Part 3 (1/2)

Ruby. my precious jewel, I have something very solemn to say while we are waiting to see the doctor.

Ruby. _(jumping up, excitedly)_ Pa, don't say you've brought us for the doctor to sound us.

Pearl. _(quietly, sitting still)_ He shan't sound _me!_

Plant. On the contrary, I've brought you to sound the _doctor_, _(pulls Ruby down again and sits r. of her on couch)_

Ruby. _(excitedly)_ What about?

Plant. You are aware that although we are strangers to Doctor Sheppard, he is our cousin.

Ruby. Second cousin, pa!

Pearl. On mother's side.

Ruby. Three times removed.

Plant. Well, well, let us hope he won't be so far removed in the future. I regret very deeply that we have never yet enjoyed the friends.h.i.+p of--er--_dear_ cousin Jack.

Pearl. You have frequently remarked, it was not worth while to cultivate _any_ of our poor relations.

Plant. _(hotly)_ Do you want your pocket money stopped? The fact is. Pearl. you're bringing my grey hairs----_(stroking his black locks)_

Pearl. _(quietly)_ Your what?

Plant. _(jumping up)_ I stop your pocket money for a month! Ooh!

_(puts his hand to his back)_ This lumbago is unbearable. When a man gets to my time of life----

Pearl. _(quietly)_ What time is it now?

Plant. _(hotly)_ I stop your pocket money for _three_ months!

Pearl. _(rises)_ Really, father, a solicitor should be more cautious. I meant to say the time is getting on, _(points to clock and crosses to couch--stands behind Ruby)_ and you have not yet informed us of the ”very solemn” something you have to say.

Plant. I accept your explanation--without prejudice. _(stands R.

of couch)_ I say when a man gets to my time of life--the future happiness of his offspring becomes an all-engrossing theme. You are aware that when exalted personages contemplate a matrimonial alliance, they neyer look outside the family. Living as we do, in so fas.h.i.+onable a resort as Southsea, we cannot be too --er--”tony” in such important matters. Now you are both--as I know, being your father--heart-free.

_(Pearl digs Ruby hard in the ribs.)_

Ruby. _(crying out)_ Oh!

Plant. How dare you interrupt me!

Ruby. I didn't, pa, it was----

Pearl. Sneak! _(pinching her arm)_ Ruby. It was nothing!

_(Pearl sits in big armchair.)_