Part 2 (1/2)

”This was my home,” he said quietly, ”and the people here are my family. I grew up here, Miss Westcott, after being dropped off as a baby like so much unwanted rubbish. I have a name, which may or may not be my father's or my mother's. I had a decent upbringing here and never lacked for the necessities of life or for companions.h.i.+p and even affection. I was supported until I was fifteen by an anonymous benefactor, as most of the children here are. I left then, after employment and accommodation had been found for me. I also went to art school, since my benefactor was generous enough to pay the fees. The door here was not locked against me. Quite the contrary, in fact. But to all intents and purposes I was on my own to make my own way in life-with the full knowledge that though I will always call this place my home and the people here my family, in reality I am without home or family.

”We orphans, Miss Westcott, know all about necessities and the fine line between surviving and starving. We are not likely to spend the little money we can earn upon nothing but ribbons and beads and sweets. But we know too the value, the necessity of the occasional treat. We know that life is not all or always gray, that there is color too. And we know that we are as much ent.i.tled to some color in our lives as the wealthiest of the more privileged elements of society. We are people. Persons.”

Camille set the card down against the bag of sweets. ”You are angry,” she said unnecessarily. And now she felt foolish. But she had had no way of knowing, had she? And she felt accused, despised, as though she had been looking down upon these children as inferiors and of no account. She had been trying to do just the opposite. She might have been one of them, instead of Anastasia.

”Yes,” he said.

”I am not one of the wealthy and privileged,” she told him.

”Neither,” he said, ”are you an orphan, Miss Westcott.”

No. Only a b.a.s.t.a.r.d. She almost said it aloud. But he probably was one too. So surely were most of the children here-the offspring of two people who had not been married to each other. Why else would most of them have been brought here and supported in secret? He was telling her she could never understand. And perhaps he was right.

”You knew Anastasia not just as a fellow teacher, then,” she said.

”We grew up together,” he told her.

Somehow his words depressed her and made her feel even more of an outsider. But an outsider to what? ”You were friends?”

”The best,” he said. She had the feeling he was going to say more, but he did not continue.

She turned to look at him and thought unexpectedly of how different he was from Viscount Uxbury, to whom she would have been married by now if her father had not died when he had. Lord Uxbury was undeniably handsome, immaculately groomed, dignified, the epitome of gentility. No one would ever catch him perching on the edge of a desk, one foot swinging, his arms crossed, hands tucked under his armpits. No one would catch him with boots in which he could not see his own reflection. And no one would catch him with closely cropped hair that had not been styled in the newest fas.h.i.+on. It was strange, given the fact of his looks, that she had never really thought of Lord Uxbury as a man, only as the ideal husband for a lady of her rank and fortune. He had never kissed her, nor had she expected him to. She had never thought of the marriage bed except in the vaguest of ways as a duty that would be fulfilled when the time came. Yet she had thought of him as perfection itself, her perfect mate.

She looked at Mr. Cunningham's firm lips and chin and found herself thinking about kisses. Specifically his kisses. It was really quite alarming. His appearance offended her, yet it was perhaps the very absence of the veneer of gentility that made her so aware of his maleness. She was offended by that too, for there was something raw about it. A gentleman ought not to make a lady aware of his masculinity.

He was not a gentleman, though, was he? And she was not a lady. She looked into his eyes and found them gazing directly back into her own. They were very dark eyes, as were his eyebrows and his hair. Even his complexion had a slightly olive hue, suggestive of some foreign blood in his ancestry. Italian? Spanish? Greek? Mediterranean men were said to be pa.s.sionate, were they not? And wherever had she heard such a shocking thing?

Pa.s.sion was vulgar.

He had known Anastasia, had grown up here with her, had been her friend-her best friend. He had taught in this schoolroom with her. Had he perhaps loved her? How had he felt when she went away, when the great dream had become reality for her while he had remained behind-with the full knowledge that though I will always call this place home and the people here my family, in reality I am without home or family.

It disturbed her that he might have loved Anastasia. It almost hurt her. It reminded her of her own terrible loss.

”Why are you here?” he asked abruptly, breaking a rather lengthy silence. He sounded as though he was feeling offended about something too.

”Here at the orphanage school, do you mean?” she asked. He did not answer and she shrugged. ”Why not here? I live in Bath with my grandmother, and I must do something. An idle existence is no longer appropriate to my station. And the salary, though a mere pittance, is at least all mine.”

Her grandmother, true to her word, had insisted upon issuing a generous monthly allowance to both her and Abigail. It was larger than their father had given them. Camille had stuffed the money for this month into a little cubbyhole in the escritoire in her room, where she was determined it would remain. She had not accepted the quarter of a fortune Anastasia had offered, and she would not use what her grandmother gave, though of course she was accepting Grandmama's hospitality every day she stayed at the house in the Royal Crescent. She did not know quite why she would not accept the money, just as she did not quite know why she had come here as soon as she heard of an opening at the school. But at least the salary she earned by her own efforts would give her some money to spend.

It would give her some self-respect too, some sense of being in charge of her own life.

”If you object to my being here,” she said, ”you ought to have spoken up after I left last week. Perhaps Miss Ford would have written to cancel our agreement to a two-week trial.”

He had been examining the boot on his swinging foot, perhaps noticing how disgracefully worn it was. But his eyes came snapping back to hers at her words.

”Why would I have an objection?” he asked her.

”Perhaps because I am not Anna Snow,” she said.

She did not know where those words had come from. She was not . . . jealous, was she? How absurd. But the words had a noticeable effect. His foot was suddenly still, and they gazed steadily at each other for several uncomfortable moments.

”Do you hate her?” he asked.

”Do you love her?”

His eyes turned hard. ”I could tell you to mind your own business,” he said. ”Instead, I will remind you that she is married and that it would be wrong of me to covet another man's wife.”

But he had not denied it, she noticed.

”She married Avery, yes.” She watched him closely. ”Does her choice of husband rankle? He is so very . . . elegant. Almost effete. And oh so indolent.” And somehow a bit dangerous, though she had never quite understood that impression she had always had of him. ”And very rich. Have you met him?”

”Yes,” he said. ”I dined with them at the Royal York Hotel when they came through Bath shortly after their marriage. I believe Anna is happy. I believe the Duke of Netherby is too. Did you come here specifically to teach rather than to another school because of Anna? Out of curiosity perhaps to discover something about the sister you did not know you had until recently?”

”Half sister,” she said. ”I could tell you to mind your own business. Instead I will say that if I were curious about her, I would speak with her.”

He got abruptly to his feet, crossed the room to remove the paintings from the easels and stand them against the wall, and began to fold and put away the easels while Camille watched him.

”But you have not done so, have you?” he said after a minute or two of more silence.

How did he know that? Did they communicate, he and Anastasia? Or had she told him when she was in Bath with Avery? ”She is a d.u.c.h.ess,” she said, ”and I am n.o.body. It would not be appropriate for me to speak with her.” Her words sounded ridiculous as soon as she had spoken them, but they could not be recalled.

He set one folded easel against another and turned his head to look at her over his shoulder. ”Self-pity is not an attractive trait, Miss Westcott,” he said.

”Self-pity?” She lifted her chin and glared back at him. ”I thought it was a case of facing reality, Mr. Cunningham.”

”Then you thought wrong,” he said. ”It is self-pity, pure and simple. Anna would have opened her arms-would still do so-to welcome you as a sister, and never mind the half relations.h.i.+p. She would share her fortune with you and your brother and sister with the greatest gladness. But you would not condescend to have any dealings with someone who grew up in an orphanage, would you? And you would not be condescended to either. You would rather starve. Yet you seem to feel this need to step into her shoes to discover whether they will fit or pinch your toes.”

She glared at him in shock and dislike, nostrils flared. ”You presume to know a great deal about me, Mr. Cunningham,” she said, ”and about my dealings with Anastasia- or lack of dealings. She has obviously been remarkably loose-lipped.” It was mortifying, to say the least, that he knew so much.

”I am her family,” he said. He grabbed another easel and folded it none too gently. ”Family members confide in one another, especially when they are hurt or rejected by those to whom they have reached out in friends.h.i.+p. But I apologize for poking my nose in where it does not belong. You have every right to be annoyed. I will finish putting things away here. You must be wis.h.i.+ng to be on your way home.”

She was sorry he had apologized. The hurt remained and she did not want to forgive. Self-pity is not an attractive trait.

”What makes you think, Mr. Cunningham,” she said to his back, ”that I want to be attractive to you?”

He paused, the easel still in his hands, and turned his head again. At first he looked blank, and then he grinned slowly and something uncomfortable happened to her knees.

”I am quite sure it is the very last thing you wish to be,” he said.

Or can be, his words seemed to imply. But he was perfectly correct. She did not want to be attractive to any man. The very idea! Least of all did she want to attract the art teacher with his slovenly appearance and wicked, insolent grin and his dark, bold eyes, which seemed to see through to the back of her skull and the depths of her soul. He somehow represented chaos, and her life had always been characterized by order.

And where had that got her, pray?

She turned, drew on her bonnet and gloves, took up her reticule, and cast one last despairing look at the mess she was leaving behind in the form of a pretend shop. He did not rush to open the door for her-but why should he? When she had opened it herself and was pa.s.sing through it, however, his voice detained her.