Part 12 (2/2)

”No, no, no. I'm not giving you some list of how to tell if your crush is into you. It's something you have to do by... like, a sense. And the best way to figure it out is just going to be to ask. I've asked out more guys on dates than have ever asked me.”

I'm well aware, because she points that out to us every time it happens, like a point of pride. Neither Rhiannon or I have ever asked out anyone at all, or been asked out ourselves. At least as far as I know. I'm never going to have the nerve to ask someone out, blindly hoping they'll say yes and risking that if they say no, I'll have to avoid them for the rest of my life. Not a chance.

”That's not going to happen. You and I both know there is no way that's going to happen. So what's Plan B?”

”I'd say, spend more time with him and report back. Let me know if he says anything, or if he's paying a lot of attention to you. But you've already been hanging out with him for a while. There haven't been any clues?”

I think back to cla.s.ses and lunches spent with Kent and his friends, but now everything seems like a blur. ”He offered to do the haunted house with me last month. It was just the two of us. But it's not like he made a move or anything.”

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that Reece is way off the mark. Kent hasn't done anything that would suggest he likes me as anything more than a friend. And I should feel lucky he likes me even that much. ”And it never occurred to you that he's playing the same game you are, holding back and hoping for some kind of sign from the universe?”

Reece sighs like I'm the most exasperating person on the planet. ”Tell you what, tomorrow at school, just pay more attention. Consider the possibility and see how he's acting. No commitment for you to do anything, just wait and see. But don't be so busy hiding from the possibility that you miss it entirely.” With one big flop, I'm lying down on my bed and groan. ”Now I wish you hadn't said anything. I'm sure he doesn't like me, but now I'm going to take any possible thing he does as a sign or something.”

”That does not sound like you're taking my advice and keeping an open mind.” I look over to find that Reece's expression has taken on one that looks frighteningly similar to that of our mother. I groan again to make a point, but don't argue.

As Reece stands up to leave, I pull myself up as well and latch onto her in a big cheesy hug. ”Thank you for being the only one of us who is remotely competent at this kind of thing.” I don't know why I say it, and it's not even really what I want to thank her for, but it's something. And I mean it.

After second, Reece pulls away and looks at me, giving a helpless shrug. ”I have no idea what you guys would do without me.”

”Same. And maybe, if you aren't feeling like yourself here yet, find a way to change things. Do something big, something totally Reece to make you feel like you're owning Fairview just as much as you were Richmond. Because we both know that sooner or later you're going to be running this town in no time. So stop waiting around for it to give you permission.”

Reece sticks out her tongue, but just maybe, she's considering what I've said. I may have opened a giant bag of worms on that one. Or she'll go to sleep in a couple of hours and forget that we ever had this conversation.

Reece gives me a quick wink and then disappears back through the bathroom.

For now, I'll let Reece worry about her and I will worry about getting this homework done. Or I'll worry about Kent. Okay, I'll be worrying about Kent. Because tomorrow I'm going to see him again and now it feels like everything has changed.

I want to do as Reece says and believe. I want to be open to the possibility. But it's so far away from everything my life has ever been. Having a guy like me, like that just doesn't feel like who I am, but I know that's ridiculous. Reece's voice is still whispering in my mind that this could really be happening. But, not wanting to screw it up, I open my phone, promising myself that this will only be a five-minute detour from homework, and try to find some lists of ways to tell if your crush likes you.

Chapter 19.

By the end of second period I have freaked myself out at the mere thought of seeing Kent again.

So far, all my teachers are interpreting the end of Thanksgiving break as an excuse to move full throttle into preparing for exams, but I can barely focus on the influx of new a.s.signments because all I'm thinking about is Kent. At least half of my brain has been on the lookout for him at all times since arriving at school this morning. So far, nothing. Which should have given me more time to figure out a plan, but I'm more confused than ever.

Right before the last bell, I got a text from Rosie saying that the plan for lunch today is to meet in the cafeteria, eat fast and then go to the library. She and Jen need to study for a test tomorrow, meaning we'll be on our own in terms of entertainment. And I'm probably going to have to figure out something to say to Kent. Before today that had never seemed like a particularly daunting task, and now it seems like the hardest thing in the universe. Frank will be there to act as a non-studying buffer, but odds are that right after we get to the library, he will open a book and we won't hear from him again until it's time to head to cla.s.s. Something I'm kind of wis.h.i.+ng I could attempt too.

It took less than an hour to imagine five different ways I can screw this all up in a matter of minutes.

But despite all of that, a big part of me wants to see how this plays out. Reece will expect some sort of report after school, and I want to have something to tell her. Okay, what I want to know is if maybe she's right. Could he like me too? The fact that I'm even considering it as a possibility seems insane, but I so desperately want her to have this all figured out since I definitely don't.

Why does this all have to be so difficult?

I'm the first one to arrive in the cafeteria so I sit myself down in my usual spot and make a point of looking busy, which is not so hard to do since I never finished my math homework last night. I start in on the ma.s.sive pile of problems I'm supposed to have finished already, trying to work through them when my brain struggles to remember what we're studying in cla.s.s. If only Rhiannon didn't get so annoyed every time I asked her to share her own homework with me.

”Hey,” Rosie's voice interrupts me. I look up as she and Kent sit down at the table beside me. Soon after, Jen and Frank arrive as well, already in the middle of a conversation about some old movie. Everyone else keeps quiet as it turns into a heated debate, doing our best to stay out of the crossfire.

After a minute, I risk a sidelong glance at Kent, glad to have Rosie as a buffer between us. I'm not sure I'm ready to face him head-on yet. So, time and s.p.a.ce are good.

Reece was right, all the lists I found online were completely useless. Sure, there are dozens of signs I could watch for, but any one of them could be interpreted a million different ways. My best bet will be waiting to see what Kent does and if I can read anything into it. I'll probably end up just reporting back to Reece and letting her sort it all out.

”Fine!” Jen says, placing her hands down on the table. ”You win. I will watch the original Buffy movie and tell you what I think, but I still suspect this is all a huge waste of time.” Frank looks triumphant, but he doesn't get a chance to respond before Jen continues. ”Which brings us back to the real world. New presentation a.s.signment today in drama. The last one before we start in on Alice in Wonderland as a cla.s.s. Groups of three.”

c.r.a.p! I should have had the syllabus memorized weeks ago, so I'd be able to brace myself when these things are coming. Not only will I have to perform in front of the cla.s.s again, but there will only be two other people up there with me to share the spotlight. And since there are four of us in cla.s.s together that means I will be doing this with people I barely know.

I've been lucky so far in that Jen has taken pity on me every time we needed to work with other people during cla.s.s. But it's always worked out so that me, and the three of them either formed our own group, or became part of a bigger one. But groups of three means someone is getting left out, and it's going to be me.

No one says anything at first and I prepare to volunteer as tribute before anyone has to tell me I'm out of luck.

”Okay, so two and two,” Frank says.

But before I can wrap my head around the fact that the world isn't ending after all, Kent chimes in. ”Me and Reagan. You and Jen.” My heart stops. ”Makes sense to mix up the genders so we have the most versatile groups possible,” he quickly adds before shooting me a glance. I still don't say anything. Kent wants to be in a group with me. He could ditch me altogether and work with both Jen and Frank, but he wants to work with me.

Is this one of those signs I'm supposed be looking for? Or is this just Kent continuing to be insanely nice? Like everything else, there are too many ways I can interpret this. I'm screaming inside.

Jen and Frank agree like it's the most natural thing in the world and dig into their food, as if they don't notice what just happened. Kent picked me.

Or, they aren't acting like it's a big deal because it really isn't. I pop a carrot stick into my mouth and chew slowly, trying to buy myself more time to pull myself together. I s.h.i.+ft to look over at Kent but find Rosie staring right at me and looking at me much in the same way that Reece did last night.

Why is everyone treating me like some social anomaly, fit for study?

I give her a questioning look back and make myself focus on food instead of Kent. Later, I'll replay all of this for Reece and hopefully she'll be able to help me sort it out.

Wait. That's probably a terrible idea, because I know what she's going to say. And she doesn't understand Kent like I do. It's possible that this doesn't mean anything at all. Maybe this along with the apology yesterday and everything else since we moved here has just been Kent being Kent. He's a nice guy. And I have to think there are guys out there who are nice even to girls they aren't interested in dating.

No. I won't say anything to Reece yet. This is a good sign, but it isn't definitive and I can't let her talk me into believing otherwise. Not without real proof. All I can do is wait and see and keep note of everything else for the next few days. I won't write this off, but I won't start imagining me and Kent going on our first date together either.

That's a lie. I definitely will.

But the next few days pa.s.s almost normally. Now, I'm just hyperaware of Kent and everything he does. Every time he says h.e.l.lo to me in the hall or at lunch, I note his expression and tone before stumbling a greeting back. When he grabs my bag for me after drama, I can't help but wonder if he's doing it as a way to get my attention. And as an afterthought, I remember to thank him. I'm pretty sure that trying to pay more attention to what Kent doing is making the act like an idiot around him. So if he liked me before all of this, there's a great chance he's not going to by the end of it.

But the thing is, I'm starting to suspect that possibly, there is the slightest chance that he does actually like me. The way he acts around me isn't quite like how he is with Jen and Rosie. I catch him looking at me in the same moments when I'm already trying to subtly look at him. And while it's harder to tell with his darker complexion, I'm pretty sure he's blus.h.i.+ng nearly as often as I am.

Is this really my life? Did I moved to a new town, promptly make an a.s.s of myself and then somehow still manage to come out at the other end with the new group of friends and the guy I have a crush on liking me back?

Maybe. Maybe not. By Friday, I've given into the reality that I will need a second opinion. It's time to bust out the big guns and ask Reece what she thinks. And what it is I'm supposed to do next. Or I'm just going to need her to talk me down and convince me that all of what I've been seeing is in my head. By the time we get home from school, I'm ready for either possibility.

But at my first chance to get Reece alone she practically sprints for her bedroom and shuts the door. I try to use my own room to come at her from another angle, but find the door locked. When I circle back to the hallway, the door to her bedroom won't open either.

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