Part 16 (1/2)

”Oh, I am more of an acquisition than ever. I think I have a bug in my heart.” He turned to Miss Tucker cheerfully. ”I am really the pride of the inst.i.tution. I've got 'em in the lungs and the throat and the digestive apparatus, and the bones, and the blood, and one doctor includes the brain. But I flatter myself that I've developed them in a brand-new place, and I'm trying to get the rest of the chasers to take up a collection and have me stuffed for a parlor ornament.”

”How does a bug in the heart feel?”

”Oh, just about like love. I really can't tell any difference myself.

It may be one, it may be the other. But whichever it is I think I deserve to be stuffed. Hey, Barrows!” he called suddenly, balancing himself on one cane and waving a summons with the other. ”Come across!

New lunger is here, young, good-looking. I saw her first! Hands off!”

Barrows rushed up as rapidly as circ.u.mstances permitted, and looked eagerly inside.

”It is my turn,” he said reproachfully. ”You are not playing fair. I say we submit this to arbitration. You had first shot at Miss Landbury, didn't you?”

”I am not a n.i.g.g.e.r baby at a county fair, three shots for ten cents,”

interrupted Nancy resentfully. But when the others laughed at her ready sally, she joined in good-naturedly.

”You don't look like a lunger,” said Barrows, eying her critically.

”Mr. Duke thinks I came out for the benefit of my disposition.”

”Good idea.” Nevius jerked a note-book from his pocket and made a hurried notation.

”Taking notes for a sermon?” asked Carol.

”No, for a sickness. That's where I'll get 'em next. I hadn't thought of the disposition. Thank you, thank you very much. I'll have it to-morrow. Bugs in the disposition,--sounds medical, doesn't it?”

”Oh, don't, Mr. Nevius,” entreated Carol. ”Don't get anything the matter with your disposition. We don't care where else you collect them, as long as you keep on making us laugh. But, woodman, spare that disposition.”

Nevius pulled out the note-book and crossed off the notation. ”There it goes again,” he muttered. ”Women always were a blot on the escutcheon of scientific progress. Just to oblige you, I've got to forego the pleasure of making a medical curiosity of myself. Well, well. Women are all right for domestic purposes, but they sure are a check on science.”

”They are a check on your bank-book, too, let me tell you,” said Barrows quickly. ”I never cared how much my wife checked me up on science, but when she checked me out of three bank-accounts I drew the line.”

”Speaking of death,” began Nevius suddenly.

”n.o.body spoke of it, and n.o.body wants to,” said Carol.

”Miss Tucker suggests it by the forlornity of her att.i.tude. And since she has started the subject, I must needs continue. I want to tell you something funny. You weren't here when Reddy Waters croaked, were you, Duke? He had the cottage next to mine. I was in bed at the time with--well, I don't remember where I was breaking out at the time, but I was in bed. You may have noticed that I have what might be called a cla.s.sic pallor, and a general resemblance to a corpse.”

Nancy s.h.i.+vered a little and Carol frowned, but Nevius continued imperturbably. ”The undertaker down-town is a lunger, and a nervous wreck to boot. But he is a good undertaker. He works hard. Maybe he is practising up so he can do a really artistic job on himself when the time comes. Anyhow, Reddy died. They always come after them when the rest of us are in at dinner. It interferes with the appet.i.te to see the long basket going out. So when the rest were eating, old Bennett comes driving up after Reddy. It was just about dark, that dusky, spooky time when the shadows come down from the mountains and cover up the sunny slopes you preachers rave about. So up comes Bennett, and he got into the wrong cottage. First thing I knew, some one softly pushed open the door, and in walked Bennett at the front end of the long basket, the a.s.sistant trailing him in the rear. I felt kind of weak, so I just laid there until Bennett got beside me. Then I slowly rose up and put out one cold clammy hand and touched his. Bennett choked and the a.s.sistant yelled, and they dropped the basket and fled. I rang the bell and told the nurse to make that crazy undertaker come and get the right corpse that was patiently waiting for him, and she called him on the telephone. Nothing doing. A corpse that didn't have any better judgment than that could stay in bed until doomsday for all of him. So they had to get another undertaker. But Bennett told her to get the basket and he would send the a.s.sistant after it. But I held it for ransom, and Bennett had to pay me two dollars for it.”

His auditors wiped their eyes, half ashamed of their laughter.

”It is funny,” said Nancy Tucker, ”but it seems awful to laugh at such things.”

”Awful! Not a bit of it,” declared Barrows. ”It's religious. Doesn't it say in the Bible, 'Laugh and the world laughs with you, Die and the world laughs on'?”

”I laugh,--but I am ashamed of myself,” confessed Carol.

”What do women want to spoil a good story for?” protested Nevius.