Part 3 (2/2)
During gestation the mother should subsist as far as possible upon fruit, vegetables and a farinaceous diet--always plain and without spices. Plenty of active exercise is indispensable and the use of a ”Health Lift” will be found most beneficial. When the nine months are completed, under care of a competent physician, the birth of the child will be accomplished with but comparatively little pain, and its attendant dangers and difficulties will be greatly lessened.
CHAPTER VIII.
Marriage [concluded].
Husband and Wife.
To preserve the marriage vow inviolate, the same pure love that brought the two together should be cultivated by home uses and home amus.e.m.e.nts such as readings, games, conversation, etc. If the wife have needle work, let the husband read or talk to her; if he be a literary man, let her presence cheer him on and inspire him to n.o.bler and more refined productions. What was done during courts.h.i.+p that made time pa.s.s so rapidly and so pleasantly? Was every topic so discussed and used up that nothing is now left for an exchange of views? Is carnal pleasure to be the only binding tie? Such a life is not very pure and only a poor use can be made of it. Topics of interest to a married pair should be innumerable and their pleasures inexhaustible. Home is the soil in which the tree is to grow; and the richer the soil, the better for the tree, and the more numerous will be the branches, all of them vigorously developing buds and leaves, blossoms and fruit, which will be most fragrant, beautiful and useful. When amus.e.m.e.nt outside of home is sought let it be, as far as possible, of a nature that both may enjoy it equally.
Husband and Wife! He, being of larger mould in every particular, in head, chest, and all the vital organs, is the provider, the protector, the guardian of his home; he, the masculine, or representative of the Truth, is to lead the way in conducting home or business affairs. She, the feminine, or representative of the Good, inclines to the good way continually; and, as married partners, Good and Truth should be married in them. There cannot be a true evil way nor a good false way; there can only be a true good way and a good true way. So the wife, the good, must conjoin herself to her husband, the truth, in order that every truth may result in good; and the husband, the truth, should seek to be conjoined to the wife, the good, that every good may become true. In this there is much wisdom: if the husband be truly wise he will always be sure that all his projects are tempered with good; while if the wife be truly good, all her doings will be enlightened by truth. As hand in hand they thus go through life's planning and doing, the husband will always be a.s.sisted by his good, the wife; and the wife will be led on in good by her truth, the husband. By taking this high and holy ground, there will be experienced pleasure and happiness by the married couple, far transcending all other modes of life in existence. Then will each and every organ in the body be seen to have a fitness, a place, and a use which could not possibly be dispensed with, because, each and all these organs have an originating cause in the mental and spiritual parts of mankind, from which they proceed and from which they exist. Thus we see how wrong, how frightfully wrong it is to abuse, or pervert the use of, _any_ of these physical organs which are so sacred and so important to the welfare of the human family. ”Dishonor the body, the temple of the soul, and you dishonor the soul.” ”If any man defile the temple of G.o.d, him will G.o.d destroy.”--I. Cor. 3:17.
When married, the battle for one united and harmonious life really begins. The wife's great and supreme love for her husband personally, will allow many privileges which under other circ.u.mstances her timidity and chast.i.ty would refuse. Tenderly and with great consideration should these privileges be accepted. For, contrary to the opinion of many men, there is no s.e.xual pa.s.sion on the part of the bride that induces her to grant such liberties. Then how exquisitely gentle and how forbearing should be the bridegroom's deportment on such occasions! Sometimes such a shock is administered to her sensibilities that she does not recover from it for years; and in consequence of this shock, rudely or thoughtlessly administered, she forms a deeply rooted antipathy against the very act which is the bond and seal of a truly happy married life.
These s.e.xual unions serve to bring the married pair into a perfectly harmonious relation to each other. And just as tenderly, lovingly and harmoniously should they join in each and all the daily uses of life which they are called upon to perform. The s.e.xual relation is among the most important uses of married life; it vivifies the affections for each other, as nothing else in this world can, and is a powerful reminder of their mutual obligations to one another and to the community in which they live. Indulgence, however, should not be too frequent, lest it debilitate the pair and undermine their health. The bridegroom and husband should carefully watch over his bride and wife to see that she is not a sufferer and should govern himself accordingly. It is better that these renewed obligations should be made at stated periods, as man is governed so much by habit. As a rule, once or twice a week, or in some cases once in two weeks, is sufficient; but once a week will suffice in many cases for healthful purposes. During the menstrual flow there should be an entire cessation of the conjugal act. When pregnancy occurs it is in most cases, more healthful and better for the expectant mother to allow intercourse at regular times, very gently, throughout her gestation.
The object of marriage is the ultimation of that love which brings the two together and binds them together, in the procreation and rearing of children for Heaven. This is the only true aim and sole object about which every earthly desire, interest and plan of the married pair should cl.u.s.ter.
_As to the question of child-bearing._ No greater crime in the sight of Heaven exists to-day than that of perverting the natural uses of marriage. This is done in a great variety of ways, every one of which is criminal, in whatever form practised; and none will escape the penalty--no, not one. Nature's laws are inexorable; every transgression thereof is surely punished, even at the _climacteric period_, if not before. The questions of failing health, of physical inability, or too frequent conceptions are matters for the investigation, advice and decision of an experienced, judicious and upright physician. They should never be taken in hand and judged upon by the parties themselves. And to the objection ”can't afford to have children; they cost too much,” I have faith enough to reply, ”Our Heavenly Father never sends more mouths than he can feed.” Let each one do his and her duty in life and this cavil falls to the ground like water--which, when spilled, cannot be gathered up.
Good people everywhere rejoice when they behold a married couple living together in an orderly manner and rearing a large family of children.
How often is Queen Victoria held up as a pattern of excellence in this respect: she accepted and acknowledged Prince Albert as her husband and gave herself to him as his wife; and so indeed she was in every sense of the term. Although a Queen, sitting on the pinnacle of power, she did not seek to avoid the pangs, the dangers or inconveniences of child-bearing. By her own personal strength her twelve children were brought forth and her own sensitive fibres and tissues felt the suffering. She nursed, caressed and loved them like a good mother and she was a _royal mother_! Other kings and queens have done likewise; other husbands and wives, high in power, wealth and fas.h.i.+on have done and are still doing the same. And how much the less should we, in the humbler walks of life, obey the Divine command ”Be fruitful and multiply.”
If a husband truly loves his wife and if she truly loves him, they will live for each other and in each other, and they will be one; and they will seek to do right in every particular of their marital relation.
To apply to life the truths advanced above and to realize them, will require great effort by the parties in question. This manner of life will not come of itself; it is too good to come without working for.
Mutual concessions must be made daily, and several times a day; one's own way must frequently be given up, and always when discovered to be a selfish way, because the mutual good is always to be consulted.
Questions of importance should be discussed freely and dispa.s.sionately, and a good reason be established before adopting actions that may not lead to proper results. In the marriage co-partners.h.i.+p the interest in the right and the wrong, the loss and the gain, the lights and the shadows, the pleasures and the pains, should be equally shared; because they concern one just as much as the other, and should be equally enjoyed, and equally borne by both.
A start is made with loving hearts and this state of affairs must never be allowed to diminish. The husband should ever be glad to see his wife, and the wife should ever be glad to see her husband. How many husbands never know what reception they will meet with on returning home after their anxious and exhausting business hours are over for the day; it may be a happy or a very unhappy one. How much it consoles, encourages, lifts up, and rests a man to return to his home after the trying scenes of a day busily spent in providing for the support of his family are over, to find his wife affectionate and serene, and all about the house brilliant with contentment. Such a wife if she has troubles, and of course she has just as many troubles as the husband, though of a different kind, and wishes to call the attention of her husband to them, will do it at a proper time, when she knows it will annoy him the least, and when he will be able to give her the most a.s.sistance. She will never try to annoy him; but endeavoring to be a true help-meet will seek in a proper and loving way to get him to be the same to her. The wife will gain and command the respect of her husband only through kind and loving ways. By her love constantly and judiciously administered she will lead him onward and upward to higher aspirations and better circ.u.mstances in life, throughout their days of united existence. A scolding, fretting, worrying and selfish wife has ruined for life many a husband.
All the ”self-denial” however, as it is called by some, is not on the wife's side; the husband too must be forbearing; he must remember on his way home at night that his faithful wife, who has been at home all day, has had trials and disappointments in her domestic affairs; and he must not be disappointed to find domestic arrangements a little disordered, and his wife somewhat chagrined that, under the circ.u.mstances, she really could give him no better a reception than he may experience. He must always try to make the best of it and be satisfied. He must not find fault with the cooking, for instance, but must be perfectly content with everything as it is until his well-managing wife has had time to overcome her difficulties and troubles.
Never find fault with your wife under any circ.u.mstances; let your intellect discover a way to better things if need be. A really wise man will never allow a harsh word to escape his lips to a loving wife, or to his harmless children. By so living together a wise husband and a loving wife will soon discover that they two are but complemental to each other--like the Will and Understanding of one individual.
CHAPTER IX.
TO THE UNFORTUNATE.
Let no one imagine that, because he or she has committed any of the great errors enumerated in former chapters, there is no hopeful future.
Such a conclusion need not, necessarily, be accepted. In very many cases where there is a _will_ to reform, there is also a _way_; and very often a complete cure and restoration to health may be effected. Diseased bones may be made sound; ulcerations healed; sore throats cured; blemishes on the skin removed; urinary difficulties may be dissipated or at least greatly ameliorated; s.e.xual disorders remedied; impaired eyes much improved and defective vision much benefited if not wholly restored; the auditory apparatus helped if not fully cured; and the distracted mind, with its fanciful imageries, rendered tranquil and rational.
To accomplish all this the _mind_ must lead the way. The brain must a.s.sert its supremacy, and the will-power become absolute. It is only where there is a will, an indomitable will, that a way out of these direful difficulties is afforded. Let happen what may, no opposing influences should dampen the determination to press forward to reformation; and then, sooner or later, the conquest will be made.
To begin with, when the mind is fully determined to overcome all obstacles or perish in the attempt, consult a judicious physician as advised in the preface of this book. Lose no time with quackery in any shape or form. Do not be beguiled by those who promise ”a speedy cure.”
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