Part 12 (2/2)
”Because I am so anxious. Because it would save him. Because you are the only woman for whom he has ever cared, and because he loves you with all his heart; and because his father would be reconciled to him to-morrow if he heard that you and he were engaged.”
”Laura, my dear--”
”Well.”
”You won't be angry if I speak out?”
”Certainly not. After what I have said, you have a right to speak out.”
”It seems to me that all your reasons are reasons why he should marry me;--not reasons why I should marry him.”
”Is not his love for you a reason?”
”No,” said Violet, pausing,--and speaking the word in the lowest possible whisper. ”If he did not love me, that, if known to me, should be a reason why I should not marry him. Ten men may love me,--I don't say that any man does--”
”He does.”
”But I can't marry all the ten. And as for that business of saving him--”
”You know what I mean!”
”I don't know that I have any special mission for saving young men. I sometimes think that I shall have quite enough to do to save myself.
It is strange what a propensity I feel for the wrong side of the post.”
”I feel the strongest a.s.surance that you will always keep on the right side.”
”Thank you, my dear. I mean to try, but I'm quite sure that the jockey who takes me in hand ought to be very steady himself. Now, Lord Chiltern--”
”Well,--out with it. What have you to say?”
”He does not bear the best reputation in this world as a steady man.
Is he altogether the sort of man that mammas of the best kind are seeking for their daughters? I like a roue myself;--and a prig who sits all night in the House, and talks about nothing but church-rates and suffrage, is to me intolerable. I prefer men who are improper, and all that sort of thing. If I were a man myself I should go in for everything I ought to leave alone. I know I should. But you see,--I'm not a man, and I must take care of myself. The wrong side of a post for a woman is so very much the wrong side. I like a fast man, but I know that I must not dare to marry the sort of man that I like.”
”To be one of us, then,--the very first among us;--would that be the wrong side?”
”You mean that to be Lady Chiltern in the present tense, and Lady Brentford in the future, would be promotion for Violet Effingham in the past?”
”How hard you are, Violet!”
”Fancy,--that it should come to this,--that you should call me hard, Laura. I should like to be your sister. I should like well enough to be your father's daughter. I should like well enough to be Chiltern's friend. I am his friend. Nothing that any one has ever said of him has estranged me from him. I have fought for him till I have been black in the face. Yes, I have,--with my aunt. But I am afraid to be his wife. The risk would be so great. Suppose that I did not save him, but that he brought me to s.h.i.+pwreck instead?”
”That could not be!”
”Could it not? I think it might be so very well. When I was a child they used to be always telling me to mind myself. It seems to me that a child and a man need not mind themselves. Let them do what they may, they can be set right again. Let them fall as they will, you can put them on their feet. But a woman has to mind herself;--and very hard work it is when she has a dragon of her own driving her ever the wrong way.”
”I want to take you from the dragon.”
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