Part 20 (1/2)
Finn,” she said.
”Well;--yes: what is it?” And turning round he made an attempt to smile.
”Will you not wish me joy, or say a word of congratulation? Had I not thought much of your friends.h.i.+p, I should not have been so quick to tell you of my destiny. No one else has been told, except papa.”
”Of course I hope you will be happy. Of course I do. No wonder he lent me the pony!”
”You must forget all that.”
”Forget what?”
”Well,--nothing. You need forget nothing,” said Lady Laura, ”for nothing has been said that need be regretted. Only wish me joy, and all will be pleasant.”
”Lady Laura, I do wish you joy, with all my heart,--but that will not make all things pleasant. I came up here to ask you to be my wife.”
”No;--no, no; do not say it.”
”But I have said it, and will say it again. I, poor, penniless, plain simple fool that I am, have been a.s.s enough to love you, Lady Laura Standish; and I brought you up here to-day to ask you to share with me--my nothingness. And this I have done on soil that is to be all your own. Tell me that you regard me as a conceited fool,--as a bewildered idiot.”
”I wish to regard you as a dear friend,--both of my own and of my husband,” said she, offering him her hand.
”Should I have had a chance, I wonder, if I had spoken a week since?”
”How can I answer such a question, Mr. Finn? Or, rather, I will, answer it fully. It is not a week since we told each other, you to me and I to you, that we were both poor,--both without other means than those which come to us from our fathers. You will make your way;--will make it surely; but how at present could you marry any woman unless she had money of her own? For me,--like so many other girls, it was necessary that I should stay at home or marry some one rich enough to dispense with fortune in a wife. The man whom in all the world I think the best has asked me to share everything with him;--and I have thought it wise to accept his offer.”
”And I was fool enough to think that you loved me,” said Phineas. To this she made no immediate answer. ”Yes, I was. I feel that I owe it you to tell you what a fool I have been. I did. I thought you loved me. At least I thought that perhaps you loved me. It was like a child wanting the moon;--was it not?”
”And why should I not have loved you?” she said slowly, laying her hand gently upon his arm.
”Why not? Because Loughlinter--”
”Stop, Mr. Finn; stop. Do not say to me any unkind word that I have not deserved, and that would make a breach between us. I have accepted the owner of Loughlinter as my husband, because I verily believe that I shall thus do my duty in that sphere of life to which it has pleased G.o.d to call me. I have always liked him, and I will love him. For you,--may I trust myself to speak openly to you?”
”You may trust me as against all others, except us two ourselves.”
”For you, then, I will say also that I have always liked you since I knew you; that I have loved you as a friend;--and could have loved you otherwise had not circ.u.mstances showed me so plainly that it would be unwise.”
”Oh, Lady Laura!”
”Listen a moment. And pray remember that what I say to you now must never be repeated to any ears. No one knows it but my father, my brother, and Mr. Kennedy. Early in the spring I paid my brother's debts. His affection to me is more than a return for what I have done for him. But when I did this,--when I made up my mind to do it, I made up my mind also that I could not allow myself the same freedom of choice which would otherwise have belonged to me. Will that be sufficient, Mr. Finn?”
”How can I answer you, Lady Laura? Sufficient! And you are not angry with me for what I have said?”
”No, I am not angry. But it is understood, of course, that nothing of this shall ever be repeated,--even among ourselves. Is that a bargain?”
”Oh, yes. I shall never speak of it again.”
”And now you will wish me joy?”
”I have wished you joy, Lady Laura. And I will do so again. May you have every blessing which the world can give you. You cannot expect me to be very jovial for awhile myself; but there will be n.o.body to see my melancholy moods. I shall be hiding myself away in Ireland.
When is the marriage to be?”