Part 16 (1/2)
Who wouldn't be? Joanna was wearing his jersey. There was nothing left to be said. That had said it all.
”I'm fine.”
”Good. Let me walk you to your car.”
”I need to walk.” f.u.c.k the car. I needed to sweat this off, or I would crash due to this frantic state of mind I was in.
”Then let me walk you to your house.”
I wanted to growl at him to leave me alone and go back to Joanna, but even that, I couldn't do, because I couldn't look at him. I just couldn't. I didn't trust myself enough.
”It's fine. There's no need for that.”
”Please, don't argue with me. If you're walking home this late, I need to make sure you're going to get there safe.”
f.u.c.k. Okay, whatever. He could follow me or go back into the house to f.u.c.k Joanna, whatever. I didn't care about any of it.
Fast pacing, I tried to freeze him out by not speaking to him. Although he probably could guess where my thoughts were going, he didn't have the decency to put any of them to rest or to even openly say it without me having to question him. Somehow, it made me madder, too. After all, let's face it, it had merely been a couple of hours before when he had said he was waiting for me to come around. He certainly didn't take time to let things be; he just kept rolling as if nothing mattered. Maybe it didn't-maybe I didn't matter that much if he could jump from one woman to the next.
Once we reached the house, something inside of me snapped. ”I hate you!” I declared, full of loathing, full of vengeance. ”I'm going to try until it happens. I don't care anymore.”
”I know you will,” he said, boring his eyes into me.
His reaction got me even more heated.
”Good, because I will never pine for you the way I did. I'll be over you in a heartbeat. Watch me do it. I'm done! I'm just f.u.c.king done!”
”Well, it looks like you're doing a fine job of getting on without me,” he said with a lot of underlying barb.
”By the looks of it, so are you.”
He shrugged, looking away, as if he was done talking to me.
”I better head back, or they might send out a search party. Have a goodnight, Amber.” He gave me one last look before he spun on his heels and started retracing his steps.
”Did you f.u.c.k her?” I shot my question out loud enough for him to hear me succinctly.
He stopped walking, taking a moment to let the question sink in before deciding to face me.
”Tell me what you want to hear, and I'll say it,” he murmured. ”If my answer will help you find whatever it is you're searching for, then tell me what to say to you.”
His nonchalant demeanor was grating on me.
”I want the truth,” I growled back vehemently. ”Did you f.u.c.k Joanna in your bedroom? Is that why she's wearing your s.h.i.+rt?” Saying those words out loud made it even worse. G.o.d help me, because no Valium could numb me from the pain that was rioting through my body.
He suddenly seemed serious, pondering as he pressed his lips together, deciding how to respond to my question most likely.
”She wanted to...” he delicately murmured before adding, ”She tried to seduce me into it.”
His answer wasn't what I was looking for. He knew it, too, so why was he dancing about the d.a.m.n subject?
”But did you?” I paused, inhaling deeply. ”Did you do it?”
”Stop crying, please. Just go inside.”
s.h.i.+t. I wasn't even aware I was crying.
”I can't stop.” It was the truth. Once I knew I was shedding buckets, there was no going back. All these pent up emotions needed an outlet, and quite frankly, it seemed as though tears were the only solution. ”How could you f.u.c.k her, knowing I was downstairs?” Okay, that wasn't entirely true, but whatever, I was crying, dammit.
Apologetic, he strolled towards me then chose to stand before my crying state. ”I honest to G.o.d didn't know you'd be there. After how we left things, I wasn't sure you were going to be, because I thought you left and never planned to come back.”
His stupid answer, the way he was skirting around it, made me bawl even harder. I kid you not, it was harder to put a sad halt to this conundrum. Therefore, I kept crying like a wailing baby in the manger or, as people referred to it these days, having an ”ugly cry.” Yep, this was me. Pathetic, ol' me.
”Amber...” he said, trying to get my attention as he cupped my face before leaving a soft kiss on my forehead. Then he proceeded to seek my eyes, my tear-filled gaze. ”I didn't do anything with Joanna.”
Not even his answer did anything to cure this d.a.m.n thing. It was like a disease; it kept on going.
”Why not? What stopped you?” I asked in between hiccups.
”Because I gave you my word that I won't hurt you, so I'll wait ... until you're over me before I really move on.”
This was all too much. He was just too much.
”Why would you sacrifice so much for me? I'm not worthy of it.” I had been pus.h.i.+ng him away, and in a sense, he was still respecting me. It was odd and unheard of.
”Say whatever you like, but in my eyes, you're worth everything.”
I shook my head, not believing that particular lie.
”Lindsey is your everything,” I said, knowing too well how much he loved her.
”I love her, but in a sense, I have accepted that she's moved on, and I'm actually looking forward to the next chapter in my life,” he said cautiously before continuing, ”and I want you in this new chapter, Amber. I know what you're thinking, and that's why I have been patient-sometimes-about waiting for you, because I know it might take some time for you to believe me. But you have to understand, it's been over six months since Lindsey. She's always going to mean something to me, but she's the past, and I feel as though you're my future. I might not be making sense, but it took me quite a long time to get here, so please, give me a chance to prove things to you. I've always cared for you. You were always in the back of my mind, yet I never pursued it until recently, and that's when things started to make sense.
”Lindsey is the past-our past. I don't want you to feel threatened by my past relations.h.i.+p with her, because that is over and done with. Things with you are different. I'm more relaxed, protective in a sense that's scary sometimes. I have never felt this about anyone, but you kept pus.h.i.+ng me away, leaving me doubting my chances with you. I want to protect you. I want to take care of you. You have to let me love you.”
Love, that elusive word again.
If it were any other man, I would jump into this in a heartbeat, but this was Brody. If I let him in the way he wanted, it might shatter me in more ways than were imaginable. It was as if I would be giving someone all the power to hurt me, and quite frankly, it was petrifying to think that one person in the world could have such an effect on anyone. I had so many issues, but I knew I needed him, too.
”If I do let you in again, you promise to take care of my heart this time?”
”I'll protect it for as long as I live,” he swore before reaching for my lips, gently kissing me. ”I love you. I know it's been confusing, but my actions have been quite obvious. I just didn't want to scare you away by telling you how I feel. I had to let you come to terms with things first ... and I'm sorry for telling you now. It seems like you're not taking it well, but I can't hold it in anymore, Amber. I love you. I'm in love with you, and I want everyone to know.”
Shaking my head in protest, I felt dizzy from hearing his declaration. ”You must be crazy. How can you love me? This is insane. I can't-it's just not possible.”
”Then let me prove you wrong.”