Vol 1 Chapter 4.1 (2/2)
I said that and then smiled… as I thought, she was a good girl. The student council president, Sakurano Kurimu. She wouldn’t blame me for my past. In return, she would work for the sake of my present and future.
… If we were just talking about pretty girls, there were plenty more of those. If we were talking about simple ability, Chizuru-san had plenty of that to spare. However, even though Chizuru-san was also pretty, the majority of the student body voted for Sakurano Kurimu as the student council president. And that reason was… well, if you just spent a few minutes by her side, it became abundantly clear.
The other members of the student council saw her appeal as well. Before I realized it, everyone else had already returned to their normal selves. Chizuru-san, Minatsu, and Mafuyu-chan had all gone back to their usual expressions.
“M, Mafuyu also thinks that Sugisaki-senpai should be a bit more careful!”
“That’s right, Ken. You chase pretty girls all the time, don’t you? It’s not just here, is it? It’s no wonder people have been gossiping about you.”
“Seeing you get caught up with something like this is quite disappointing, Key-kun. If you want to create and keep a harem, you have to be a bit more on your guard.”
Everyone seemed to have agreed not to press me for more information on my two-timing… you could say they were being considerate, but that was a bit wrong. Rather, the minute I said that I didn’t want to touch the topic, they no longer touched it. Talking about it was no longer even an option.
In other words, this was the type of group the student council was. If someone refused to do something, n.o.body would try to pry too deep. It was an implicit understanding amongst us in the student council. That was precisely why I could always feel comfortable here. It was like being in warm water. And what was wrong with that? Warm water, escapism… it was all perfectly fine, wasn’t it? In fact, I’ve been saved by that kind of comfort time and time again.
In the midst of a harsh and cruel world, this student council was a nice source of warmth.
I gave the others a smile and spoke in my usual way.
“Well, looks like you got me. If everyone wants me that badly, then I’ll try not to trip up on boring things like this.”
“No, it’s not like we mind if Sugisaki disappears. It’s more about the student council’s image.”
“Fufufu, I know exactly what you mean, Prez. I’m all too aware of how much of a tsun you-“
“No, I’m completely serious.”
“…………..”
U, Umm… everyone is supposed to be a nice person here, right? It wasn’t just my imagination, right?
Everyone had dark glints in their eyes… U, um, I’m needed here, right? At the end of the day, we had good relations.h.i.+ps with each other… and relied on each other, right? This wasn’t just my optimism… right? This was a warm place, right? This feeling that I had just stumbled into the women’s bathroom and was getting chased out… it was just my imagination, right?
I was getting pretty scared, so I hurriedly continued talking.
“Well, for this reform… exactly what are we going to do?”
At my question, the president crossed her arms. How cute. When a loli girl acted like she was an adult by crossing her arms and thinking deeply about something… it didn’t get me aroused, but … it was definitely moe!
Ahh, why was the only word that could describe what I was feeling right now such an otaku word?! I couldn’t help but get frustrated at that!
“Sugisaki. First, we have to get rid of that stupid expression you put on when you’re thinking about something perverted.”
The president looked at me with scornful eyes.
“But I’m always thinking about things seriously!”
“And the things you think about so seriously are always perverted!”
“H-How do you know what I think about?!”
“Rather, it’d be strange if we didn’t know about it! It’s pretty clearly written on your face!”
“W-What did you say?! You’re saying that my perfectly handsome facial expression broke down?!”
“Stop acting like you’re overly self-conscious!”
“Eeeehh?!”
“And cut it out with the Masuo-san reactions!” (2)
“Joder!” (3)
“Don’t just start randomly acting like a foreigner!!”
“Oh, woe is me!”
“Stop making it overly dramatic!”
“… But… I’m the protagonist…”
“Protagonist of what?!”
“This eroge… Conquest of the Harem Student Council: Vice President~~, Eat~, Me~, Please~~!”
“You think this world is the setting to that kind of game?!”
“Yeah, and I’m on the Prez’s route right now. You have to start with the one who seems like the main heroine, right?”
“… T, Those kinds of insane ideas are also forbidden!”
“What?! But if you do that, this story gets really normal!”
“Exactly what have you been worrying about all this time?!”
The president ran out of steam. She collapsed onto the table. She sure wore herself out today.
Having defeated the president, I was now faced with the main event. It was Chizuru-san’s turn. She brushed a hand through her long hair and looked at me with belligerent eyes. c.r.a.p… those were the eyes of a s.a.d.i.s.t.
“Reforming Key-kun will definitely not be an easy task.”
“U, Umm… Ch, Chizuru-san, do you have any good ideas?”
“Yes. First… well, alright. We’ll modify these ‘Line of Sight Detector’ gla.s.ses I had the Science Club make and I’ll have you wear them. Every time Key-kun looks at a girl’s b.r.e.a.s.t.s, he’ll be immediately shocked…”
“What time period did that method of torture come from?!”
“It was ancient Greece, in a certain place…”
“Sparta, right?! That’s from Sparta, isn’t it?!”
“Oh my, how upsetting. I’d rather you see it as love’s whip. It’s a whip, you know, a whip. A pretty girl’s whip.”
“Even I wouldn’t get aroused by something like that!!”
“Well, I suppose there’s no helping it then…… shall we move onto my second idea?”
“Is there a second idea?”
“Yes. First, we hypnotize you so that you feel an indescribable sense of terror every time you look at a girl, and-“
“Let’s move onto the third idea!”
“Well, then we start by castrating you-“
“Uwaaah! These are getting more inhumane by the second!”
I crumbled to the floor… scary! Chizuru-san was scary!
Seeming completely satisfied with having tormented me to pieces, Chizuru-san let out a sigh of pleasure, took out a textbook, and began to study. To be honest, more than anybody else in this student council, Chizuru-san just did what she wanted.
When Chizuru-san backed off, the s.h.i.+na sisters’ eyes began to sparkle, almost as if they had been waiting for this moment.
“M, Mafuyu also has a few ideas!”
“I got some too! I call them the Sugisaki Ken Reform Plan!”
The s.h.i.+na sisters leaned in towards me. No matter what they were going to say, I wasn’t the type of person who could refuse pretty girls. Half-resigned, I opened my mouth.
“Well, I guess I can use them as a reference…”
Suddenly, the s.h.i.+na sisters began to alternate and shoot ideas at me.
“I, I think that first, Sugisaki-senpai should make his schoolbag pink!”
“Exactly what kind of character is Mafuyu-chan trying to turn me into?!”
“Nah, he should be more macho-like. You know, get a schoolbag with iron plating and wear schoolboy uniforms with the long jackets.” (4)
“I really think Minatsu has the wrong idea of what it means to be ‘macho’!”
“Alright… done! I attached a lot of cell phone straps on your cell phone!”
“Why are they all from h.e.l.lo K*tty?! Is this really the right way to go if you want to reform me?!”
“Hey, Ken! From now on, you should call yourself ‘banchou!’” (5)
“That doesn’t even count as reform anymore!”
“… Alright… done! Senpai, ahem. Mafuyu is pretty confident in her sewing skills!”
“Hey, why did you go and sew a bear into my uniform without asking me?!”
“… Ah, great, please do that. Alright… hey Ken! I did it! You’re going to be fighting the banchou of Otobuki High School next Tuesday!”
“How can you tell me that as if I was going to a practice basketball match?! I don’t want to! Also, trying to get me to fight people from other schools is like anti-reform!”
“Senpai senpai! Please read this! It’ll help a lot!”
“What is it? ‘Private Pretty Boy High School ~I’m the Seme and He’s the Uke~’… (6) Seriously, exactly what kind of character is Mafuyu-chan trying to turn me into?!”
“Hey, Ken, what should we do about your logo? For now, all I’ve decided is that we’re going to be called the ‘Keyboard Alliance,’ (7) but…”
“Exactly what are you trying to do to me?! Stop it with the ‘Keyboard Alliance’ and all that! You might look pretty pleased with yourself, but just because ‘Ken’ is the ‘banchou’ is not a good reason to name it the ‘Keyboard Alliance’!”
“…… Wah.”
“You over there, stop reading the ‘Private Pretty Boy High School’ book you brought here and getting aroused!”
“Ahh, looks like we’re going to need a bigger budget. We’ll need an original set of bra.s.s knuckles, and some group flags…”
“You, get out of the student council!”
“Mafuyu thinks… Mafuyu thinks that Sugisaki-senpai would be nice as an uke!”
“What?! Mafuyu-chan, don’t you think you’re getting off track?!”
And then, after all that, I finally ran out of steam. My breathing became labored and I sprawled out on top of the table… those s.h.i.+na sisters… even one of them was bad enough. But when both of them went on the offensive at the same time, n.o.body could stop them. And what’s more, even though their personalities were the complete opposites of each other, they seemed strangely in synch… I really doubted there was a single person on this Earth who could survive retorting back and forth from one to the other like they were riding some pendulum from h.e.l.l.
The two sisters were still going on and on, but I just left them alone and took a break… Mafuyu-chan had gotten out a laptop, and began writing something “Sugisaki-senpai’s… heart began to beat… faster…” she started to mumble, but I ignored her. As for Minatsu, she had begun to measure my waist… she seemed incredibly intent on making me one of those schoolboy uniforms… but I ignored her too.
In the end, my conclusion was this:
–
“Whether or not you reform me or whatever, isn’t everyone else in this student council a weirdo anyways…?”
–
Only the president ended up reacting to my words. Seeming to have regained her energy, she sprung up from the desk.
“That’s not funny! I’m completely normal!”
“Prez, it doesn’t count if you say that yourself.”
“Ugh… E-Everyone! I’m normal, right?!”
And the student council president, Sakurano Kurimu, went and asked everyone the same question that I, Sugisaki Ken, had asked just a while ago!
And in the end, the result was…!
“………”
A minute later, the president sunk into despair. Well, that’s how the world worked. The people who thought of themselves as normal appeared to be strange to the people around them.
And vice versa, the people who thought they stood out amongst the crowd were really the least likely to be noticed.
… Reform, huh?
I mumbled haltingly.
“If being reformed means losing your individuality… then I’m starting to feel that it’s fine to just stay the way I am.”
“………”
The president looked at me with dead eyes. Chizuru-san also looked up from her textbook, and the s.h.i.+na sisters stopped their rampage and looked at me.
I continued.
“It’s not just me. All the people in this student council are a bit weird in the head, aren’t they?”
“Hey, wait, I just told you I’m normal…”
The president stood up, and began to voice her objections, but I looked around at all the other members with a full smile on my face.
–
“But I love each and every one of the weird people here.”
–
“………”
The president faltered, almost as if she had gotten the wind knocked out of her. And then, for some reason, she blushed and cleared her throat. She then sat back down.
Chizuru-san and the s.h.i.+na sisters also gave me warm looks… yup, this felt nice. Now here’s my chance to attack!
“Even if the people in my harem have personality issues, as long as they have the looks there’s no problem at all! Ahh, look how generous I am! Alright, everyone! Don’t hesitate, and just leap into my chest!”
”………”
… Wha? Before I realized it, everyone had once again returned to what they were doing. The president still seemed as depressed as ever, Chizuru-san was reading her textbook, Minatsu was drawing the logo for the “Keyboard a.s.sociation” on a piece of paper, and Mafuyu-chan was reading “Private Bishounen High School” with her cheeks flushed.
………
… My my, they’re just not admitting it. G, Geez. This is why tsuns are so…
I let out a sigh… and then, I heard the president mumbling softly.
“… It’s fine. Sugisaki… is fine like he is.”
“? What did you say?”
“…… Nothing.”
The president sighed once more and sprawled herself back onto the desk. “Ahh, do other people really think I’m weird…?” I heard her mumble… hm? What had just happened? She said something back there but I couldn’t really hear it…
Ah, right. We had been talking about that article that the Newspaper Club had written, and I was being told to be more careful. But in the end, we couldn’t really come up with a plan…
“Umm, so exactly what should I do from now on?”
In response to my question, all the others glanced at me.
And then… everyone gave me a slight smile, but ignored my question and returned to what they had been doing.
… U, Umm… were they angry at me or something?
–
And in the end, on that day, we never came back to the topic of my reform again.
TRANSLATOR’S NOTES
(1) Reference to a rather famous (and freaky) novel Out, in which four housewives have to help one of them cover up the murder of her husband. Lots of cutlery involved.
(2) See Chapter 1-1 of this volume, Translator’s Note 8.
(3) He says “s.h.i.+t,” but in English. Considering this translation is in English, I went with a Spanish swear word instead.
(4) Something like this.
(5) Couldn’t find a concise English equivalent, but “banchou” refers to a sort of “gang leader” type of person in a school.
(6) In h.o.m.os.e.xual relations.h.i.+ps, uke means “receive” and seme translates literally as “attack.” You do the math.
(7) The first kanji in “keyboard” is in fact the same kanji you write “Ken” with. The second kanji in keyboard is “ban,” which obviously refers to “banchou.” Thus, this is a pun on “Ken is Banchou -> Kenban.”
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