Part 55 (1/2)
Jenkins stared at Carrot. ”Did you win win?” he said.
”Oh, yes. On penalties, in the end.”
Green-blue light filtered through the tiny windows of the Boat.
Lord Vetinari pulled the steering levers until he was pretty certain that they were heading toward a suitable s.h.i.+p and said: ”What is it I can smell, Sergeant Colon?”
”It's Bet-It's n.o.bby, sir,” said Colon, pedaling industriously.
”Corporal n.o.bbs?”
n.o.bby almost blushed. ”I bought a bottle of scent, sir. For my young lady.”
Lord Vetinari coughed. ”What exactly do you mean by 'your young lady'?” he said.
”Well, for when I get one,” said n.o.bby.
”Ah.” Even Lord Vetinari sounded relieved.
”On account of I expect I shall now, me having fully explored my s.e.xual nature and now feeling fully comfortable with myself,” said n.o.bby.
”You feel comfortable with yourself?”
”Yessir!” said n.o.bby happily.
”And when you find this lucky lady, you will give her this bottle of-”
”'s called 'Kasbah Nights,' sir.”
”Of course. Very...floral, isn't it?”
”Yessir. That's 'cos of the jasmine and rare ungulants in it, sir.”
”And yet at the same time curiously...penetrative.”
n.o.bby grinned. ”Good value for money, sir. A little goes a long way.”
”Not far enough, possibly?”
But n.o.bby rusted even irony. ”I got it in the same shop that sarge got the hump, sir.”
”Ah...yes.”
There wasn't very much s.p.a.ce in the Boat, and most of it was taken up with Sergeant Colon's souvenirs. He'd been allowed a brief shopping expedition ”to take home something for the wife, sir, otherwise I'll never hear the last of it.”
”Mrs. Colon will like a stuffed camel hump, will she, sergeant?” said the Patrician doubtfully.
”Yessir. She can put things on it, sir.”
”And the set of nested bra.s.s tables?”
”To put things on, sir.”
”And the”-there was a clanking-”set of goat bells, ornamental coffee pot, miniature camel saddle and this...strange gla.s.s tube with little bands of different colored sand in it...what are these for?”
”Conversation pieces, sir.”
”You mean people will say things like 'What are they for?', do you?”
Sergeant Colon looked pleased with himself.
”See, sir? We're talking about 'em already.”
”Remarkable.”
Sergeant Colon coughed and indicated with a tilt of his head the hunched figure of Leonard, who was sitting in the stern with his head in his hands.
”He's a bit quiet, sir,” he whispered. ”Can't seem to get a word out of him.”
”He has a lot on his mind,” said the Patrician.
The watchmen pedaled onward for a while, but the close confines of the Boat encouraged a confidentiality that would never have been found on land.
”Sorry to hear you're getting the sack, sir,” said Colon.
”Really,” said Lord Vetinari.
”You'd definitely get my vote, if we had elections.”
”Capital.”
”I think people want want the thumbscrew of firm government, myself.” the thumbscrew of firm government, myself.”
”Good.”
”Your predecessor, Lord Snapcase, now he was was mental. But, like I've always said, people know where they stand with Lord Vetinari...” mental. But, like I've always said, people know where they stand with Lord Vetinari...”
”Well done.”
”They might not like like where they're standing, of course...” where they're standing, of course...”
Lord Vetinari looked up. They were under a boat now and it seemed to be going in the right direction. He steered the Boat until he heard the thunk thunk of hull hitting hull, and gave the auger a few turns. of hull hitting hull, and gave the auger a few turns.
”Am I being sacked, sergeant?” he said, sitting back.