Part 30 (1/2)
”You know the rules as well as I do. Why are you being so difficult?”
”I need time to think,” she said. I'm scared that you will never love me.
”Let us be officially engaged,” he said. ”That way we will have freedom, and we can talk about our expectations.”
”Suppose we find we do not suit. I cannot break another engagement, Colin.” Panic set in.
She might be engaged to him in a week. Why did that frighten her? He wasn't Brentmoor. Yes, he had a rakish reputation, but he had never lied to her or tried to manipulate her. They had already agreed to a trial engagement. The only reason they had waited was to learn more about each other so that they could see if they would suit. She ought to be rejoicing, knowing that the marriage would resolve all of her problems and his as well.
”I know you, Angeline. You are worried. Tell me what troubles you.”
You don't love me. ”It is nothing, really.”
His eyes softened. ”Are you feeling guilty about what we did?”
”No.” I probably should, but I cannot when I love you.
”You will tell me one way or the other when you know if there are consequences,” he said.
She knew he was only being practical, but she yearned for a declaration of love that would not be forthcoming.
”You should not worry. I will not abandon you,” he said.
Of all the foolish things to say. ”Hah! I might abandon you.”
”Where are my smelling salts?” he said, his chest shaking with laughter.
”In all seriousness, we should not rush into an engagement just because we made love.”
”Angeline, we already discussed the possibility of marriage. We agreed to spend time together to discover if we are compatible. We are.”
”You mean in bed,” she said.
He kissed her cheek. ”You surpa.s.sed my greatest hopes.”
”You think I'm wanton.”
”No, I think we're both pa.s.sionate and compatible. Granted, we like to spar, but that is part of the pa.s.sion. You must admit we have worked well together at Sommerall.”
”Searching through trunks and making notes of the work that is needed is not the same thing as a marriage,” she said.
He folded his hands behind his head. ”Isn't marriage made up of everyday things? Breakfast, lovemaking, dinner, lovemaking, tea, lovemaking.”
”You are incorrigible.”
He turned on his side and propped his head up. ”No, I'm delighted-with you. I think we'll rub along, pardon the pun, very well.”
He was still under the influence of pa.s.sion. ”I think we need to continue our original plan to learn more about each other. We only have two and one-half weeks left.”
He lifted her hand for a kiss. ”Perhaps we can find a reason to return to Sommerall.”
”I think we had better use caution. If we were caught, it could cause hard feelings,” she said. ”My father suffers enough guilt for what happened and so does my mother. You do not want to disappoint your father, either.”
”Trust me. He is disappointed in me and has been for some time.”
”I do not believe that he is disappointed in you. You find his ultimatums ridiculous. He can be difficult, but you manage to work around it.”
”I tire of it.” He rubbed his nose against hers. ”But not of you.”
He was flirtatious, but they needed to talk about the things that really mattered if they were to make the engagement official. ”We are facing the possibility of bringing a child into the world. Yet, we need to discuss if we want a large family or not.”
He shrugged. ”I never thought much about it. I figure babies will come along when they will.”
Yet, his mother had died in childbirth. Many women succ.u.mbed, particularly when there were multiple pregnancies. ”It can be prevented?” she said.
”Tonight, I proved it can be a tricky business to prevent. I am sorry. Usually I...never mind.”
”Finish what you meant to say.”
”You are more delectable than...I expected.”
That was not what he'd almost said. ”You are speaking very carefully,” she said. ”To preserve my feminine sensibilities, perhaps?”
”Neither of us can change the past,” he said. ”You are a lady and my secret fiancee. I rather like the idea; it sounds mysterious. If all goes well, you will be my wife, provided we are both in accord now or when the house party ends. Now, wasn't that easy?”
”I know you've had mistresses.”
”That is what bachelors do before they marry. This should be no surprise to you.”
She summoned up the courage to ask what she really wanted to know. ”Have you ever been in love?”
He remained silent for a long moment. ”I thought so once.”
”What happened?” she asked.
”Why do you want to know? It happened ten years ago.”
”Then why do you hesitate to tell me?”
”Because it ended very badly. Leave it be.”
”Did she break your heart?”
His eyes blazed. ”I was mad for her, but her husband took exception to the affair de coeur.”
Angeline inhaled sharply. ”Who was she?”
He shook his head. ”My father bought my way out of a duel. He has reasons for being disappointed in me.”
”She was older, wasn't she?”