Vol 2 Chapter 4 (2/2)
“Why would you even?!”
In order to leave the s.h.i.+na sisters to their own world, I faced the president and Chizuru-san.
Chizuru-san faced me with a suspicious smile. She initiated eye contact.
(You’ve done well, Key-kun…)
(Ooh! Y, you noticed……?)
(Just who do you think I am? I can see through your clowning around in an attempt to distract Minatsu.) (5)
(Oooh…… You see…… Chizuru-san……)
(Don’t worry. I won’t say a word.)
(Th, thank you very much.)
(…… Hey, Key-kun. I actually find that part of you quite-)
–
“Hey, Chizuru! Sugisaki! What are you suspiciously staring around at?!”
–
Chizuru-san looked like she was going to say something serious, but she was interrupted by the president’s annoying cries.
I let out a single sigh before smiling at the president.
“Oho? Are you jealous, Prez?”
“WHA- O, of course not! It’s just that the s.h.i.+na sisters were off in their own world, and then you and Chizuru went off in your own, so I felt left out for some reason!”
“Ah. Well Prez is left out in the first place. From the student council that is.”
“So cruel!”
“No, you might even be left out from the whole school.”
“Why did you correct yourself to something even more horrible?!”
“Actually Aka-chan, you’re the black sheep of this world.”
“Even Chizuru is joining in on the attack?!”
As usual, Chizuru-san faced the president with a mischievous smile.
“…?”
Oh? Chizuru-san…… Was she actually kind of angry? Rather than her usual “Prez teasing,” this felt a bit more like a sulky attack…… I wonder why…
Well, since it was Chizuru-san, I probably wouldn’t understand no matter how much I thought, so it’s best not to mind.
The president became cutely angry, so I decided to step in.
“Prez, Prez.”
“…… What do you want, Sugisaki?”
“Wanna do it?” (6)
“NO I DON’T!”
“You can’t take a joke. Since it’s you, I thought I’d use an old meme……”
“Most readers won’t get that! And I’m pretty sure saying that to the opposite s.e.x is just s.e.xual hara.s.sment!”
“At this rate, I won’t be able to have skins.h.i.+p with Prez any more……”
“How do you only have a few options?! There have got to be other methods!”
(Other methods………… ninety percent of them will get me labeled as a s.e.x offender, but I wonder if that’s fine? It should be fine…)
“You definitely thought something 18+ just now, didn’t you?!”
“Sorry. I’m an awkward man who can’t do anything but s.e.xually hara.s.s a girl I come in contact with.”
“That’s not being awkward anymore, that’s a sickness in itself!”
“That said, is it alright if I touch your chest?”
“No, you can’t! I mean, what are you talking about?!”
“It’s not like they’ll shrink……”
“You’ve become the s.e.xual-hara.s.sing guy you said you’d be!”
“It can’t be helped. In that case, your panties, please. Your panties.”
“Why are you making it sound like you’re compromising?!”
“Eh? Are your panties no good?”
“Why do you look confused? Of course they’re off limits!”
“What a toughly defensive maiden……”
“So by your standards, a normal girl would happily hand over her panties?!”
“Fine, enough about panties. How about your bra inst…… ah, sorry.”
“Even I wear a bra! Don’t give me such a pitying look!”
“……Forgive me, Prez. I got a bit ahead of myself.”
“It just feels wrong if you apologize that much all of a sudden!”
“I won’t s.e.xually hara.s.s you any more.”
“Ah, what’s with this reluctant apology?! Even though it’s what I wanted! It’s exactly what I wanted!”
The president held her head in her arms and groaned…… It’s definitely worth teasing her. If there was a “Teasable President Champions.h.i.+p” TV show, she would undoubtedly be at the top.
In order to give the president a short while to recover, I spent time gossiping with Chizuru-san.
“Chizuru-san, has anything interesting happened to you lately?”
“Key-kun…… what’s with the clichéd question as if you were stuck in a conversation and had to say something?”
With a sigh, Chizuru-san neatly fixed her uniform’s collar.
“Sorry. It sorta just came to me.”
“Well, I suppose that happens. It’s one of those icebreakers like ‘The weather sure is nice today,’ that is there just as a placeholder.”
“Yeah, that’s true. Let’s see……. ‘How’s it going?’ is also used pretty often.”
“That one is pretty troublesome. Though I usually respond with ‘what do you mean how?’”
“But it’s also troubling if you respond with that. It’s like, ‘It’s just a saying…….’”
“Though at that point, the conversation loses all momentum. There have been too many things going on in j.a.pan lately. You have to narrow it down to one of those to start talking about it.”
“Like what, for example?”
“Let’s see……”
Chizuru-san brought her finger to her lip and thought for a while. She seemed to have an idea, smiled, and opened her mouth.
“How about… ‘What do you think about a guy like……Tanaka Yos.h.i.+o, male, 31 years old, single, lives in Kanagawa prefecture. Occupation, system engineer. Working hours are the flexible timeframe of 12 noon to 9 in the evening (with a one hour break in between). Despite this, he frequently works overtime and comes home late every night. He was basically in love with his job.’”
“That’s way too narrow! Moreover, I don’t know what to think!”
“How about keeping the conversation’s momentum? Like ‘Ah, sounds like he’s putting too much towards his work.’ Or maybe ‘He really ought to distance himself from his job. That way he can try other things.’”
“I don’t care about any fictional character like Tanaka Yos.h.i.+o!”
“Oh dear…… how disappointing.”
“What I find disappointing is your way of thinking……”
“Then……Yes, how about, ‘So, are you interested in…… exchange killers?’”
“Forget narrowing it down, that’s just scary!”
“If you went along with it, the conversation would definitely have momentum.”
“Yeah, a conversation for a terrible criminal plot!”
“I’ve used that one quite often though……”
“You’ve used it?! I really want to know under what circ.u.mstances that happened, but I feel like I shouldn’t ask!”
“……………… It was a very tough time……”
“Please don’t give such a distant look! I won’t be able to trust you anymore, Chizuru-san!”
“There’s no need to worry. My hands haven’t been stained.”
“That makes it sound like someone else’s have!”
“……………… Heheh.”
“So scaryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!”
“Exchange killers are definitely the best conversation icebreakers.”
“What makes you think that?! It’s just life-destroying gossip!”
“Dear me…… All you’ve been doing is talking back, Key-kun. Alright then…… Let’s think of an icebreaker that you would prefer.”
“Yes, please.”
“Yes………… how about ‘It’s getting hard to hold back my s.e.xual desires, so I might go a.s.sault a girl…… want to come with? (smirk)’”
“Just how much do you want me to be a criminal?! I mean, do you really think that lowly of me?!”
“I thought it was a perfect icebreaker for you too……”
“So mean! Among all the verbal abuse you throw at me, I think this has been the meanest!”
“Key-kun, if you proposed that sort of conversation…… I don’t believe I could refuse.”
“Why would I even ask you that in the first place?! Are you saying you would a.s.sault a girl too?!”
“…………heheh.”
Chizuru-san sent a fleeting glance towards the president with a smile. The president must’ve sensed something, because she suddenly began trembling…… come on now.
“This student council is just full of yuri!”
“Oh, don’t be mistaken, Key-kun. I…… am bi!”
“And she comes out with such pride!”
“If you drew out a character relations.h.i.+p chart, I would have ‘LOVE’ pointed at all of the student council members in bold.”
“That’s even more inconsistent than me!”
“Well, the point is, I’m fine with anything when it comes to getting me stimulated.”
“Chizuru-san, you’re actually a more dangerous person than I am!”
“Oh, now that’s not true. Under your wolf-like gaze, I’m always excited…… I mean afraid, you know? I’m just a frail girl.”
“You definitely said ‘excited’ just now! You corrected yourself too late, you clearly said it!”
“Key-kun is so scary☆”
“Enough with the ☆already!”
“Akaba☆Chizuru”
“Just how far is the ☆ fad going to go in this student council?!”
I panted heavily…… I screwed up. I shouldn’t have tried to gossip with Chizuru-san. She was an opponent I couldn’t hope to match at my current level. This is bad…… Retorting really tires me out. It’s best to just mess around with the president or Minatsu. Since dealing with Chizuru-san was wearing me out, I looked around the student council room to see if anyone else would be willing to waste time talking with me.
The president…… wouldn’t make eye contact with me. Seems like she still hasn’t recovered from that earlier exchange.
Naturally, Chizuru-san was out of the question.
That left the s.h.i.+na sisters, but……
“You understand, Mafuyu? Guys like Sugisaki Ken are already beyond all help. They’re the worst. You can’t sympathize with them no matter what.”
“……. Sugisaki-senpai…… is the worst……”
Minatsu was imprinting words onto the empty-eyed Mafuyu-chan…… She was completely brainwashed. Since it was forced, I quickly jumped in to stop her.
“Hey now, Minatsu. Don’t you think you’re going too far? At this rate, when Mafuyu-chan wakes up, she’ll try to destroy me……”
“Heheh…… That would be pretty interesting to see…”
“No, it wouldn’t! Minatsu, you have a dangerous look in your eyes!”
“Awakened Mafuyu VS Bankai Sugisaki Ken…… it should be a good fight!”
“Don’t go awakening your little sister! And why can I suddenly use Bankai?!”
“Eh? Ken, could it be…… you can even transform into an Arrancar?”
“Of course not! In the first place, I’m not a s.h.i.+nigami!” (7)
“You say that, but you should be able to flash step……”
“Like I said, no I can’t! Besides, can the readers even follow this anymore?”
“Whatever. Everything…… will begin with Mafuyu’s awakening! Rise, Awakened Mafuyu! Rise and destroy the world!”
“Hey, you’ve already gone and changed your goals!”
With Minatsu’s shout, life returned to Mafuyu-chan’s eyes bit by bit.
And once her eyes regained their brightness…… She mechanically turned towards me and her eyes snapped open.
“Enemy, identified. Commencing attack.”
“Her character’s been completely changed! Her personality has been shattered!”
“For the sake of optimizing her battle power…… it had to be done!”
“Just what the h.e.l.l do you think your sister is?!”
“Ooh, Ken! That was a pretty cool line! Like a hot-blooded protagonist going against a mad scientist!”
“This isn’t the time to say things like – huh ? Whoa!”
As I was arguing with Minatsu, a ruler flew past, grazing the nape of my neck at a high speed. It stabbed into the wall, and the president and Chizuru-san’s faces went pale. At the same time, a single stream of blood flowed down my neck.
“…………”
Silence.
I looked at Mafuyu-chan.
“Calculation error: three centimeters, five millimeters. Correcting. Next round, loaded.”
As she said that, I took pens out of my pencil case and began swinging them around at Mafuyu-chan, who aimed at my neck.
In an instant, the student council room transformed into a battlefield.
“Waaaaaaaaaaah?!”
In haste, the president, Chizuru-san and I jumped out of our seats, and with a shriek ran to hid in a corner of the room.
Only Minatsu’s eyes glittered with excitement as she cried out in awe.
“You’re awesome, Mafuyu!”
“You’re just fine with being ‘awesome?!’ Do something about this, d.a.m.n it! What the h.e.l.l’s with this turn out?!”
“Since she’s my little sister, I figured she had potential…… but to think it would be this much…… Your sister is moved!”
“Before being moved, fix this!”
“Go, Mafuyu! Now is the time to release your true power!”
“Why does it have to be now?! I don’t understand why it’s necessary at this point!”
“Understood. s.h.i.+fting to stage two combat mode…… Battle power up by two hundred percent.”
“I feel like she’s beyond any control now!”
As I trembled, behind me, Chizuru-san took the opportunity to hug the scared president to calm her down.
“Don’t you worry, Aka-chan. The one who will deliver the final blow to you…… will be me!”
“There’s an enemy here too?! Waah! Aaahh! Save me, Sugisakiiiiiii!”
“Heheheheheheheh……”
“Sugisakiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!”
Behind me, something amazing was going down, but…… Sorry Prez. I can’t do that right now.
Before my eyes was a powered up Mafuyu-chan who was after my head.
Next to her was Minatsu, who continued to laugh loudly.
Behind me was the completely changed Chizuru-san and the pleading president.
–
(What do I do?! Just what the h.e.l.l do I do?!)
–
I held three cards in my hands.
–
The choices were…… “Fight,” “Run,” and……
–
“d.a.m.n, in that case, this is the only thing I can do!”
–
This time the t.i.tle was “The Resting Student Council.”
That means, from the start there shouldn’t have been a punch line.
That’s exactly why…… I will make this choice!
–
I used the last option…… from the three cards that I had.
–
“No one remembers how the story ended. Next time we will start as if nothing had happened.”
–
And so.
–
See you next week~!
TRANSLATOR’S NOTES
(1) More accurately, she said “Life has mountains and valleys!”
(2) NEET is an originally British acronym standing for “Not in Employment, Education, or Training.” Also, Sugisaki originally uses the word “doutei” referring to male virginity, while Minatsu protests for him to use “shojo” referring to female virginity.
(3) Krillin (Kuririn) from Dragonball Z is said to be the strongest of the earthlings, but he, along with the other earthlings never get to be useful in a fight in the end.
(4) Ken used the word “donburi” which refers to a meal usually consisting of some sort of meat, fish, or vegetables topping a bowl of rice. In this case, he means he wanted to have them as a s.e.xy meal.
(5) Chizuru says “Watas.h.i.+ wo dare da to omotteiru no?” This would be unremarkable, except for the fact that she uses “watas.h.i.+ wo” used in Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann instead of the grammatically correct “watas.h.i.+ wa.”
(6) Yaranaika?
(7) Bankai, Arrancar, and s.h.i.+nigami (or Soul Reaper for some) all terms referencing Bleach.
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