Book 4 - Page 68 (1/2)

I smiled into the darkness, realizing what a leap this was for him.

“I was thinking about how confusing this must be for you. And how I’ve probably got you turned upside down with mixed messages about our physical relations.h.i.+p.” He paused and took my hand in his, brus.h.i.+ng a fingertip over my palm to stop at my wrist.

“I told you I wanted to take things slowly, and then . . .” He turned, pulling his knee up onto the mattress to fully face me. “And then I reacted how I did, put the lipstick on you . . .”

“I didn’t mind that,” I admitted. “I know we can’t always script these things. Sometimes you might do something in the heat of the moment and then find yourself questioning it later. As long as we’re honest with each other, I don’t think there’s any right or wrong way for this to go.”

He considered me for a moment before offering a simple, “Thank you.”

“And you’re not the only one who has a tendency to overthink things,” I told him. “I might just be better at blurting things out or running ahead.”

“That actually makes me feel better.”

There was a beat of silence. “As long as we’re being honest, can I ask you a question?”

He squeezed my hand. “Of course, darling.”

“Does part of you wanting to go slow have to do with what I told you last night?”

He was silent for another moment and I felt him s.h.i.+ft on the mattress.

“After what he did to you,” he said, “I feel like I should be—”

“I need you to stop right there,” I said. I was right. It wasn’t just about his hesitation to dive in; he didn’t want to rush me, either. “I told you what happened with Paul because I trust you, and because you asked. I want you to have an idea of the pieces that make me who I am, just like I want to know about you. What happened to me will never go away, because it’s a part of my past, but I don’t want you to handle me differently because of it. I’m not delicate and I don’t need you to be careful with me. Not like that. You need to trust me to tell you where my limits are, just like I need you to tell me yours.”

He leaned forward, rubbing his hands over his face. “That’s just it, though. I feel so out of my depth,” he said. “That we can so readily communicate these things is still a bit of a revelation. My marriage was a lonely place, for both of us, I’m sure,” he added quickly. “And I’m terrified that that wasn’t just a Niall and Portia thing, that it’s me. I know I don’t say enough and what if y—someone, tires of having to pull every little thing from me?”