Part 62 (1/2)

There was that in the accent which struck his listener to the heart. He was powerless, fettered hand and foot as though he were a prisoner; a night's absence, and he would be shot as a deserter. He had grown accustomed to this rendering up of all his life to the rules of others; but now and then the galled spirit chafed, the netted stag strained at the bonds.

”I will try,” said Cigarette simply, without any of her audacity or of her vanity in the answer. ”Go you to the fire; you are cold.”

”Are you sure he will not return?”

”Not he. They are gone to eat and drink; I go with them. What is it you fear?”

”My own weakness.”

She was silent. She could just watch his features by the dim light, and she saw his mouth quiver under the fullness of his beard. He felt that if he looked again on the face of the man he loved he might be broken into self-pity, and unloose his silence, and shatter all the work of so many years. He had been strong where men of harder fiber and less ductile temper might have been feeble; but he never thought that he had been so; he only thought that he had acted on impulse, and had remained true to his act through the mere instinct of honor--an instinct inborn in his blood and his Order--an instinct natural and unconscious with him as the instinct by which he drove his breath.

”You are a fine soldier,” said Cigarette musingly; ”such men are not weak.”

”Why? We are only strong as tigers are strong--just the strength of the talon and fang. I do not know. I was weak as water once; I may be again, if--if----”

He scarcely knew that he was speaking aloud; he had forgotten her! His whole heart seemed burned as with fire by the memory of that one face so familiar, so well loved, yet from which he must shrink as though some cowardly sin were between them. The wretchedness on him seemed more than he could bear; to know that this man was so near that the sound of his voice raised could summon him, yet that he must remain as dead to him--remain as one dead after a craven and treacherous guilt.

He turned suddenly, almost violently, upon Cigarette.

”You have surprised my folly from me; you know my secret so far; but you are too brave to betray me, you are too generous to tell of this? I can trust you to be silent?”

Her face flushed scarlet with astonished anger; her little, childlike form grew instinct with haughty and fiery dignity.

”Monsieur, that question from one soldier of France to another is insult. We are not dastards!”

There was a certain grave reproach that mingled with the indignant scorn of the answer, and showed that her own heart was wounded by the doubt, as well as her military pride by the aspersion. Even amid the conflict of pain at war in him he felt that, and hastened to soothe it.

”Forgive me, my child; I should not have wronged you with the question.

It is needless, I know. Men can trust you to the death, they say.”

”To the death--yes.”

The answer was thoughtful, dreamy, almost sad, for Cigarette. His thoughts were too far from her in their tumult of awakened memories to note the tone as he went rapidly on:

”You have ingenuity, compa.s.sion, tact; you have power here, too, in your way. For the love of Heaven get me sent out on some duty before dawn!

There is Biribi's murder to be avenged--would they give the errand to me?”

She thought a moment.

”We will see,” she said curtly. ”I think I can do it. But go back, or you will be missed. I will come to you soon.”

She left him, then, rapidly; drawing her hand quickly out of the clasp of his.

Cigarette felt her heart aching to its core for the sorrow of this man who was nothing to her. He did not know what she had done for him in his suffering and delirium; he did not know how she had watched him all that night through, when she was weary, and bruised, and thirsting for sleep; he did not know; he held her hand as one comrade another's, and never looked to see if her eyes were blue or were black, were laughing or tear-laden. And yet she felt pain in his pain; she was always giving her life to his service. Many besides the little Friend of the Flag beat back as folly the n.o.blest and purest thing in them.

Cecil mechanically returned to the fire at which the men of his tribe were cooking their welcome supper, and sat down near them; rejecting, with a gesture, the most savory portion which, with their customary love and care for him, they were careful to select and bring to him. There had never been a time when they had found him fail to prefer them to himself, or fail to do them kindly service, if of such he had a chance; and they returned it with all that rough and silent attachment that can be so strong and so stanch in lives that may be black with crime or red with slaughter.

He sat like a man in a dream, while the loosened tongues of the men ran noisily on a hundred themes as they chaffed each other, exchanged a fire of bivouac jokes more racy than decorous, and gave themselves to the enjoyment of their rude meal, that had to them that savor which long hunger alone can give. Their voices came dull on his ear; the ruddy warmth of the fire was obscured to his sight; the din, the laughter, the stir all over the great camp, at the hour of dinner were lost on him.

He was insensible to everything except the innumerable memories that thronged upon him, and the aching longing that filled his heart with the sight of the friend of his youth.