Part 67 (1/2)
Turning in his chair, Prentiss laid his hand upon the back of Kate's, and his keen worldly eyes shone with the peculiar satisfaction which human nature finds in its own flesh and blood when it reflects credit upon themselves. Immeasurable pride was in his face as he looked at her.
The miracle of clothes and an altered frame of mind had done wonders for Kate. The austere expression, the tense lines which came from responsibility and unhappiness had been smoothed out, while much of the tan of her years in the open air had vanished in a few weeks in the moist climate of the east. She looked not more than twenty-two or three in the soft glow of the shaded lights, and of the awkward self-conscious girl whom they remembered on that night in this same dining room, there was not a trace.
She had the quiet a.s.surance of authority, the poise of self-reliance and reserve force, but there was not a shade of triumph in her face, at the power with which her father had vested her.
There seemed not to be even heart beats in the tense silence while Kate sat with her eyes downcast, clinking, with her jewelled fingers, a bit of ice against the sides of her drinking gla.s.s. Even when she spoke finally she did not look up, but began in a low, even voice:
”A fable that I read long ago keeps coming to me to-night--the story of a king, powerful and cruel, who, when his time came to appear before the Great Judge, the single entry in his favor that the Recording Angel could find was the whim which had induced him when walking one day to have a pig that he saw suffering in the gutter put out of its misery.
”The story is applicable in that as I sit here I realize that in all the years I have been among you there is only one,” she raised her eyes and indicated Teeters's empty chair, ”who ever has done me the smallest disinterested kindness.
”Until I got beyond the need of it, I cannot remember one unselfish, friendly act, or, at a time when every man's hand was against me, one sympathetic word or look. It sounds incredible, but it is the truth. It seems the irony of Fate indeed that this decision, which means so much to you, should rest with me.”
She stopped and lowered her eyes again to the gla.s.s which she twirled slowly as she deliberated, as if choosing the words which should most exactly express her thoughts.
She began again:
”You will excuse me if I speak much of myself, but there is no other way to make clear what I have to say.” She paused for a breathless moment, and went on: ”We all have our peculiarities of temperament and mind, our individual idiosyncracies, to distinguish us, and they are as marked as physical characteristics, and it happens to be mine that either a kindness or an injury is something to be paid in full as surely as a promissory note, if it is possible to do so.
”The debts I owe to you are for acts of wanton cruelty that one would have to look to Indians to find their counterpart, for deliberate insults that had not even the excuse of personal animus to justify them, but were due solely to the cowardice which likes to strike where it is safe--the eagerness to hurt, which seems to be the first instinct of small minds and natures. I have no taste to rehea.r.s.e my grievances, but it is necessary, that you may quite understand why it is that I feel as I do towards you.”
Somewhat in the tone of a person reciting a lesson she continued:
”I was a young girl when I first came among you--to the dance here, into this very room. I was ignorant, unsophisticated. I met you with my hand outstretched, yearning for your friends.h.i.+p; and you would as well have struck me in my upturned face as do what you did.
”I had no mother, no woman friend to tell me that I was absurd in my paper flowers and the dress that I had made with my inexperienced fingers, and you could find no excuse for my ridiculous appearance, but enjoyed it openly.
”When you laughed in my face you had not yet inflicted pain enough to satisfy you--you had to turn the knife to see me quiver. And you did--mercilessly--relis.h.i.+ng my humiliation when I had to leave.
”There was not one among you generous enough to make allowance for my youth and inexperience, and spare me. You saw only that I was absurd in my fantastic clothes, and overly anxious to be friendly. I was the daughter of 'Jezebel of the Sand Coulee' and the protegee of a 'sheepherder.'
”I did not know you then as I do now and your pose of superiority impressed me; I took you at your own valuation and overestimated you; so I was all but crushed by your condemnation. I was like a child that is whipped without knowing for what it is being punished.”
She paused a moment before going on.
”Worse things came to me afterwards, but none from which I suffered more keenly--in a different way, perhaps, but not more acutely. The wounds you inflicted that night left scars that never have healed entirely.
”The turning-point in my life came when 'Mormon Joe' was murdered. He was more than a guardian and a benefactor--he had been father, mother, teacher, to me, but with no other grounds than that I benefited by his death, the stigma of murder was placed upon me. There was not evidence to hold me, so I remained a suspect, proven neither guilty nor innocent.
”The murder was little more than an agreeable break in the monotony to most of you, but it revolutionized the world for me--changed the whole scheme of my life--and,” with a smile that was tinged with bitterness, ”demonstrated to my entire satisfaction the extent to which character is affected by environment.”
She went on thoughtfully:
”I have come to believe that to know human nature--at least to know it as its worst--one must be the victim of some discreditable misfortune in a small community. Moral cowardice, ingrat.i.tude, the greed which is ready to take advantage of some one unable to make an effective protest, the gratuitous insults offered the 'under dog' because he is helpless to fight back--he discovers it all, and when all is done he has little faith in human nature left.
”This experience I had at your hands, to the last ounce. I know the 'friends.h.i.+p' that couldn't 'stand the gaff' of public opinion, the ingrat.i.tude that makes no count of personal sacrifice, the rapacity that takes it to the border of dishonesty to attain its end. Yet, curiously enough, after the lapse of years these things shrink into comparative insignificance beside the uncalled for insolence, unwarranted affronts, which were offered me by many of you with whom I had not even a speaking acquaintance.
”My friendlessness aroused no pity in your hearts; I was only an unresisting target at which to throw a convenient stone. For years I stood out in the open, as it were, with the storms to whip the life out of me, and not one of you offered me a cloak.
”Upon any nature this experience would have had its effect--most women, I think, it would have crushed. In me it developed traits that in other circ.u.mstances might always have lain dormant. Along with a pride that was tremendous, it aroused a desire for revenge that was savage in its ferocity. I've lived for some such hour as this--worked, and sacrificed my happiness for it.