Gods, Contracts and Frogs (1/2)

h.e.l.lo there!

Durrendal here, just wanted to say this is my first attempt in RR and would really appreciate it if readers leave a message or comment to provide some feedback. Kinda encouraging for a writer, isn't it?

Some Important Points To Help You Understand The Work Better

1. The story is almost entirely told in a First-Person POV.  What the Protagonist and the other characters say are in quotations.

2. What the Protag thinks is in Italics.

3. Yes, 4th wall is broken several times.  Yep. that's a defining point of this story. Readers can expect to be casually talked to by the Protag sometimes.

4. Yes, He does speak to himself sometimes referring to himself in 3rd person. There is a reason for it. Please wait for the exposition.

5. A large part of this work is about parodying the popular and cliched tropes and plot devices in contemporary j.a.panese Web/Light Novels, anime and manga.  It can be meta at times with references, but I will point out the references with footnotes. I can't put footlinks so please check them at the bottom. Sorry.

6. You don't expressly need Otaku knowledge to enjoy this story. It is made for non-otakus too.

7. Don't worry about the quotes and blurbs at the start of every chapter. It is there ina hope that it will set the tone and mood for the chapter, at the same time flesh out the Mythos and history of the World Setting of the Story.   The Quotes are fictional, don't trouble yourself googling.

Hmm, the grammar might be just a bit iffy in some parts as the story hasn't been proofread yet. However, Luciferia has very kindly agreed to edit/proofread the story. So, the chapters will slowly be proofread. As of now, The Prologue, Chapter 1, 11 and 12 are done. Will add to the list as more chapters are edited.

Without further ado, here is

Prologue: G.o.ds, Contracts and Frogs

I heard the sound of something snapping as the jaws of a monster clamped down on my arm, gnas.h.i.+ng flesh and bone alike. More than the excruciating pain, the smell was what got to me. I couldn’t decide whether to howl in pain or proceed to promptly faint from the stench of the rotting teeth. Even if I didn’t die from the enthusiastic chomping, I’d die of septicaemia from the looks of these teeth.

Oi monster, didn’t your mommy teach you to brush?

Even while I was dying for the second time, mind you, my thoughts were clear. Needlessly clear. I could even feel the blood trickling down my arm, loosing its warmth. The harder I flailed, the more blood I lost. d.a.m.n. I thought I could see the pearly gates already. Oh look, flying piglets beckoning me to the great beyond.

A shrill voice broke up my interior monologue. What does a guy have to do here to finish his last monologue!

A pretty red head girl cackled in some unknown language while bobbing up and down, a few inches from my face. She occasionally s.h.i.+vered.

Oh my, her cheeks are flushed too.

The monster seemed positively ecstatic with each time her lower mouth crunched down on my arm. No, not that lower mouth. Her pretty naked frame was attached to the head of the monster that munched down on my arm like cheetos.

Even the f.u.c.king demons in this f.u.c.king world are f.u.c.king annoying. Too many f.u.c.ks in that sentence? Wait till you hear my story and you’d agree with my vocab.

She drooped down  to lick the blood off my temple, which somehow had got torn up in the thras.h.i.+ng. Her form trembled, the little red tongue flickering.  I made my fingers into a V and drove them through her eyes. Then I proceeded to make whatever was inside that head into a nice b.l.o.o.d.y batter.

“Your grammar skills are bad, Ojou-chan”, I hope this counts as a cool last word.

The monster screamed, and spat me out of it’s mouth, while wailing in probably what was sailor-grade Demonese cusses. Red blood dripped down her busted eyeball, soaking up the lush gra.s.s underneath.

Yes, yes. I love you too, sweetheart. My half chewed up arm started to throb, pain lanced up my entire body. I spat out a mouthful of blood. With a wry smile I fainted from the immense pain

So, you ask exactly how I got to know this lovely lady? but before that you want to know what the actual f.u.c.k is going on?

Let’s rewind a bit. Since the birth of time...no not that far, to just a few hours ago. There I had been, happy that I had finally got to pa.s.s the exam. I planned to withdraw some cash to celebrate with my friends. I mean, I did deserve to party hard after all the studying, didn’t I? I had gone to the bank and the eternally grumpy looking cas.h.i.+er was looking through my checkbook, when she simply…froze.

Can’t I  not be criticized by at least you guys!? I know I don’t have decent savings! Dammit! I’m just 20!

“If you know what is good for you, put your hands up and slowly get out of the counter, otherwise we will make swiss cheese out of you”, came a gruff voice behind me.

I glanced back-- a man wearing a Tengu mask waved a gun at the cas.h.i.+er’s counter. Oh. So that’s what happening. A bank robbery. I calmly took my checkbook from the receptionist and tried to walk away.

“What are you doing, a.s.shole?” The robber guy shoved his gun at my face, demanding to know.

I, in turn shove my checkbook towards him.

“Look, see my bank account, it’s horrifying enough to give Stephen King some ideas. I don’t have anything to do here, isn’t it? Also, WHY A TENGU MASK?”

Apparently, the guy took offence. Maybe he didn’t like Stephen King. He shove me towards the hall where his accomplices were rounding up people as hostages.

“Shouganai*”, I sighed, prepared to spend some quality time with my hands over my head and threats thrown around. I crouched and sat beside a terrified mother and her child. I hope this gets over soon, I have dinner to make after this.

After some time had pa.s.sed, I could hear police sirens closing in. Finally, they decide to be here. The robbers froze for a second. The Tengu-Mask barked at his men. The robbers began to move impatiently. One of them hurried over to where I sat and grabbed the mother by her hair and dragged her towards the door. Are they trying to display her as a hostage to get away? Her child ran after them. Oh s.h.i.+t! I sensed the danger and tried to stop her but she ran fast on her little feet. The child grabbed on the leg of the robber dragging her mother and bit down on his leg.

“You son of a …” the robber shouted and hit the little child with the barrel, then pointed the muzzle at her.

Time stretched. I hadn’t even felt my muscles tense when I sprang up and clambered after the child so that she isn’t killed. What am I even doing? I barely shoved her away with a savage thrust when I heard a loud sound. The wide hall seemed to reverberate along with the split second flare of pain I felt in my chest. You know how people talk about how they saw a hole in their chest when they got shot or felt a paragraph worth of emotions when they do something instantaneous? They lie. What happens with a gunshot is, Bang! Sploot! You are dead!

There it is. The tale of the wonderful first time hero Rigel and how he died

The name is Rigel by the way, written with the kanji of…oh dammit. Too many years in j.a.pan have affected my mannerisms.

At any rate, I don’t know why the robber tried to shoot a little girl. Maybe the robber was new and got fidgety; maybe he was a new trainee. Who knows? Losing composure is unbecoming as a professional. Also, f.u.c.k you, c.u.n.theads. I hope the police drill you full of holes, a.s.sholes.

~~~~

I am alive?! a dull throb spread though my body, while my eyes felt like lead.

I woke up in a dimly lit room. Pitch black darkness extended infinitely except for a throne some distance away, facing me. The throne was curiously illuminated. The light is not...spreading to the surroundings?  The throne seemed to be made of solid gold and silver. Slowly, as my eyes adjusted, I could make out shapes of bones and skulls on that throne. Some parts of it shone like steel. But even more astonis.h.i.+ng--there was a person sitting on the throne.

At a glace, he was a remarkable person. Maybe 25-28 years old, with high cheekbones, an aquiline nose, and a head of rough shoulder length black hair. His skin glowed with faint luminescence. He flipped though a book on one hand and kept his chin on the other. His clothes were black and green, as if some snake had spit its venom on those clothes. He had a crown on his head, made of bones and--are those shadows coiling around it? what the... A chills ran down my spine. My hands shook a little.

Wait, why is he wearing a robe? Why does he have a pair of swords attached to his hips? What is with his horrible fas.h.i.+on?

“What are you supposed to be, O Lord of the faintly glowing cheeks and a tasteless throne?” I knew I was going to pay for this, but I couldn’t help quipping.