Part 28 (1/2)
”Lady Halifax says,” he announced, taking immediate possession of Janet where she stood, and drawing her to a seat beside him on the lounge, ”that the least we can do by way of reparation is to arrange our wedding-trip in their society. She declares she will wait any reasonable time; but I a.s.sured her delicately that her idea of compensation was a little exaggerated.”
Janet looked at him with an, absent smile. ”Yes, I think so,” she said, but her eyes were preoccupied, and the lover in him resented it.
”What is it?” he asked. ”What has happened, dear?”
She looked down at an open letter in her hand, and for a moment said nothing. ”I don't know whether I ought to tell you; but it would be a relief.”
”Can there be anything you ought not to tell me?” he insisted tenderly.
”Perhaps, on the other hand, I ought,” she said reflectively. ”It may help you to a proper definition of my character, and then--you may think less of me. Yes, I think I ought.”
”Darling, for Heaven's sake don't talk nonsense!”
”I had a letter--this letter--a little while ago, from Elfrida Bell.” She held it out to him. ”Read it.”
Kendal hesitated and scanned her face. She was smiling now; she had the look of half-amused dismay that might greet an ineffectual blow. He took the letter.
”If it is from Miss Bell,” he said at a suggestion from his conscience, ”I fancy, for some reason, it is not pleasant.”
”No,” she replied, ”it is not pleasant.”
He unfolded the letter, recognizing the characteristic broad margins and the repressed rounded perpendicular hand with its supreme effort after significance, and his thought reflected a tinge of his old amused curiosity.
It was only a reflection, and yet it distinctly embodied the idea that he might be on the brink of a further discovery. He glanced at Janet again: her hands were clasped in her lap, and she was looking straight before her with smilingly grave lips and lowered lids, which nevertheless gave him a glimpse of retrospection. He felt the beginnings of indignation, yet he looked back at the letter acquisitively; its interest was intrinsic.
”I feel that I can no longer hold myself in honor,” he read, ”if I refrain further from defining the personal situation between us as it appears to me. That I have let nearly three weeks go by without doing it you may put down to my weakness and selfishness, to your own charm, to what you will; but I shall be glad if you will not withhold the blame that is due me in the matter, for I have wronged you, as well as myself, in keeping silence.
”Look, it is all here in a nutsh.e.l.l. _Nothing is changed_.
I have tried to believe otherwise, but the truth is stronger than my will. My opinion of you is a naked, uncompromising fact I cannot drape it or adorn it, or even throw around it a mist of charity. It is unalterably there, and in any future intercourse with you, such intercourse as we have had in the past, I should only dash myself forever against it. I do not clearly see upon what level you accepted me in the beginning, but I am absolutely firm in my belief that it was not such as I would have tolerated if I had known. To-day at all events I am confronted with the proof that I have not had your confidence--that you have not thought it worth while to be single-minded in your relation to me. From a personal point of view there is more that I might say, but perhaps that is d.a.m.ning enough, and I have no desire to be abusive.
It is on my conscience to add, moreover, that I find you a sophist, and your sophistry a little vulgar. I find you compromising with your ambitions, which in themselves are not above reproach from any point of view. I find you adulterating what ought to be the pure stream of ideality with muddy considerations of what the people are pleased to call the moralities, and with the feebler contamination of the conventionalities--”
”I _couldn't_ smoke with her,” commented Janet, reading over his shoulder. ”It wasn't that I objected in the least, but it made me so very--uncomfortable, that I would never try a second time.”
Kendal's smile deepened, and he read on without answering, except by pressing her finger-tips against his lips.
”I should be sorry to deny your great cleverness and your pretensions to a certain sort of artistic interpretation.
But to me the _artist bourgeois_ is an outsider, who must remain outside. He has nothing to gain by fellows.h.i.+p with me, and I--pardon me--have much to lose.
”So, if you please, we will go our separate ways, and doubtless will represent, each to the other, an experiment that has failed. You will believe me when I say that I am intensely sorry. And perhaps you will accept, as sincerely as I offer it, my wish that the future may bring you success even more brilliant than you have already attained.” Here a line had been carefully scratched out. ”What I have written I have written under compulsion.
I am sure you will understand that.
”Believe me,
”Yours sincerely,
”ELFRIDA BELL.
”P.S.--I had a dream once of what I fancied our friends.h.i.+p might be. It is a long time ago, and the days between have faded all the color and sweetness out of my dream--still, I remember that it was beautiful. For the sake of that vain imagining, and because it was beautiful, I will send you, if you will allow me, a photograph of a painting which I like, which represents art as I have learned to kneel to it.”
Kendal read this communication through with a look of keen amus.e.m.e.nt until he came to the postscript. Then he threw back his head and laughed outright. Janet's face had changed; she tried to smile in concert, but the effort was rather piteous. ”Oh, Jack,” she said, ”please take it seriously.” But he laughed on, irrepressibly.
She tried to cover his lips. ”_Don't_ shout so!” she begged, as if there were illness in the house or a funeral next door, and he saw something in her face which stopped him.