Part 35 (1/2)

”Oh, Mama, when can we go see our new nephew?” Penny said.

”Very soon, I hope,” the d.u.c.h.ess said. ”I will have to consult with Wycoff, but this news will surely be all that he ever needed. A boy. I am so overjoyed.” She pressed the letter to her heart.

Angeline closed the novel and set it aside. She rose and leaned down to kiss her mother's cheek. ”Mama, I am so glad for all of our family. I am especially happy for you.” It was true, but it was also true that the news was a stark reminder that she might never be a bride or a mother.

”Thank you, dear,” the d.u.c.h.ess said.

”I wish to compose a letter to my brother straightaway,” Angeline said. ”Mama, Margaret, will you excuse me?”

”Of course, dear,” the d.u.c.h.ess said. ”I'm sure you're bubbling over and wish to express it to your brother.”

”We will continue the novel tomorrow,” Angeline said. When she quit the drawing room, she squared her shoulders and walked up the stairs. Under no circ.u.mstances would she allow herself a drop of pity. She would not do anything to spoil this wonderful day for her family.

She bit her lip, walked quietly into the bedchamber, and sat at the corner desk. She removed a sheet of paper and found the ink and the quill. When she attempted to dip the quill in the ink, her hand shook. She set it in the holder and told herself that she only needed a few moments to gain her composure.

She drew in air and released it. She did it again. Once more, she retrieved the quill, but her fingers still trembled. She set it aside, stood, and crossed to the bed. She sat on the edge of the mattress, and the bed ropes squeaked, reminding her of that horrible night she'd caught Brentmoor betraying her. Her hand shook as she covered her mouth. Then she pulled out the drawer and rummaged for a handkerchief. She blotted her eyes, blew her nose, and took another deep breath. Then she walked to the washstand, poured cold water into the bowl, and bathed her hot face.

It was foolish to feel sorry for herself, but she feared that she would never have a husband and family because of what had happened with Brentmoor. With a shaky sigh, she supposed she wasn't the only woman in the world to indulge in a little self-pity. Of course she did not begrudge her brother and his wife. She was happy for them, and she was elated that the news had made her mother so happy. It was just that some days like today were made up of happiness for some and gray clouds for others. Sometimes it just seemed like a thunderstorm, and too overwhelming.

She had released the pent-up sorrow and felt a little abashed at her emotional reaction. But now she was done with it.

Angeline returned to the desk and managed to write a short letter expressing her heartfelt joy to her brother and his wife for the safe delivery of their son. She wrote that she was thrilled to be an aunt and could not wait until she could visit and hold little John. She wrote a few lines about the house party and the weather. Then she promised to write again soon.

She felt a little embarra.s.sed that she'd shed tears when she was happy for her brother, his wife, and all of her family.

One hour later Angeline sat in the chair applying her fan and looking out the window. A knock sounded at the door. Angeline thought it might be Penny, but when she answered, she found Margaret there.

”May I come in?” Margaret said.

”Yes, of course,” Angeline said. She was glad that she'd bathed her face earlier, so no one would see the telling sign of a red nose.

”Let us sit on the bed like young girls and talk,” Margaret said.

They both kicked off their slippers and crossed their legs on the mattress. Margaret eyed the handkerchief.

She'd failed to cover up well enough. ”I expect you know that I became a bit of a watering pot after hearing my brother's news.”

”I antic.i.p.ated this would be difficult for you,” Margaret said. Her gaze flew to the desk. ”Yet, you wrote the letter.”

”After I shed a few tears,” she said.

Margaret took her hands. ”I knew you would manage to write that letter.”

”I actually felt better afterward.”

”When you allow yourself to be happy for someone else's good fortune, it will someday be returned to you. Maybe not the way you imagined, but it will come.”

”I have been angry for so long,” she said.

”You are stronger than you know, but I also suspect that you put up a wall to protect yourself. It would be a natural reaction after what you have been through.”

She had not thought of it that way. Had she tried to push Colin away? ”You are very wise,” Angeline said.

”It is only life experience,” Margaret said. ”When I first married Chadwick, I was terrified. You are aware that it was a marriage of convenience. I was scared and furious with my father. I did not want to wed an aristocrat, much less a man who was twelve years my senior. Frankly, I thought Chadwick only wanted my fortune. I expected misery. That first night of our married life, he told me that because of me his heart had come back to life. I didn't understand until he told me that his first wife had died. I fell in love on my wedding night.”

Angeline sighed. ”I told Colin that you brought happiness and light into Chadwick's life.”

Margaret smoothed the covers. ”My biggest regret is Colin. I had very little confidence in those days, and I was young. I was also afraid of making a mistake, so of course I made even more. I didn't know how to approach Colin. I feared that he would think I was trying to supplant his mother, and so I was too careful with him. He needed a mother's love, but it was awkward. I think he resented me.”

”You had just married into an instant family. It would be difficult for anyone. But he does wish to spend more time with his family. I think that will bring all of you closer.”

Margaret smiled. ”I feel certain that we have you to thank for it.”

”He would have come to that conclusion eventually,” Angeline said. ”It just takes men longer.”

Margaret sighed. ”Angeline, you have sustained an emotional wound. It is natural to want to protect your heart in such circ.u.mstances. If you keep the gates closed, you will manage to avoid pain and sorrow, but you will miss the best of what life has to offer. Love is what brings us joy. There is no other experience on this earth to equal it. If you love Colin, let him into your heart.” She rose. ”It would give me great happiness to call you my daughter-in-law one day.”

”I fear we will have to settle for friends.”

Margaret smiled. ”I'll tell you a secret.”

”I'm all ears.”

”I have a wager with Chadwick.”

”Do you? How intriguing,” Angeline said.

”You would not believe the fun you can have as a married woman. I very much want to win this wager, as I have my heart set on a ruby necklace.” Margaret wiggled her brows.

Angeline smiled. ”What is the wager?”

”I'll give you a hint. It has to do with love and family, and I might add I'm counting on you, Angeline.”

”You leave me in the dark,” she said.

”I think you will find the light.”

After Margaret left, Angeline sighed. Tonight she was meeting Colin in the library. She could have suggested an outdoor walk this afternoon, but those always ended up being a group affair, and there was no question that they needed to resolve matters. It seemed rather furtive, but given the lack of privacy, they had little choice. Even an early morning walk might draw others.

She was, however, feeling more than a little isolated and decided to go to the kitchen and try to train Hercules again. Angeline meant to invite the twins to join her, but she heard the sounds of the pianoforte and didn't want to distract them from practicing. She figured the pug would enjoy some attention. They had not spent much time with Hercules this morning because of her confrontation with Colin.

When she reached the kitchen, the pug looked rather forlorn in his basket. Agnes brought some bits of meat on a paper, and Hercules wiggled his funny tail.

Angeline sat on the floor with him. At first she had to push his rump to the floor with each command, but when she added the treat, he started responding to the verbal commands. She would not be at Deerfield much longer, but she would show the twins how to teach him to stop and lie down. She ruffled his short fur. ”You're a clever dog, Hercules.”

She stood and shook out her skirts. Then she returned to the great hall at the same time the marquess walked out from his study. Her opportunity to make a difference in Colin's life stood before her.

The marquess frowned a bit. ”Lady Angeline, is something amiss?”