Part 62 (1/2)
”Poor Thelma!” said Lady Winsleigh, taking it with an affectation of tenderness. ”What will you do?”
Thelma did not answer; she sat mute and rigid.
”You are thinking unkindly of me just now,” continued Clara softly; ”but I felt it was my duty to tell you the worst at once. It's no good living in a delusion! I'm very, very sorry for you, Thelma!”
Thelma remained perfectly silent. Lady Winsleigh moved towards the door, and as she opened it looked back at her. The girl might have been a lifeless figure for any movement that could be perceived about her. Her face was white as marble--her eyes were fixed on the sparkling fire--her very hands looked stiff and pallid as wax, as they lay clasped in her lap--the letter--the cruel letter,--had fallen at her feet. She seemed as one in a trance of misery--and so Lady Winsleigh left her.
CHAPTER XXVI.
”O my lord, O Love, I have laid my life at thy feet; Have thy will thereof For what shall please thee is sweet!”
SWINBURNE.
She roused herself at last. Unclasping her hands, she pushed back her hair from her brows and sighed heavily. s.h.i.+vering as with intense cold, she rose from the chair she had so long occupied, and stood upright, mechanically gathering around her the long fur mantle that she had not as yet taken off. Catching sight of the letter where it lay, a gleaming speck of white on the rich dark hues of the carpet, she picked it up and read it through again calmly and comprehensively,--then folded it up carefully as though it were something of inestimable value. Her thoughts were a little confused,--she could only realize clearly two distinct things,--first, that Philip was unhappy,--secondly, that she was in the way of his happiness. She did not pause to consider how this change in him had been effected,--moreover, she never imagined that the letter he had written could refer to any one but himself. Hers was a nature that accepted facts as they appeared--she never sought for ulterior motives or disguised meanings. True, she could not understand her husband's admiration for Violet Vere, ”But then”--she thought--”many other men admire her too. And so it is certain there must be something about her that wins love,--something I cannot see!”
And presently she put aside all other considerations, and only pondered on one thing,--how should she remove herself from the path of her husband's pleasure? For she had no doubt but that she was an obstacle to his enjoyment. He had made promises to Violet Vere which he was ”ready to fulfill,”--he offered her ”an honorable position,”--he desired her ”not to condemn him to death,”--he besought her to let his words ”carry more weight with her.”
”It is because I am here,” thought Thelma wearily. ”She would listen to him if I were gone!” She had the strangest notions of wifely duty--odd minglings of the stern Norse customs with the gentler teachings of Christianity,--yet in both cases the lines of woman's life were clearly defined in one word--obedience. Most women, receiving an apparent proof of a husband's infidelity, would have made what is termed a ”scene,”--would have confronted him with rage and tears, and personal abuse,--but Thelma was too gentle for this,--too gentle to resist what seemed to be Philip's wish and will, and far too proud to stay where it appeared evident she was not wanted. Moreover she could not bear the idea of speaking to him on, such a subject as his connection with Violet Vere,--the hot color flushed her cheeks with a sort of shame as she thought of it.
Of course, she was weak--of course, she was foolish,--we will grant that she was anything the reader chooses to call her. It is much better for a woman nowadays to be defiant rather than yielding,--aggressive, not submissive,--violent, not meek. We all know that! To abuse a husband well all round, is the modern method of managing him! But poor, foolish, loving, sensitive Thelma had nothing of the magnificent strength of mind possessed by most wives of to-day,--she could only realize that Philip--her Philip--was ”utterly weary and broken-hearted”--for the sake of another woman--and that other woman actually pitied _her_! She pitied herself too, a little vaguely--her brows ached and throbbed violently--there was a choking sensation in her throat, but she could not weep. Tears would have relieved her tired brain, but no tears fell.
She strove to decide on some immediate plan of action,--Philip would be home to-morrow,--she recoiled at the thought of meeting him, knowing what she knew. Glancing dreamily at her own figure, reflected by the lamplight in the long mirror opposite, she recognized that she was fully attired in outdoor costume--all save her hat, which she had taken off after her first greeting of Lady Winsleigh, and which was still on the table at her side. She looked at the clock,--it was five minutes to seven. Eight o'clock was her dinner-hour, and thinking of this, she suddenly rang the bell. Morris immediately answered it.
”I shall not dine at home,” she said in her usual gentle voice; ”I am going to see some friend this evening. I may not be back till--till late.”
”Very well, my lady,” and Morris retired without seeing anything remarkable in his mistress's announcement. Thelma drew a long breath of relief as he disappeared, and, steadying her nerves by a strong effort, pa.s.sed into her own boudoir,--the little sanctum specially endeared to her by Philip's frequent presence there. How cosy and comfortable a home-nest it looked!--a small fire glowed warmly in the grate, and Britta, whose duty it was to keep this particular room in order, had lit the lamp,--a rosy globe supported by a laughing cupid,--and had drawn the velvet curtains close at the window to keep out the fog and chilly air--there were fragrant flowers on the table,--Thelma's own favorite lounge was drawn up to the fender in readiness for her,--opposite to it stood the deep, old-fas.h.i.+oned easy chair in which Philip always sat. She looked round upon all these familiar things with a dreary sense of strangeness and desolation, and the curves of her sweet mouth trembled a little and drooped piteously. But her resolve was taken, and she did not hesitate or weep. She sat down to her desk and wrote a few brief lines to her father--this letter she addressed and stamped ready for posting.
Then for a while she remained apparently lost in painful musings, playing with the pen she held, and uncertain what to do. Presently she drew a sheet of note-paper toward her, and began, ”My darling boy.” As these words appeared under her hand on the white page, her forced calm nearly gave way,--a low cry of intense agony escaped from her lips, and, dropping the pen, she rose and paced the room restlessly, one hand pressed against her heart as though that action could still its rapid beatings. Once more she essayed the hard task she had set herself to fulfill--the task of bidding farewell to the husband in whom her life was centred. Piteous, pa.s.sionate words came quickly from her overcharged and almost breaking heart--words, tender, touching,--full of love, and absolutely free from all reproach. Little did she guess as she wrote that parting letter, what desperate misery it would cause to the receiver!--
When she had finished it, she felt quieted--even more composed than before. She folded and sealed it--then put it out of sight and rang for Britta. That little maiden soon appeared, and seemed surprised to see her mistress still in walking costume.
”Have you only just come in, Froken?” she ventured to inquire.
”No, I came home some time ago,” returned Thelma gently. ”But I was talking to Lady Winsleigh in the drawing-room,--and as I am going out again this evening I shall not require to change my dress. I want you to post this letter for me, Britta.”
And she held out the one addressed to her father, Olaf Guldmar. Britta took it, but her mind still revolved the question of her mistress's attire.
”If you are going to spend the evening with friends,” she suggested, ”would it not be better to change?”
”I have on a velvet gown,” said Thelma, with a rather wearied patience.
”It is quite dressy enough for where I am going.” She paused abruptly, and Britta looked at her inquiringly.
”Are you tired, Froken Thelma?” she asked. ”You are so pale!”
”I have a slight headache,” Thelma answered. ”It is nothing,--it will soon pa.s.s. I wish you to post that letter at once, Britta.”
”Very well, Froken.” Britta still hesitated. ”Will you be out all the evening?” was her next query.
”Yes.”