Part 48 (1/2)
Vimes took a deep breath. ”You know, you really fooled me,” he said. ”'May your loins be full of fruit.' That was a good one. I really thought you were just-” He stopped. But Ahmed continued: ”-just another camel-driver with a towel on his head? Oh, dear. And you'd been doing so well up to now, Sir Samuel. The Prince was very impressed.”
”Oh, come on on. You were all but making suggestive comments about melons. What was I supposed to think?”
”Don't fret, Sir Samuel. I consider it all a compliment. You can turn around. I wouldn't dream of harming you unless you do something...foolish.”
Vimes turned. He could just make out a shape in the afterglow.
”You were admiring this place,” said Ahmed. ”Tacticus's men had it built when he tried to conquer Klatch. It's not really a city by today's standards, of course. It was really just making a point. 'Here we are and here we stay,' as it were. And then the wind changed.”
”You murdered Snowy Slopes, didn't you?”
”The term is executed. I can show you the confession he signed beforehand.”
”Of his own free will?”
”More or less.”
”What?”
”Let us say, I pointed out to him the alternatives to signing the confession. I was kind enough to leave you the pad. After all, I wanted to keep your interest. And don't look like that, Sir Samuel. I need you.”
”How can you tell how I look?”
”I can guess. The a.s.sa.s.sins' Guild had a contract on him in any case. And by a happy chance I am am a Guild member.” a Guild member.”
”You?” Vimes tried to bite down on the word. And then: why not not him? Kids got sent a thousand miles to be taught in the a.s.sa.s.sins' Guild school... him? Kids got sent a thousand miles to be taught in the a.s.sa.s.sins' Guild school...
”Oh, yes. The best years of my life, they tell me. I was in Viper House. Up School! Up School! Right Up School!” He sighed like a prince and spat like a camel driver. ”If I shut my eyes I can still recall the taste of that peculiar custard we used to get on Mondays. Dear me, how it all comes back...I remember every soggy street. Does Mr. Dibbler still sell his horrible sausages inna bun in Treacle Mine Road?”
”Yes.”
”Still the same old Dibbler, eh?”
”Still the same sausages.”
”Once tasted, never forgotten.”
”True.”
”No, don't move too quickly, Sir Samuel. Otherwise I'm afraid I shall be cutting your own throat. You don't trust me, and I don't trust you.”
”Why did you drag me here?”
”Drag you? I had to sabotage my own s.h.i.+p so you wouldn't lose me!”
”Yes, but...you...knew how I'd react.” Vimes's heart began to sink. Everyone Everyone knew how Sam Vimes would react... knew how Sam Vimes would react...
”Yes. Would you like a cigarette, Sir Samuel?”
”I thought you sucked those d.a.m.n cloves.”
”In Ankh-Morpork, yes. Always be a little bit foreign wherever you are, because everyone knows foreigners are a little bit stupid. Besides, these are rather good.”
”Fresh from the desert?”
”Hah! Yes, everyone everyone knows Klatchian cigarettes are made from camel dung.” A match flared, and for a moment Vimes caught a glimpse of the hooked nose as Ahmed lit the cigarette for him. ”That is one area where, I regret to say, prejudice has some evidence on its side. No, these are all the way from Sumtri. An island where, it is said, the women have no souls. Personally, I doubt it.” knows Klatchian cigarettes are made from camel dung.” A match flared, and for a moment Vimes caught a glimpse of the hooked nose as Ahmed lit the cigarette for him. ”That is one area where, I regret to say, prejudice has some evidence on its side. No, these are all the way from Sumtri. An island where, it is said, the women have no souls. Personally, I doubt it.”
Vimes could make out a hand, holding the packet. Just for a moment he wondered if he could grab and- ”How is your luck?” said Ahmed.
”Running out, I suspect.”
”Yes. A man should know the length of his luck. Shall I tell you how I know you are a good man, Sir Samuel?” In the light of the rising moon Vimes saw Ahmed produce a cigarette holder, insert one, and light up almost fastidiously.
”Do tell.”
”After the attempt on the Prince's life I suspected everyone everyone. But you suspected only your own people. You couldn't bring yourself to think the Klatchians might have done it. Because that'd line you up with the likes of Sergeant Colon and all the rest of the Klatchian-cigarettes-are-made-of-camel-dung brigade.”
”Whose policeman are you?”
”I draw my pay, let us say, as the wali wali of Prince Cadram.” of Prince Cadram.”
”I shouldn't think he's very happy with you right now, then. You were supposed to be guarding his brother, weren't you?” So was I, Vimes thought. But what the h.e.l.l...
”Yes. And we thought the same way, Sir Samuel. You thought it was your people, I thought it was mine. The difference is, I was right. Khufurah's death was plotted in Klatch.”
”Oh, really? That's what they wanted wanted the Watch to think-” the Watch to think-”
”No, Sir Samuel. The important thing is what someone wanted you you to think.” to think.”
”Really? Well, you've got that wrong. All the stuff with the gla.s.s and the sand on the floor, I saw through...that...straight...away...”
His voice faded into silence.
After a while Ahmed said, almost sympathetically, ”Yes, you did.”
”d.a.m.n.”
”Oh, in some ways you were right. Ossie was was paid in dollars, originally. And then, later on, someone broke in, making sure they dumped paid in dollars, originally. And then, later on, someone broke in, making sure they dumped most most of the gla.s.s outside, and swapped the money. And distributed the sand. I must say that I thought the sand was going a bit too far, too. No one would be of the gla.s.s outside, and swapped the money. And distributed the sand. I must say that I thought the sand was going a bit too far, too. No one would be that that stupid. But they wanted to make sure it looked like a bungled attempt.” stupid. But they wanted to make sure it looked like a bungled attempt.”
”Who was it?” said Vimes.
”Oh, a small-time thief. Bob-Bob Hardyoyo. He didn't even know why he was doing it, except that someone was willing to pay him. I commend your city, commander. For enough money, you can find someone to do anything anything.”
”Someone must have paid him.” must have paid him.”
”A man he met in a pub.”
Vimes nodded glumly. It was amazing how many people were prepared to do business with a man they'd met in a pub.
”I can believe that,” he said.