without hesitation. “I still love Yosuke. I’ve lost my memory, but reading my diary, it hit me. ”Ahh, I do love this person.” …But it was a “love” that sat on the same line as affection shown to family and siblings. And different from the “love” I have for you, Hinohara. Because the first time I truly fell in love was the moment when you visited me in the hospital and embraced me.“

With that, Hajikano leaned against me and hugged me.

Even I didn’t know how I should feel.

In a sense, everything I had done up to now was completely off the mark.

In a sense, nothing I had done up to now was wrong in the slightest.

Something like that, surely.

*

But the story didn’t end here.

That night, I met the witch.

*

When I woke up, the first thing I did was check the time. It seemed like I’d fallen asleep. Hajikano was leaning against my shoulder and sleeping, faintly breathing. My watch said it was 11:56 PM.

Though the bet would be up in less than five minutes, I was calm enough that even I found it strange. Maybe I had experienced enough happiness in these ten days for nearly a lifetime. So there was no need for hastiness. I couldn’t decisively say there was nothing left undone, but to ask any more than this would be a luxury. Considering it was my life, you could call it complete.

I was glad Hajikano was asleep. If I vanished before she woke up, she wouldn’t have to experience the decisive moment. Like a cat vanis.h.i.+ng from its owner before it’s about to die, I felt it would be good to die quietly while Hajikano didn’t notice.

I stared at the second hand on the watch. The red hand relentlessly brought today toward tomorrow, second by second. It seemed like I would be in a staring contest with the numbers to the end at this rate, so I took off the watch and threw it into the sea. Then I laid Hajikano on the ground careful not to wake her, and quietly walked to the edge of the bank.

Time pa.s.sed slowly. Less than five minutes felt like ten or even twenty. They say that before death, your mental activity goes up as your life flashes before your eyes, so maybe it’s something like that, I thought at first.

But it really was a long four minutes. It was like the length of a second increased with each one. Or else with each second forward, tomorrow moved a little further away. I even thought that at this rate, I might never reach tomorrow. Like Achilles chasing after a tortoise he could never catch forever.

Just then, I heard footsteps behind me.

I turned around thinking that Hajikano had woken up, and when I saw the person there, I gulped.

The surprising thing was, when suddenly faced with that revealed truth, I was hardly perturbed. No, not even that. Hard as it was to believe, from my own reaction, it seemed that maybe I had expected her to show up from the beginning, and was just waiting for it to happen.

Perhaps, from some time ago, I had considered the possibility.

The wind blew, and the ribbon of Minagisa First High’s uniform swayed over her chest.

”It has been a while, f.u.kamachi,” Chigusa said.

“Yeah. Long time no see, Ogiue,” I responded with a wave.

Chigusa sat at the edge of the water and looked up at me.

“May I have a cigarette?”

I took a pack from my pocket, pulled out the last one, and handed it to Chigusa. She put it in her mouth, and I held the lighter to her face. Chigusa coughed from the bitter taste and knit her brow.

“It really doesn’t taste good, does it.”

I stood next to Chigusa and gazed at her outfit once more. No mistaking it, she was the Chigusa Ogiue I knew. Her voice, her body, her scent, her behavior, it was all as I remembered it.

But it was also she who was the “woman on the phone,” who’d offered me a bet.

“Don’t talk too loud,” I said. “I don’t want to wake up Hajikano.”

“Not to worry, she will not wake until dawn,” Chigusa said with conviction.

“Did you do something to Hajikano?”

“Hm. Who can say?”, she answered vaguely. “Really though, f.u.kamachi, you weren’t surprised at all to see me. Amazing.”

Once I was sure Hajikano was sound asleep, I talked to Chigusa.

“They got a replacement Miss Minagisa.”

“Yes, I’m aware,” she nodded. “What was she like?”

“I only saw her photo, but she was pretty.”

“Hmm.”

“Personally, though, I liked the previous one better.”

“Is that so. Hooray,” Chigusa raised her hands in delight.

I turned around again to make sure Hajikano wasn’t awake.

Then I got to the point.

“There’s one thing I don’t understand.”

“Only one? What is it?”

“What happened to the real Chigusa Ogiue? Or, was there a real girl named Chigusa Ogiue at all?”