Part 22 (1/2)

Vimes was only half surprised when the doors to the Rats Chamber opened and there, sitting at the head of the table, was Lord Rust. The Patrician wasn't there.

He was half half surprised. That is, at a certain shallow level he thought, that's odd, I thought you couldn't budge the man with a siege weapon. But at a dark level, where the daylight seldom penetrated, he thought: surprised. That is, at a certain shallow level he thought, that's odd, I thought you couldn't budge the man with a siege weapon. But at a dark level, where the daylight seldom penetrated, he thought: of course of course. At a time like this men like Rust rise to the top. It's like stirring a swamp with a stick. Really big bubbles are suddenly on the surface and there's a bad smell about everything. Nevertheless, he saluted and said: ”Lord Vetinari on his holidays, then?”

”Lord Vetinari stepped down this evening, Vimes,” said Lord Rust. ”Pro tem, of course. Just for the duration of the emergency.”

”Really?” said Vimes.

”Yes. And I have to say that he antic.i.p.ated a certain...cynicism on your part, commander, and therefore asked me to give you this letter. You will see that it is sealed with his seal.”

Vimes looked at the envelope. There was certainly the official seal in the wax, but- He met Lord Rust's gaze and at least that suspicion faded. Rust wouldn't try a trick like that. Men like Rust had a moral code of sorts, and some things weren't honorable honorable. You could own a street of crowded houses where people lived like c.o.c.kroaches and the c.o.c.kroaches lived like kings and that was perfectly okay, but Rust would probably die before he'd descend to forgery.

”I see, sir,” said Vimes. ”You wanted me?”

”Commander Vimes, I must ask you to take the Klatchians resident in the city into custody.”

”On what charge, sir?”

”Commander, we are on the verge of war war with Klatch. Surely you understand?” with Klatch. Surely you understand?”

”No, sir.”

”We are talking about spying, commander. Sabotage, even,” said Lord Rust. ”To be frank...the city is to be placed under martial law.”

”Yessir? What kind of law's that, sir?” said Vimes, staring straight ahead.

”You know very well, Vimes.”

”Is it the kind where you shout 'Stop!' before before you fire, sir, or the other kind?” you fire, sir, or the other kind?”

”Ah. I see see.” Rust stood up and leaned forward.

”It pleased you to be...smart with Lord Vetinari, and for some reason he indulged you,” he said. ”I, on the other hand, know your type.” with Lord Vetinari, and for some reason he indulged you,” he said. ”I, on the other hand, know your type.”

”My type?”

”It seems to me that the streets are full of crimes, commander. Unlicensed begging, public nuisances...but you seem to turn a blind eye, you seem to think you should have bigger ideas. But you are not required to have big ideas, commander. You are a thief-taker, nothing more. Are you eyeballing me, Vimes?”

”I was trying not to turn a blind eye, sir.”

”You seem to feel, Vimes, that the law is some kind of big glowing light in the sky which is not subject to control. And you are wrong. The law is what we tell it to be. I'm not going to add 'Do you understand?' because I know know you understand and I am not going to try to reason with you. I know a rank bad hat when I see one.” you understand and I am not going to try to reason with you. I know a rank bad hat when I see one.”

”Bad hat?” said Vimes weakly.

”Commander Vimes,” he said, ”I had hoped to avoid this, but the last few days point to a succession of astonis.h.i.+ng judgemental errors on your part. The Prince Khufurah was shot, and you seemed helpless to prevent this or find the criminal responsible. Mobs appear to run around the city unimpeded, I gather that one of your sergeants proposed to shoot innocent people in the head, and we have just heard that you took it upon yourself to arrest an innocent businessman and lock him in the cells for no reason at all.”

Vimes heard Colon gasp. But it sounded a long way off. He could feel everything crumbling under him, but his mind seemed to be flying now, flapping through a pink sky where nothing mattered very much.

”Oh, I don't know about that, sir,” he said. ”He was guilty of repeatedly being Klatchian, wasn't he? Don't you want me to do that to all of 'em?”

”And if this was not enough,” Rust went on, ”we are told, and in other circ.u.mstances I would find this very very hard to believe, even of a counter-jumper like you, that earlier tonight you, being quite unprovoked, a.s.saulted two Klatchian guards, trespa.s.sed on Klatchian soil, entered the women's quarters, abducted two Klatchians from their beds, ordered the destruction of Klatchian property and...well, frankly, acted quite disgracefully.” hard to believe, even of a counter-jumper like you, that earlier tonight you, being quite unprovoked, a.s.saulted two Klatchian guards, trespa.s.sed on Klatchian soil, entered the women's quarters, abducted two Klatchians from their beds, ordered the destruction of Klatchian property and...well, frankly, acted quite disgracefully.”

What is the point of arguing? Vimes thought. Why play cards with a shaved deck? And yet- ”Two Klatchians, sir?”

”It seems Prince Khufurah has been kidnapped, Vimes. I find it hard to believe that even you you would attempt that, but the Klatchians seem to be suggesting this. You were seen entering their property illegally. And you appear to have dragged a helpless lady from her bed. What have you got to say about that?” would attempt that, but the Klatchians seem to be suggesting this. You were seen entering their property illegally. And you appear to have dragged a helpless lady from her bed. What have you got to say about that?”

”It was on fire at the time, sir.”

Lieutenant Hornett stepped forward and whispered something. Lord Rust subsided a bit.

”All right. Very well. There were perhaps mitigating circ.u.mstances, but politically it was a most ill-advised action, Vimes. I cannot pretend to know what has happened to the Prince, but frankly you seem to have taken a positive delight in making matters worse.”

Can you climb, Mr. Vimes? Vimes said nothing. The other man had been carrying something bulky over his shoulder...

”You are removed from authority, commander. And the Watch will come under the direct command of this council. Is that understood?”

Rust turned to Carrot. ”Captain Carrot, many of us here have heard...good reports about you, and by due authority I hereby appoint you acting Commander of the Watch-”

Vimes shut his eyes.

Carrot saluted smartly. ”No! Sir!”

Vimes opened his eyes wide.

”Really?” Rust stared at Carrot for a few moments, and then gave a little shrug.

”Ah, well...loyalty is a fine thing. Sergeant Colon?”

”Sir!”

”In the circ.u.mstances, and since you are the most experienced noncommissioned officer and have an exemp-and have a military record, you will take command of the Watch for the duration of the...emergency.”

”Nossir!”

”That was an instruction, sergeant.”

Beads of sweat began to form on Colon's brow. ”Nossir!”

”Sergeant!”

”You can put it where the sun does not s.h.i.+ne, sir!” said Colon desperately.

Once again, Vimes saw Rust's milky-blue stare. Rust never looked surprised. And since he knew that a mere sergeant would never dare offer cheeky defiance, he erased Sergeant Colon from the immediate universe.

The gaze turned briefly to Detritus.

And he doesn't know how to speak to a troll, Vimes thought. And he was once again impressed, in the same dark way, by the manner in which Rust dealt with the problem. He dealt with it by making it not be there.

”Who is the senior corporal in the Watch, Sir Samuel?”