Part 23 (1/2)

”Don't say that, dear. Remember how anxious Mrs. Crawley was that you should come.”

”But I cannot bear to be comfortable here while they are so wretched at home. It seems such a mockery. Every time I find myself smiling at what you say to me, I think I must be the most heartless creature in the world.”

”Is it so very bad with them, Grace?”

”Indeed it is bad. I don't think you can imagine what mamma has to go through. She has to cook all that is eaten in the house, and then, very often, there is no money in the house to buy anything. If you were to see the clothes she wears, even that would make your heart bleed. I who have been used to being poor all my life,--even I, when I am at home, am dismayed by what she has to endure.”

”What can we do for her, Grace?”

”You can do nothing, Lily. But when things are like that at home you can understand what I feel in being here.”

Mrs. Giles and Gregory had now completed their task, or had so nearly done so as to make Miss Dale think that she might safely leave the church. ”We will go in now,” she said; ”for it is dark and cold, and what I call creepy. Do you ever fancy that perhaps you will see a ghost some day?”

”I don't think I shall ever see a ghost; but all the same I should be half afraid to be here alone in the dark.”

”I am often here alone in the dark, but I am beginning to think I shall never see a ghost now. I am losing all my romance, and getting to be an old woman. Do you know, Grace, I do so hate myself for being such an old maid.”

”But who says you're an old maid, Lily?”

”I see it in people's eyes, and hear it in their voices. And they all talk to me as if I were very steady, and altogether removed from anything like fun and frolic. It seems to be admitted that if a girl does not want to fall in love, she ought not to care for any other fun in the world. If anybody made out a list of the old ladies in these parts, they'd put down Lady Julia, and mamma, and Mrs. Boyce, and me, and old Mrs. Hearne. The very children have an awful respect for me, and give over playing directly they see me. Well, mamma, we've done at last, and I have had such a scolding from Mrs. Boyce.”

”I daresay you deserved it, my dear.”

”No, I did not, mamma. Ask Grace if I did.”

”Was she not saucy to Mrs. Boyce, Miss Crawley?”

”She said that Mr. Boyce scratches his nose in church,” said Grace.

”So he does; and goes to sleep, too.”

”If you told Mrs. Boyce that, Lily, I think she was quite right to scold you.”

Such was Miss Lily Dale, with whom Grace Crawley was staying;--Lily Dale with whom Mr. John Eames, of the Income-tax Office, had been so long and so steadily in love, that he was regarded among his fellow-clerks as a miracle of constancy,--who had, herself, in former days been so unfortunate in love as to have been regarded among her friends in the country as the most ill-used of women. As John Eames had been able to be comfortable in life,--that is to say, not utterly a wretch,--in spite of his love, so had she managed to hold up her head, and live as other young women live, in spite of her misfortune.

But as it may be said also that his constancy was true constancy, although he knew how to enjoy the good things of the world, so also had her misfortune been a true misfortune, although she had been able to bear it without much outer show of s.h.i.+pwreck. For a few days,--for a week or two, when the blow first struck her, she had been knocked down, and the friends who were nearest to her had thought that she would never again stand erect upon her feet. But she had been very strong, stout at heart, of a fixed purpose, and capable of resistance against oppression. Even her own mother had been astonished, and sometimes almost dismayed, by the strength of her will. Her mother knew well how it was with her now; but they who saw her frequently, and who did not know her as her mother knew her,--the Mrs. Boyces of her acquaintance,--whispered among themselves that Lily Dale was not so soft of heart as people used to think.

On the next day, Christmas Day, as the reader will remember, Grace Crawley was taken up to dine at the big house with the old squire.

Mrs. Dale's eldest daughter, with her husband, Dr. Crofts, was to be there; and also Lily's old friend, who was also especially the old friend of Johnny Eames, Lady Julia De Guest. Grace had endeavoured to be excused from the party, pleading many pleas. But the upshot of all her pleas was this,--that while her father's position was so painful she ought not to go out anywhere. In answer to this, Lily Dale, corroborated by her mother, a.s.sured her that for her father's sake she ought not to exhibit any such feeling; that in doing so, she would seem to express a doubt as to her father's innocence. Then she allowed herself to be persuaded, telling her friend, however, that she knew the day would be very miserable to her. ”It will be very humdrum, if you please,” said Lily. ”Nothing can be more humdrum than Christmas at the Great House. Nevertheless, you must go.”

Coming out of church, Grace was introduced to the old squire. He was a thin, old man, with grey hair, and the smallest possible grey whiskers, with a dry, solemn face; not carrying in his outward gait much of the customary jollity of Christmas. He took his hat off to Grace, and said some word to her as to hoping to have the pleasure of seeing her at dinner. It sounded very cold to her, and she became at once afraid of him. ”I wish I was not going,” she said to Lily, again. ”I know he thinks I ought not to go. I shall be so thankful if you will but let me stay.”

[Ill.u.s.tration: Grace Crawley is introduced to Squire Dale.]

”Don't be foolish, Grace. It all comes from your not knowing him, or understanding him. And how should you understand him? I give you my word that I would tell you if I did not know that he wishes you to go.”

She had to go. ”Of course I haven't a dress fit. How should I?” she said to Lily. ”How wrong it is of me to put myself up to such a thing as this.”

”Your dress is beautiful, child. We are none of us going in evening dresses. Pray believe that I will not make you do wrong. If you won't trust me, can't you trust mamma?”

Of course she went. When the three ladies entered the drawing-room of the Great House they found that Lady Julia had arrived just before them. Lady Julia immediately took hold of Lily, and led her apart, having a word or two to say about the clerk in the Income-tax Office.