Part 18 (2/2)
”Take all the time you want.”
It was a fairly warm night. Where Deanna stood, she was framed in the moonlight reflecting off a large lake, providing some degree of illumination. Her arms were crossed as if she were cold.
Riker stood behind her, waiting patiently. ”Lovely area,” he said tentatively. ”You come here often?”
”Yes.” She sounded distracted. ”From time to time.”
”It's pretty remote.”
”That's deliberate.”
They were at the edge of a forest. Riker glanced up at the trees with their outstretched branches, like fingers that wanted to drag him into the darkness of the woods. ”So now what? We hang from branches some more?”
She turned to face him. ”Take your clothes off.”
He stared at her. ”I beg your pardon?”
”It's a therapy technique I learned in cla.s.s a couple of days ago. Take your clothes off. All of them.”
He grinned lopsidedly. ”Okay. What's the joke? One of your girlfriends hiding in the woods here? I get naked, you guys grab my clothes and run off. I have to make my way back to town, show up at the door of the emba.s.sy, and explain why I'm seriously out of uniform. Big laugh on the human. Right?”
Deanna gave a loud sigh and reached back around to the back of her tunic, undoing some fastenings. Within seconds she stood naked in front of Riker and tossed her outfit to him. It landed in a small bundle at his feet.
”Take your clothes off.”
Riker did so.
They stood nude in the moonlight, facing each other, and then Deanna walked toward him. Riker's body was trembling inwardly, but he tried not to show it.
”Lie down.” Her voice was firm, but Riker wondered if she was just as nervous inside as he was.
Now why in h.e.l.l was he nervous? It certainly wasn't as if she were his first.
Deanna saw him standing there, unmoving. ”If you want, and if you still think this is some sort of prank, you can keep your hands on your uniform so no 'accomplice' can grab it.”
Slowly Riker lay down on the ground.
”On your side. Your back towards me.”
Completely puzzled, Riker did as she asked. He tucked his legs up slightly, looking slightly fetal and feeling slightly foolish.
He heard motion behind him and then Deanna was lying next to him. She curled up against him in the manner that humans still called spoons, for the way that spoons fit together when stacked. She slid one arm under him and brought the other over, wrapping herself around him.
He felt her chin against his shoulder, and that particular connection was easily the least incendiary that occurred to him. The rest of her front was pressed against his back, and his pulse and mind were racing. She felt incredibly warm against him. Every muscle was aching; he felt as if his entire body had too much blood in it... that it didn't know where to go, and any moment he was going to explode out every pore.
”Now,” she said softly, ”we're going to talk.”
His voice was strangled. ”T-talk?”
”Yes. You see... you still have to develop mental discipline. You still have to learn control. You have to be able to deal with me without thinking about me on a physical level.”
”And this is supposed to make me stop thinking about you physically!” He wanted to flip over and face her, to grab her, to turn her over and- ”That's right.” She sounded inhumanly calm. ”We are going to chat about whatever you want and just stay like this. You are going to become comfortable with the notion of my s.e.xuality and yours, and that way you'll be able to move beyond it to more spiritual matters.”
”I can-” But his voice had gone up an octave. He cleared his throat, trying to ignore the horses galloping through his brain, and started over. ”I can think of a far better way to get comfortable with s.e.xuality-and it'll be a lot more fun than the way I'm feeling right now.”
”How are you feeling right now?”
”My body hurts, and I want to bay at the moons.”
To his surprise, this actually prompted a soft laugh. But then she said, ”To give in to those impulses, Will, only undercuts everything I've said. The desires of the body must be secondary to the desires of the mind.”
Riker was ready to kill her. ”Why in h.e.l.l are you doing this?” he grated. ”Why are you making me feel like I want to jump out of my skin? I mean, obviously it has no effect on you. but it's making me crazy!”
She said something so softly that he didn't hear it at all. ”What?”
”I said,” she repeated, not without effort, ”that it is definitely having an effect on me.”
”It is? What... um... what sort?”
One of her hands moved across his chest, and she said, sounding somewhat frustrated, ”Well, now, what do you think?”
Doing the best he could to control his voice and keep the tremble out of it, he said, ”Deanna... if both of us are feeling this way... then maybe it would make sense if we...?”
”Will.” For the first time she actually sounded pleading. ”Will, I can't. Don't you see? First and foremost, two people have to connect on an intellectual and spiritual level. If they make love purely because of the physical attraction, then it's just... just a s.e.x act. It would be a mistake.”
”Deanna... how could giving in to what we both want be a mistake?”
”I don't want to, Will.”
”But you said...?”
”I don't want to give in to the impulses that I'm feeling. How can you not understand? It would undercut everything that I believe in. I don't feel a connection to you on a spiritual level. I don't feel comfortable with you. I can't just give myself over, I...”
”You're afraid of me.” This time when he said it, there was no challenge in his voice, no mockery. This time he said it and there was... sympathy? Understanding? He wasn't sure what it was, but all he knew was that he wanted to comfort her. He wanted her to feel better.
He held her arms tightly against himself, and there was nothing s.e.xual about it. It was as if he were trying to send some of his strength into her.
”A little,” she said in a voice so small he had to strain to hear it. ”I feel a little afraid. When you live by a certain philosophy, and then you meet someone who disrupts that philosophy...” She paused a moment. ”It goes back to what we were talking about... about love at first sight. I can accept love at first sight. I can accept l.u.s.t at first sight. But the latter is something I don't feel I want to be a part of.”
”There's something to be said for just giving yourself over to the pleasure of the moment.”
”I'm sure you'd be the expert on that, Will.”
They were silent for a long time after that. He still felt the heat from her, and the slow in and out of her breathing. But it wasn't affecting him quite the same way.
”So... so what do we do now?” he asked.
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