Volume Ii Part 30 (1/2)

I am, SIR,

Your most humble Servant,

Abraham Spy.

Q.

[Footnote 1: Apostle spoons and others with fancy heads upon their handles.]

[Footnote 2: The ox-eyed, venerable Juno.]

[Footnote 3: aen. 12, v. 101.]

No. 251. Tuesday, December 18, 1711. Addison.

--Lingua centum sunt, oraque centum.

Ferrea Vox.

Virg.

There is nothing which more astonishes a Foreigner, and frights a Country Squire, than the _Cries of London_. My good Friend Sir ROGER often declares, that he cannot get them out of his Head or go to Sleep for them, the first Week that he is in Town. On the contrary, WILL.

HONEYCOMB calls them the _Ramage de la Ville_, and prefers them to the Sounds of Larks and Nightingales, with all the Musick of the Fields and Woods. I have lately received a Letter from some very odd Fellow upon this Subject, which I shall leave with my Reader, without saying any thing further of it.

SIR,

I am a Man of all Business, and would willingly turn my Head to any thing for an honest Livelihood. I have invented several Projects for raising many Millions of Money without burthening the Subject, but I cannot get the Parliament to listen to me, who look upon me, forsooth, as a Crack, and a Projector; so that despairing to enrich either my self or my Country by this Publick-spiritedness, I would make some Proposals to you relating to a Design which I have very much at Heart, and which may procure me [a [1]] handsome Subsistence, if you will be pleased to recommend it to the Cities of _London_ and _Westminster_.

The Post I would aim at, is to be Comptroller-General of the _London_ Cries, which are at present under no manner of Rules or Discipline. I think I am pretty well qualified for this Place, as being a Man of very strong Lungs, of great Insight into all the Branches of our _British_ Trades and Manufactures, and of a competent Skill in Musick.

The Cries of _London_ may be divided into Vocal and Instrumental. As for the latter they are at present under a very great Disorder. A Freeman of _London_ has the Privilege of disturbing a whole Street for an Hour together, with the Tw.a.n.king of a Bra.s.s-Kettle or a Frying-Pan.

The Watchman's Thump at Midnight startles us in our Beds, as much as the Breaking in of a Thief. The Sowgelder's Horn has indeed something musical in it, but this is seldom heard within the Liberties. I would therefore propose, that no Instrument of this Nature should be made use of, which I have not tuned and licensed, after having carefully examined in what manner it may affect the Ears of her Majesty's liege Subjects.

Vocal Cries are of a much larger Extent, and indeed so full of Incongruities and Barbarisms, that we appear a distracted City to Foreigners, who do not comprehend the Meaning of such enormous Outcries. Milk is generally sold in a note above _Ela_, and in Sounds so [exceeding [2]] shrill, that it often sets our Teeth [on [3]] Edge.