Part 41 (1/2)
When Mr. and Mrs. Redmain arrived, there was so much to be done for Hesper's wardrobe that, for some days, Mary found it impossible to go and see Letty. Her mistress seemed harder to please than usual, and more doubtful of humor than ever before. This may have arisen--but I doubt it--from the fact that, having gone to church the Sunday before they left, she had there heard a different sort of sermon from any she had heard in her life before: sermons have something to do with the history of the world, however many of them may be no better than a withered leaf in the blast.
The morning after her arrival, Hesper, happening to find herself in want of Mary's immediate help, instead of calling her as she generally did, opened the door between their rooms, and saw Mary on her knees by her bedside. Now, Hesper had heard of saying prayers--night and morning both--and, when a child, had been expected, and indeed compelled, to say her prayers; but to be found on one's knees in the middle of the day looked to her a thing exceedingly odd. Mary, in truth, was not much in the way of kneeling at such a time: she had to pray much too often to kneel always, and G.o.d was too near her, wherever she happened to be, for the fancy that she must seek him in any particular place; but so it happened now. She rose, a little startled rather than troubled, and followed her mistress into her room.
”I am sorry to have disturbed you, Mary,” said Hesper, herself a little annoyed, it is not quite easy to say why; ”but people do not generally say their prayers in the middle of the day.”
”I say mine when I need to say them,” answered Mary, a little cross that Hesper should take any notice. She would rather the thing had not occurred, and it was worse to have to talk about it.
”For my part, I don't see any good in being righteous overmuch,” said Hesper.
I wonder if there was another saying in the Bible she would have been so ready to quote!
”I don't know what that means,” returned Mary. ”I believe it is somewhere in the Bible, but I am sure Jesus never said it, for he tells us to be righteous as our Father in heaven is righteous.”
”But the thing is impossible,” said Hesper. ”How is one with such claims on her as I have, to attend to these things? Society has claims: no one denies that.”
”And has G.o.d none?” asked Mary.
”Many people think now there is no G.o.d at all,” returned Hesper, with an almost petulant expression.
”If there is no G.o.d, that settles the question,” answered Mary. ”But, if there should be one, how then?”
”Then I am sure he would never be hard on one like me. I do just like other people. One must do as people do. If there is one thing that must be avoided more than another, it is peculiarity. How ridiculous it would be of any one to set herself against society!”
”Then you think the Judge will be satisfied if you say, 'Lord, I had so many names in my visiting-book, and so many invitations I could not refuse, that it was impossible for me to attend to those things'?”
”I don't see that I'm at all worse than other people,” persisted Hesper. ”I can't go and pretend to be sorry for sins I should commit again the next time there was a necessity. I don't see what I've got to repent of.”
Nothing had been said about repentance: here, I imagine, the sermon may have come in.
”Then, of course, you can't repent,” said Mary.
Hesper recovered herself a little.
”I am glad you see the thing as I do,” she said.
”I don't see it at all as you do, ma'am,” answered Mary, gently.
”Why!” exclaimed Hesper, taken by surprise, ”what have I got to repent of?”
”Do you really want me to say what I think?” asked Mary.
”Of course, I do,” returned Hesper, getting angry, and at the same time uneasy: she knew Mary's freedom of speech upon occasion, but felt that to draw back would be to yield the point. ”What have I done to be ashamed of, pray?”
Some ladies are ready to plume themselves upon not having been guilty of certain great crimes. Some thieves, I dare say, console themselves that they have never committed murder.
”If I had married a man I did not love,” answered Mary, ”I should be more ashamed of myself than I can tell.”
”That is the way of looking at such things in the cla.s.s you belong to, I dare say,” rejoined Hesper; ”but with us it is quite different. There is no necessity laid upon _you. Our_ position obliges us.”
”But what if G.o.d should not see it as you do?”