Part 11 (1/2)
In truth, I had little hope of it, but it was bad enough that Constantius must drag a wife halfway across the Empire; he should not have to deal with an invalid. But deep down I understood that for any of the nostrums with which well-meaning people were plying me to work, I had to trulywant to get well.
In a few moments Philip was back, standing aside as an old woman came into the room. Even before I saw her face, senses long unused were sending a p.r.i.c.kle of shock across my skin. As the woman began to unwrap her basket, I realized it had beenrecognition .
One moment she was an old, bent woman in a tattered shawl, like a hundred others who came to sell their wares in the town. In the next, she had gathered the glamour around her, and stood in all her majesty before me, seeming almost too tall for the room. Philip's eyes widened.
”Lady-” Without thinking, I had risen to my feet, head bowed in salutation. Then anger flared through me and I straightened. ”What are you doing here !”
Philip, bless him, took a protective step forwards. I bit back my next words.
”I could ask the same question of you,” said Ganeda, ”shut away within these walls! We must talk.
Come out into the light and the air.”
”I have been ill-” I began, automatically on the defensive.
”Nonsense-you will never be better if you curl up like a lapdog! Come!” a.s.suming obedience, she started through the door.
Eldri jumped down from the couch, growling faintly, and my lips twitched in the beginnings of a smile. At least in the atrium we would be less likely to be overheard. Motioning to Philip to stay inside, I picked up my shawl and followed her.
”So, what have I done to deserve this honour?” I asked dryly, seating myself on a stone bench and indicating that Ganeda should do the same.
”Stayed alive...” the High Priestess answered starkly. ”The plague has come to Avalon.”
I stared at her in horror. How could that be possible? The holy isle was separated from the world.
”A girl from Londinium was sent to us for training. She was ill by the time she arrived. We did not recognize the sickness, and by the time word of the plague had reached us it was too late to stop the contagion. Four of the maidens and six of the senior priestesses have died.”
I licked dry lips. ”Not Dierna?”
Fractionally, Ganeda's grim expression lightened. ”No. My granddaughter is well.” I listened as she gave the names of those who had succ.u.mbed, women with whom I had shared the unique intimacy of ritual, some who had cared for and taught me, and others whom I had taught in turn... and Aelia.
I shut my eyes against the tears I could feel leaking out beneath my eyelids, drawing hot tracks across my cheeks. If I had not left Avalon I could have nursed her, I thought numbly. I had saved Philip, for whom I felt no more than kindness, surely my love would have kept Aelia in the world. Or perhaps the plague would have taken me too. In that moment both fates seemed equally desirable.
”I thank you for coming to tell me...” I said at last.
”Yes, I know you loved her,” the priestess answered tersely, ”but that is not why I have come. You are needed by Avalon.”
At that, my eyes flew open. ”How... generous...” Through stiff lips I got out the words. ”You are desperate, so now you will welcome me back again!” I rose to my feet, the shawl slipping from my shoulders, and began to pace back and forth along the path. ”No.” I turned to face her. ”You severed my link to Avalon. During that first moon, when the wound was yet bleeding, you might have called me back again. Now there is only a scar.”
Ganeda shrugged impatiently. ”The link can be restored. It is your duty to return.”
”Duty!” I exclaimed. ”What about my duty to Constantius?”
”He has no legal authority over you, nor are you linked in the flesh since you have lost the child-”
”Is that all you can understand?” I cried, hands crossed protectively before my empty womb. ”What of the bonds that link the heart and the soul?What of the prophecy ?”
”Do you think that justifies your rebellion?” Ganeda sniffed scornfully. ”A simple attack of l.u.s.t would have been more forgivable, my dear-”
”I don't need your forgiveness! I don'twant it!” I could hear my voice rising, and fought for control. ”You had the right to banish me, but not to jerk me back and forth like a child's pull-toy on a string. It was you, not I, who cancelled my oaths to Avalon. Nor shall I break the vows I have sworn to Constantius. I lost this child, yes, but there will be another. I haveseen the babe in my arms!”
Ganeda contemplated me sourly. ”When we planned that ritual, Arganax calculated the movements of the stars. We know what they would have destined for a child conceived in that Beltane ritual. Who knows what the child you bear to Constantius will do? I tell you now that there may come a day when you wish he had never been born!”
I lifted one eyebrow and looked down at her. ”Oh-I see. It is wrong for me to set my will above yours, but you are perfectly justified in setting yours above that of the G.o.ds! Did you not teach us yourself that the Fates weave our lives as they will, not as you or I would have it? My son will not be the tool of Avalon!”
”Then you had better pray that he will at least know how to serve the G.o.ds!”
”Can you doubt it?” I exclaimed in my pride. ”He will be the son of the Restorer of the Light and a Priestess of Avalon!”
”I do not doubt the G.o.ds,” Ganeda answered very quietly, ”but a long life has taught me not to put my trust in men. I wish you well, daughter of my sister.” Leaning heavily on her staff she got to her feet, and now she looked truly old.
”Wait,” I said despite myself. ”You have had a long journey and I have offered you no refreshment-”
But Ganeda only shook her head. ”You shall be troubled no longer, either by me or by Avalon...”
I understood her words, but as I watched her go it seemed to me that the memory of this conversation would haunt me for a long time to come.
Whether it was because my healing was complete or Ganeda's challenge had stimulated me, I do not know, but from that time onward my energy began to return. I took a more active part in preparing to move the household, and when, a few days before we were scheduled to take s.h.i.+p for the continent, Conscantius mentioned that he had to ride out into the countryside to bid farewell to one of his father's cousins, I asked if I could come along.
As our sailing date approached, I found myself viewing Eburac.u.m with new eyes. I had not been there long enough to think of it as home, but it was nonetheless part of Britannia, which I was so soon to lose.
Still, the town itself was Roman, not British, and only along the river could I feel the spirits of the land. In the countryside, I would surely sense them more easily, and be able to make my farewells.
Constantius had rented a two-wheeled cart for the journey, drawn by the faithful red mule. The land here was low and rolling, rising gradually to the west, where mountains lay on the horizon, more sensed through the misty air than seen. On the second day we came to Isurium, the old tribal capital of the Brigantes, which was now a thriving market town. Isurium lay in the bend of the Abus, just before the road crossed the river once more.
Flavius Pollio had retired here after a successful career in Eburac.u.m and was now a magistrate. He was clearly delighted to show off his newly-built townhouse, particularly the mosaic of Romulus and Remus with the wolf which adorned his dining room floor.
”I see that your little dog appreciates fine artwork,” said Pollio, flipping a bit of roast mutton to Eldri, who had flopped down next to the mosaic of the b.i.t.c.h-wolf as if to join the twins in nursing from her dugs. I blushed.
”I am sorry-she always sits at my feet when we dine at home. She must have got out of our bedchamber-”
”No, no-let her stay. We are not formal here.” Pollio smiled at me. ”This is a country of G.o.ddesses and queens, and ladies have their privileges... Cartimandua, you know-” he added when I looked inquiring.
”She held the Brigante lands for Rome, even when her husband rebelled.” He shook an admonis.h.i.+ng finger at Constantius. ”Let that be a warning to you, my boy. A man is only strong when his wife is behind him!”
Now it was Constantius's turn to colour, always a notable sight with his fair skin. ”Then I must be Hercules,” he answered, but I shook my head.
”No, my dear, you are Apollo.”
He blushed even more brightly then, and I laughed.
When the meal was over, the two men retired to Pollio's study to go over the papers Constantius had come to see, and I took Eldri out for a walk through the town. After a day and a half of jolting in the cart and a heavy meal, I needed exercise, and soon found myself striding through the gate towards the open country beyond the town.
Here in the north country the day lingered longer than I was used to. A ground fog was rising from the fields, catching the sunset light so that it looked as if skeins of golden flax had been laid across the land.
Soon after I crossed the bridge I saw a cowpath leading away to the west and turned off the road. With Eldri to guide me I had no real fear of being lost, even if the mist should thicken as darkness fell.