Part 14 (1/2)
”Wh... why did you do that?” he managed to get out.
”Will, why are you asking obvious questions?” She held out the pastry to him. ”I mean, I'm not asking you why you mauled me just now. I think it's fairly self-evident. I think my reason for stopping you is equally self-evident. So tell me... do you still feel in control?”
”Not... particularly.” The soreness was just starting to recede. ”Now you see... that's just how I felt a moment ago. Lovemaking, Will, is when two people voluntarily decide to give control over to the partner. I wasn't voluntarily relinquis.h.i.+ng anything. So I needed to reclaim it, quickly.”
”You... could simply have said no.”
She frowned at him. ”I did.”
”No, you didn't.”
”I distinctly remember-”
”You didn't. If you'd have said no, I'd have stopped.” Slowly he sat up, still rubbing his sore middle. ”That I can a.s.sure you.”
Her eyebrows knitted together, a puzzled expression on her face. ”I was quite sure that I-”
”You know what?” said Riker, pointing at her. ”You may have thought you said it... but you didn't. And maybe that's because you didn't really want to. For a moment there, you weren't resisting. As a matter of fact, you were pretty d.a.m.ned encouraging. I'll tell you something-you're so certain that you know my mind. Well, I don't even think you know your own.”
”Is that a fact?”
”Yes.”
”Well, then, just answer me this...”
He waited for the question. ”Yeah?”
”Do you want the dessert or not?”
He shook his head in confusion. ”That's the question?”
Even she looked puzzled by it. ”Yes.”
”No. No dessert, thanks. Between the filling meal and your knee, my stomach's pretty much finished for the afternoon.”
”Okay. Fine, then.” Never taking her eyes off Riker, and regarding him with a very suspicious air... probably because she wasn't sure herself how he was making her feel... Deanna Troi ate Riker's dessert along with her own. Riker said nothing as he watched her do it.
Finally he asked, ”Have you met a lot of humans?”
”A few. Mostly friends of my father.”
”Formed an opinion?”
”Not especially. They're people, just like anyone else. Sweeping generalizations are rarely much use. I prefer a case-by-case diagnosis.”
”Spoken like a true student of psychology. So... what are you going to do with your degree once you've gotten it?”
”Do with it?” She shrugged. ”I don't know. Probably nothing.”
He stared at her. ”Nothing?”
”Well... knowing how the mind operates, and being able to talk to people.. these skills will certainly be helpful to me in my societal responsibilities. Far more so than geology would have been.”
”But... but don't you want to forge a career?”
”My life is my career. My responsibilities that are part and parcel of Betazed tradition. I'm not like you, Will. Many aspects of my life are already set.”
”You know, I've had this conversation before,” said Riker grimly. ”With your mother. It's a shame you haven't got a mind ofyour own.”
”I have a mind of my own,” shot back Deanna hotly. ”It's hardly my fault if my opinion concurs with that of my mother, now, is it?”
”You're right, you're right. I'm the poor dumb human who barely understands what's going through his own head, and you're the all-wise Betazoid who knows everything. Does that pretty much cover it?”
Making a sound of great frustration, Deanna began shoving all the picnic materials back into the basket. ”This was stupid,” she muttered partly to herself. ”I don't know why I let myself be talked into this.”
”Because you wanted to be talked into it.”
”Oh, nonsense.”
”You know what your problem is, Deanna?”
”Yes. My problem is you.”
”No.” He drew himself closer to her and hunkered down in front of her. When she wouldn't look at him, he took her pointed chin in his hands and brought her around to face him. ”Your problem is that you overa.n.a.lyze everything. You are so d.a.m.ned used to studying feelings, and thinking about feelings, and contemplating feelings, that you have no idea of how to just go with feelings.”
”And you,” she shot back, pus.h.i.+ng his hand away, ”can only go with feelings. You're going to make some Starfleet officer, Lieutenant. Someone who's incapable of studying a situation and deciding what to do about it calmly and rationally. I bet you'll never ask anyone for their opinions. I bet you'll never look for suggestions. You'll just do what you want, when you want, on impulse, because your feelings tell you to do so, and you'll just drag the rest of the crew along with you. And heaven help them if you're wrong.”
He sat back on his heels. And looking somewhat stupid, he grinned. ”You must really like me if you get that worked up over me.”
”Oh, you're intolerable.”
She picked up the picnic basket and started to walk, her large caftan swis.h.i.+ng around her. Riker got to his feet and walked along next to her.
”And I bet you don't believe in love at first sight,” he said challengingly.
She didn't even glance at him. ”Now you're saying you love me?”
”No, I'm not saying that. I'm asking about the idea in principle. Do you believe in love at first sight?”
He fully expected that she would say no, just as Wendy had. So he was surprised when she slowly came to a halt and turned to look at him full in the face, her eyes large and thoughtful.
Then she turned and walked off in another direction. Puzzled, he followed her.
The terrain got more steep and hilly, and she put down the picnic basket and used her hands to help pull herself up. He followed her, unsure of what was happening, but reluctant to say or do anything that would possibly stop her. He wanted to see what she was up to.
Eventually Deanna reached what appeared to be a peak, and she sat down carefully, meticulously arranging her caftan. Riker climbed up next to her, and his breath caught in his throat.