Part 10 (2/2)
”She was on a s.e.xcapade with Mariusz Kowalski.” Kamila grins.
”Kowalski! Holy c.r.a.p. You f.u.c.ked Kowalski? He's like a f.u.c.king midget, but his ...” Justyna glances at Anna. ”I heard his c.o.c.k is colossal. His girlfriend used to brag about it all the time. She's married to a mafia guy now, from Czarnow.”
That summer was long ago but it's a thorn in Justyna's side. She's not afraid of looking like a chump, or even a backstabber, but she is afraid of looking like a coward. Because the only excuse she has for not intervening then was that she had always been inexplicably terrified of Lolek Siwa.
”I should go home, you guys. This doesn't feel right,” Anna says, kicking some pebbles out of the way.
”It doesn't feel right? What doesn't feel right?”
Anna squats down, hides her face in her hands.
”Your mother. Your mother is dying and you want to get wasted and talk about c.o.c.ks? Don't you want to spend every last minute with her?”
”No! No, I don't! She's already gone! And I'll drink and cuss and discuss d.i.c.ks if the opportunity arises because I'm nineteen f.u.c.king years old and sometimes I need a break. What do you need a break from, Anka? Homework?”
”You're in denial.”
Justyna paces around Anna and Kamila, arms swinging at her sides. ”You know what the most irritating thing about you always was, Anna?”
”Please, you guys-”
”You know what it was? The fact that you pitied us, but flaunted everything in our faces. The fact that deep in your little heart you thought we all wanted to trade lives with you.”
”That's not true. What did I ever flaunt?”
”Your clothes, your dollar bills, your f.u.c.king aspirations.”
”You raided my closet every summer, Justyna Strawicz!”
”Whatever. What gives you the right to get all weepy on my behalf? I haven't heard from you in years, Baran, and you show up on my doorstep with advice? Grow up! People are born, people get sick, and people die.”
For a moment, no one says a word.
”I f.u.c.ked Emil last night.”
”I'm sorry, Justyna, I'm not perfect,” Anna whispers.
”That's the point, Anna. Whoever said you were? Marchewska-you what? You 'fttt' what?”
”I f.u.c.ked Emil. I f.u.c.kED Emil!” Kamila holds out her hands toward Justyna and Anna. ”Now, come on, pipki.”
When Justyna sneaks back into the house to grab a liter of Siwusia, it's dark and quiet. She grabs the liquor and a blanket from the armchair.
They walk up toward the open field past Witosa Road, where they used to sit around bonfires, feasting on sizzling kiebasa. The stars hang low, and the bottle of vodka gets pa.s.sed around generously.
”My head is spinning. The stars look like dis...o...b..a.l.l.s, I swear to G.o.d,” Kamila murmurs, closing and opening her eyes. ”I wish we had Anna's old boom box. When's the last time you made a mix tape?”
”G.o.d, I still have all of them at home.”
”I wanna hear all the juicy morsels about last night, Marchewska. I can't believe it, you little s.l.u.t. Does your c.i.p.a hurt? Did you shave like I told you to?” Justyna slurs.
”Yes, it hurts, but only from shock. He only managed a few, you know, thrusts. And no, I didn't shave. It was so bad.”
”You should have shaved! Did he c.u.m?”
”No.”
”Great. At least you won't spend the next month panicking about your period.”
Kamila laughs. ”I guess there's a bright side to everything.”
”The first time always blows. I was thirteen, with my cousin Arek, in the bathroom at Relaks. I told you guys it happened when I was sixteen and I f.u.c.king lied.” Justyna laughs. ”It was so gross, ugh, I can still smell the wet toilet paper on the floor. We did it standing up and halfway, some old guy came in to take a p.i.s.s. But then every time after, and with each new guy, it got better and better. You'll see.”
”Yeah, Anna said the same thing.”
”What, you f.u.c.ked my cousin too?” Justyna laughs. She laughs because here's her chance, here's her chance to come clean, to say I know, I know what happened. But she just laughs and the sound of it echoes through the hills like bells.
”No! My first time was with this Spanish guy in high school. It didn't hurt that bad, but it didn't change my life, that's for sure. He had terrible acne.” Justyna stares at Anna, impressed by how smoothly the lie comes.
”I wish we could sleep out here. Hey, you guys”-Kamila raises her head and leans back on her elbows-”we're like the three musketeers, together again.”
”Like the Summer Triangle,” Anna replies, pointing to the sky.
”The what?”
”It's a constellation made up of the brightest three stars in the universe, but it's only visible in July and August.”
”You're a f.u.c.king riot, Baran.” Justyna cackles. ”I bet you just made that s.h.i.+t up. Marzycielka.” Anna looks down, and for a second Justyna feels bad. She likes the fact that Anna has always been a dreamer, but being a dreamer was a luxury in life, and tonight the last thing Justyna wanted to do was discuss the f.u.c.king stars.
”All right, girls. One swig left. Let's make a toast. To the G.o.dd.a.m.n Summer Triangle, and to next summer.”
Justyna takes the vodka bottle last. Before she brings it to her mouth, she looks up for a moment, searching for something bright to call her own.
The girls make plans for lunch on Thursday in town. Justyna watches her friends link arms and make their way toward the taxi stand farther down the road.
When she walks in the house, the kitchen light is on. Pawe and Elwira sit at the table, staring down into coffee cups. A bottle of formula stands on the counter. When they both look up at her, Justyna knows.
Anna.
New York, New York.
Anna blows on her frozen hands; it's cold and getting colder. Her fingers comb through the branches of the Christmas trees, feeling for the right one. And then she sees it. Taller than the rest, perfectly proportioned, deeply green, and regal. The bright yellow tape stuck to one of its impressive branches reads $140. She motions to the potbellied proprietor, and he ambles over.
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