Book 5 - Page 125 (1/2)

“Regardless, it’s a decision she has a right to come to on her own.”

I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see it. “Her safety is nonnegotiable. She worries about everyone else. It’s my job to worry about her.”

“You could tell her your concerns,” Dr. Petersen said, his voice low and soothing. “Explain them to her.”

“She wouldn’t put her safety first. She’d want to be with Stanton.”

“Being with others who share her grief can—”

“He’s standing over her mother’s corpse on a city sidewalk right now!”

The words and the image they evoked were vile. My stomach churned, revolting against the liquor I’d poured into it. But I needed someone to grasp the full extent of the horror and understand why I’d made my decision. To give me some hope that Eva would understand.

“Don’t tell me what would be best for her right now,” I said coldly. “I won’t let her go there. She would be haunted for the rest of her life if she saw … that.”

He was quiet. Then, “The longer you wait, the more difficult this will be for both of you.”

“I’m going to tell her as soon as she wakes up. You’re going to come over here and help me do that.”

“Gideon—”

“I’ve talked to her father in California. He’ll be on his way soon. And Cary’s here.” I paced. “They’ve got some time to deal with it, so when Eva sees them, they’ll be able to give her the support she needs. You’ll be able to help her, too.”

“You’re not seeing that Eva’s biggest source of strength and comfort is you, Gideon. And by failing to disclose something of this magnitude and being dishonest about it initially, you’ve put her most depended-upon foundation on shaky ground.”

“You think I don’t know that?!” I stopped in my tracks, directly in front of the photo collage of my wife. “I’m … Jesus. I’m terrified she won’t forgive me.”

Dr. Petersen’s silence allowed those words to hang in the air, mocking my helplessness.

I looked away from the images of my wife. “But I would do it again. This situation, these stakes …”