Part 13 (1/2)

”If you're a burglar, please don't murder me.”

The door opened.

A man stood there without saying anything, and it was obvious he wasn't a burglar. He was incredibly old and had a face like the opposite of Mom's, because it seemed like it was frowning even when it wasn't frowning. He was wearing a white short-sleeve s.h.i.+rt, so you could see his elbows were hairy, and he had a gap between his two front teeth, like Dad had.

”Are you the renter?”

He concentrated for a second, and then he closed the door.

”h.e.l.lo?”

I heard him moving stuff around in the room, and then he came back and opened the door again. He was holding a little book. He opened it to the first page, which was blank. ”I don't speak,” he wrote, ”I'm sorry.”

”Who are you?” He went to the next page and wrote, ”My name is Thomas.” ”That was my dad's name. It's pretty common. He died.” On the next page he wrote, ”I'm sorry.” I told him, ”You didn't kill my dad.” On the next page there was a picture of a doork.n.o.b, for some reason, so he went to the page after that and wrote, ”I'm still sorry.” I told him, ”Thanks.” He flipped back a couple of pages and pointed at ”I'm sorry.”

We stood there. He was in the room. I was in the hall. The door was open, but it felt like there was an invisible door between us, because I didn't know what to say to him, and he didn't know what to write to me. I told him, ”I'm Oskar,” and I gave him my card. ”Do you know where my grandma is?” He wrote, ”She went out.” ”Where?” He shrugged his shoulders, just like Dad used to. ”Do you know when she'll be back?” He shrugged his shoulders. ”I need her.”

He was on one kind of carpet, I was on another. The line where they came together reminded me of a place that wasn't in any borough.

”If you want to come in,” he wrote, ”we could wait for her together.” I asked him if he was a stranger. He asked me what I meant. I told him, ”I wouldn't go in with a stranger.” He didn't write anything, like he didn't know if he was a stranger or not. ”Are you older than seventy?” He showed me his left hand, which had YES tattooed on it. ”Do you have a criminal record?” He showed me his right hand, which had NO. ”What other languages do you speak?” He wrote, ”German. Greek. Latin.” ”Parlez-vous frans?” He opened and closed his left hand, which I think meant un peu. un peu.

I went in.

There was writing on the walls, writing everywhere, like, ”I wanted so much to have a life,” and ”Even just once, even for a second.” I hoped, for his sake, that Grandma never saw it. He put down the book and picked up another one, for some reason.

”For how long have you been living here?” I asked. He wrote, ”How long did your grandmother tell you I've been living here?” ”Well,” I said, ”since Dad died, I guess, so about two years.” He opened his left hand. ”Where were you before that?” ”Where did your grandmother tell you I was before that?” ”She didn't.” ”I wasn't here.” I thought that was a weird answer, but I was getting used to weird answers.

He wrote, ”Do you want something to eat?” I told him no. I didn't like how much he was looking at me, because it made me feel incredibly self-conscious, but there was nothing I could say. ”Do you want something to drink?”

”What's your story?” I asked. ”What's my story?” ”Yeah, what's your story?” He wrote, ”I don't know what my story is.” ”How can you not know what your story is?” He shrugged his shoulders, just like Dad used to. ”Where were you born?” He shrugged his shoulders. ”How can you not know where you were born!” He shrugged his shoulders. ”Where did you grow up?” He shrugged his shoulders. ”OK. Do you have any brothers or sisters?” He shrugged his shoulders. ”What's your job? And if you're retired, what was was your job?” He shrugged his shoulders. I tried to think of something I could ask him that he couldn't not know the answer to. ”Are you a human being?” He flipped back and pointed at ”I'm sorry.” your job?” He shrugged his shoulders. I tried to think of something I could ask him that he couldn't not know the answer to. ”Are you a human being?” He flipped back and pointed at ”I'm sorry.”

I'd never needed Grandma more than I needed her right then.

I asked the renter, ”Can I tell you my story?”

He opened his left hand.

So I put my story into it.

I pretended he was Grandma, and I started at the very beginning.

I told him about the tuxedo on the chair, and how I had broken the vase, and found the key, and the locksmith, and the envelope, and the art supply store. I told him about the voice of Aaron Black, and how I was so incredibly close to kissing Abby Black. She didn't say she didn't want to, just that it wasn't a good idea. I told him about Abe Black in Coney Island, and Ada Black with the two Pica.s.so paintings, and the birds that flew by Mr. Black's window. Their wings were the first thing he'd heard in more than twenty years. Then there was Bernie Black, who had a view of Gramercy Park, but not a key to it, which he said was worse than looking at a brick wall. Chelsea Black had a tan line around her ring finger, because she got divorced right after she got back from her honeymoon, and Don Black was also an animal-rights activist, and Eugene Black also had a coin collection. Fo Black lived on Ca.n.a.l Street, which used to be a real ca.n.a.l. He didn't speak very good English, because he hadn't left Chinatown since he came from Taiwan, because there was no reason for him to. The whole time I talked to him I imagined water on the other side of the window, like we were in an aquarium. He offered me a cup of tea, but I didn't feel like it, but I drank it anyway, to be polite. I asked him did he really love New York or was he just wearing the s.h.i.+rt. He smiled, like he was nervous. I could tell he didn't understand, which made me feel guilty for speaking English, for some reason. I pointed at his s.h.i.+rt. ”Do? You? Really? Love? New York?” He said, ”New York?” I said, ”Your. s.h.i.+rt.” He looked at his s.h.i.+rt. I pointed at the N and said ”New,” and the Y and said ”York.” He looked confused, or embarra.s.sed, or surprised, or maybe even mad. I couldn't tell what he was feeling, because I couldn't speak the language of his feelings. ”I not know was New York. In Chinese, ny ny mean 'you.' Thought was 'I love you.'” It was then that I noticed the ”I mean 'you.' Thought was 'I love you.'” It was then that I noticed the ”I[image]NY” poster on the wall, and the ”I[image]NY” flag over the door, and the ”I[image]NY” dishtowels, and the ”I[image]NY” lunchbox on the kitchen table. I asked him, ”Well, then why do you love everybody so much?”

Georgia Black, in Staten Island, had turned her living room into a museum of her husband's life. She had pictures of him from when he was a kid, and his first pair of shoes, and his old report cards, which weren't as good as mine, but anyway. ”Y'all're the first visitors in more than a year,” she said, and she showed us a neat gold medal in a velvet box. ”He was a naval officer, and I loved being a naval wife. Every few years we'd have to travel to some exotic place. I never did get a chance to put down many roots, but it was thrilling. We spent two years in the Philippines.” ”Cool,” I said, and Mr. Black started singing a song in some weird language, which I guess was Philippinish. She showed us her wedding alb.u.m, one picture at a time, and said, ”Wasn't I slim and beautiful?” I told her, ”You were.” Mr. Black said, ”And you are.” She said, ”Aren't you two the sweetest?” I said, ”Yeah.”

”This is the three-wood that he hit his hole in one with. He was real proud of that. For weeks it was all I'd hear about. That's the airplane ticket from our trip to Maui, Hawaii. I'm not too vain to tell you it was our thirtieth anniversary. Thirty years. We were going to renew our vows. Just like in a romance novel. His carry-on bag was filled with flowers, bless his heart. He wanted to surprise me with them on the plane, but I was looking at the x-ray screen as his bag went through, and don't you know there was a dark black bouquet. It was like the shadows of flowers. What a lucky girl I am.” She used a cloth to wipe away our fingerprints.

It had taken us four hours to get to her house. Two of those were because Mr. Black had to convince me to get on the Staten Island Ferry. In addition to the fact that it was an obvious potential target, there had also been a ferry accident pretty recently, and in Stuff That Happened to Me Stuff That Happened to Me I had pictures of people who had lost their arms and legs. Also, I don't like bodies of water. Or boats, particularly. Mr. Black asked me how I would feel in bed that night if I didn't get on the ferry. I told him, ”Heavy boots, probably.” ”And how will you feel if you did?” ”Like one hundred dollars.” ”So?” ”So what about while I'm I had pictures of people who had lost their arms and legs. Also, I don't like bodies of water. Or boats, particularly. Mr. Black asked me how I would feel in bed that night if I didn't get on the ferry. I told him, ”Heavy boots, probably.” ”And how will you feel if you did?” ”Like one hundred dollars.” ”So?” ”So what about while I'm on on the ferry? What if it sinks? What if someone pushes me off? What if it's. .h.i.t with a shoulder-fired missile? There won't be a tonight tonight.” He said, ”In which case you won't feel anything anyway.” I thought about that. the ferry? What if it sinks? What if someone pushes me off? What if it's. .h.i.t with a shoulder-fired missile? There won't be a tonight tonight.” He said, ”In which case you won't feel anything anyway.” I thought about that.

”This is an evaluation from his commanding officer,” Georgia said, tapping the case. ”It's exemplary. This is the tie he wore to his mother's funeral, may she rest in peace. She was such a nice woman. Nicer than most. And this here is a picture of his childhood home. That was before I knew him, of course.” She tapped every case and then wiped away her own fingerprints, kind of like a Mbius strip. ”These are his varsity let- ters. This is his cigarette case from when he used to smoke. Here's his Purple Heart.”

I started to get heavy boots, for obvious reasons, like where were all of her her things? Where were things? Where were her her shoes and shoes and her her diploma? Where were the shadows of diploma? Where were the shadows of her her flowers? I made a decision that I wouldn't ask about the key, because I wanted her to believe that we had come to see her museum, and I think Mr. Black had the same idea. I decided to myself that if we went through the whole list and still hadn't found anything, then maybe, if we had no choice, we could come back and ask her some questions. ”These are his baby shoes.” flowers? I made a decision that I wouldn't ask about the key, because I wanted her to believe that we had come to see her museum, and I think Mr. Black had the same idea. I decided to myself that if we went through the whole list and still hadn't found anything, then maybe, if we had no choice, we could come back and ask her some questions. ”These are his baby shoes.”

But then I started to wonder: she said we were the first visitors in a little more than a year. Dad had died a little more than a year ago. Was he he the visitor before us? the visitor before us?

”h.e.l.lo, everyone,” a man said from the door. He was holding two mugs, which steam was coming out of, and his hair was wet. ”Oh, you're awake!” Georgia said, taking the mug that said ”Georgia” on it. She gave him a big kiss, and I was like, What in the what the? What in the what the? ”Here he is,” she said. ”Here who is?” Mr. Black asked. ”My husband,” she said, almost like he was another exhibit in his life. The four of us stood there smiling at one another, and then the man said, ”Well, I suppose you'd like to see my museum now.” I told him, ”We just did. It was really great.” He said, ”No, Oskar, that's ”Here he is,” she said. ”Here who is?” Mr. Black asked. ”My husband,” she said, almost like he was another exhibit in his life. The four of us stood there smiling at one another, and then the man said, ”Well, I suppose you'd like to see my museum now.” I told him, ”We just did. It was really great.” He said, ”No, Oskar, that's her her museum. Mine's in the other room.” museum. Mine's in the other room.”

Thank you for your letter. Because of the large volume of mail I receive, I am unable to write personal responses. Nevertheless, know that I read and save every letter, with the hope of one day being able to give each the proper response it deserves. Until that day, Most sincerely, Stephen Hawking The week pa.s.sed quickly. Iris Black. Jeremy Black. Kyle Black. Lori Black ... Mark Black was crying when he opened the door and saw us, because he had been waiting for someone to come back to him, so every time someone knocked on the door, he couldn't stop himself from hoping it might be that person, even though he knew he shouldn't hope.

Nancy Black's roommate told us Nancy was at work at the coffee store on Nineteenth Street, so we went there, and I explained to her that coffee actually has more caffeine than espresso, even though a lot of people don't think so, because the water is in contact with the grounds for a much longer time with coffee. She told me she didn't know that. ”If he says it, it's true,” Mr. Black said, patting my head. I told her, ”Also, did you know that if you yell for nine years, you'll produce enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee?” She said, ”I didn't.” I said, ”Which is why they should put a coffee store coffee store next to the next to the Cyclone Cyclone at Coney at Coney Island! Island! Get it?” That made me crack up, but only me. She asked if we were going to order anything. I told her, ”Iced coffee, please.” She asked, ”What size?” I said, ”Vente, and could you please use coffee ice cubes so it doesn't get all watery when the ice cubes melt?” She told me they didn't have coffee ice cubes. I said, ” Get it?” That made me crack up, but only me. She asked if we were going to order anything. I told her, ”Iced coffee, please.” She asked, ”What size?” I said, ”Vente, and could you please use coffee ice cubes so it doesn't get all watery when the ice cubes melt?” She told me they didn't have coffee ice cubes. I said, ”Exactly.” Mr. Black said, ”I'm going to get right to the point,” and then he did. I went to the bathroom and gave myself a bruise.

Ray Black was in prison, so we weren't able to talk to him. I did some research on the Internet and found out that he was in prison because he murdered two kids after he raped them. There were also pictures of the dead kids, and even though I knew it would only hurt me to look at them, I did. I printed them out and put them in Stuff That Happened to Me, Stuff That Happened to Me, right after the picture of Jean-Pierre Haignerthe French astronaut who had to be carried from his s.p.a.cecraft after returning from the Mir s.p.a.ce station, because gravity isn't only what makes us fall, it's what makes our muscles strong. I wrote a letter to Ray Black in prison, but I never got a response. Inside, I hoped he didn't have anything to do with the key, although I couldn't help inventing that it was for his jail cell. right after the picture of Jean-Pierre Haignerthe French astronaut who had to be carried from his s.p.a.cecraft after returning from the Mir s.p.a.ce station, because gravity isn't only what makes us fall, it's what makes our muscles strong. I wrote a letter to Ray Black in prison, but I never got a response. Inside, I hoped he didn't have anything to do with the key, although I couldn't help inventing that it was for his jail cell.

The address for Ruth Black was on the eighty-sixth floor of the Empire State Building, which I thought was incredibly weird, and so did Mr. Black, because neither of us knew that people actually lived there. I told Mr. Black that I was panicky, and he said it was OK to be panicky. I told him I felt like I couldn't do it, and he said it was OK to feel like I couldn't do it. I told him it was the thing that I was most afraid of. He said he could understand why. I wanted him to disagree with me, but he wouldn't, so I had no way to argue. I told him I would wait for him in the lobby, and he said, ”Fine.” ”OK, OK,” I said, ”I'll go.”

As the elevator takes you up, you hear information about the building, which was pretty fascinating, and I normally would have taken some notes, but I needed all of my concentration for being brave. I squeezed Mr. Black's hand, and I couldn't stop inventing: the elevator cables snapping, the elevator falling, a trampoline at the bottom, us shooting back up, the roof opening like a cereal box, us flying toward parts of the universe that not even Stephen Hawking was sure about...

When the elevator door opened, we got out on the observation deck. We didn't know who to look for, so we just looked around for a while. Even though I knew the view was incredibly beautiful, my brain started misbehaving, and the whole time I was imagining a plane coming at the building, just below us. I didn't want to, but I couldn't stop. I imagined the last second, when I would see the pilot's face, who would be a terrorist. I imagined us looking each other in the eyes when the nose of the plane was one millimeter from the building.

I hate you, my eyes would tell him.

I hate you, his eyes would tell me.

Then there would be an enormous explosion, and the building would sway, almost like it was going to fall over, which I know is what it felt like from descriptions I've read on the Internet, although I wish I hadn't read them. Then there would be smoke coming up at me and people screaming all around me. I read one description of someone who made it down eighty-five flights of stairs, which must have been about two thousand stairs, and he said that people were screaming ”Help!” and ”I don't want to die!” and one man who owned a company was screaming ”Mommy!”

It would be getting so hot that my skin would start to get blisters. It would feel so good to get away from the heat, but on the other hand, when I hit the sidewalk I would die, obviously. Which would I choose? Would I jump or would I burn? I guess I would jump, because then I wouldn't have to feel pain. On the other hand, maybe I would burn, because then I'd at least have a chance to somehow escape, and even if I couldn't, feeling pain is still better than not feeling, isn't it?

I remembered my cell phone.

I still had a few seconds.

Who should I call?

What should I say?

I thought about all of the things that everyone ever says to each other, and how everyone is going to die, whether it's in a millisecond, or days, or months, or 76.5 years, if you were just born. Everything that's born has to die, which means our lives are like skysc.r.a.pers. The smoke rises at different speeds, but they're all on fire, and we're all trapped.

You can see the most beautiful things from the observation deck of the Empire State Building. I read somewhere that people on the street are supposed to look like ants, but that's not true. They look like little people. And the cars look like little cars. And even the buildings look little. It's like New York is a miniature replica of New York, which is nice, because you can see what it's really like, instead of how it feels when you're in the middle of it. It's extremely lonely up there, and you feel far away from everything. Also it's scary, because there are so many ways to die. But it feels safe, too, because you're surrounded by so many people. I kept one hand touching the wall as I walked carefully around to each of the views. I saw all of the locks I'd tried to open, and the 161,999,831 that I hadn't yet.

I got down on my knees and crawled to one of the binocular machines. I held it tightly as I pulled myself up, and I took a quarter from the change dispenser on my belt. When the metal lids opened, I could see things that were far away incredibly close, like the Woolworth Building, and Union Square, and the gigantic hole where the World Trade Center was. I looked into the window of an office building that I guessed was about ten blocks away. It took me a few seconds to figure out the focus, but then I could see a man sitting at his desk, writing something. What was he writing? He didn't look at all like Dad, but he reminded me of Dad. I pressed my face closer, and my nose got smooshed against the cold metal. He was left-handed like Dad. Did he have a gap between his front teeth like Dad? I wanted to know what he was thinking. Who did he miss? What was he sorry for? My lips touched the metal, like a kiss.

I found Mr. Black, who was looking at Central Park. I told him I was ready to go down. ”But what about Ruth?” ”We can come back another day.” ”But we're already here.” ”I don't feel like it.” ”It'll just take a few ”I want to go home.” He could probably tell that I was about to cry. ”OK,” he said, ”let's go home.”

We got at the end of the line for the elevator.

I looked at everyone and wondered where they came from, and who they missed, and what they were sorry for.