Part 9 (1/2)

When they got into the house they were greeted by a short but very good-looking man and a pretty, pet.i.te woman. ”Thanks for staying with the kids,” Claudia said to them. ”Would you like that nightcap now?” ”No, I think Phil and I should get going,” the woman replied. ”Besides, your au pair already got us one.” Graham and Claudia exchanged bewildered glances, but let it slide. ”Good night, Carrie,” said Graham as he and Claudia went outside to walk Phil and his wife to their car.

A sort of heavy numbness settled in over Carrie as she dragged herself up the stairs. Who made those people a drink? she wondered tiredly, but she was too exhausted to care. Trudging down the hall to her room, she heard the phone ringing.

The phone was still jangling when she reached it. ”h.e.l.lo?” she answered.

It was Sam. ”Are you okay?” she asked.

”I don't know. I guess so. I'm not hurt or anything, if that's what you mean.”

”Oh, man! I was so worried about you. I hung around until almost two-thirty. I heard your voice on the phone machine, but I couldn't get it because I was upstairs with Chloe, who didn't feel so good.” ”What was the matter with her?”

asked Carrie.

”The old barfola. I think she just ate too much at that clambake. Anyway, here I have this kid with her head hanging over a bucket and I hear your voice, but I couldn't make out what you were saying. I got Chloe to sleep and I was about to listen to the tape when Graham and Claudia came in. I think they were with another couple.” ”Did you speak to them?” Carrie asked, confused.

”h.e.l.l no!” cried Sam. ”I didn't want to get you in trouble. I hid in a closet.”

”You what?” asked Carrie.

”Yeah. I was going to sneak out, but I ran into the other couple.” ”Did you make them a drink?” asked Carrie.

”I didn't know what else to do!” said Sam. ”It was, like, an awkward moment. So I made them a drink and then left. I thought I could sneak back home, but Jacobs caught me and was he ever ticked off! He's acting like he's my father or something, and he's going to ground me. He'll have a total fit if he finds me talking on the phone in the middle of the night. You're so lucky to have your own phone.” ”I may not have it for much longer,” said Carrie. ”Thanks a lot for staying. It was super-nice of you.” ”That's okay. You just owe me for the rest of your life, that's all. But tell me what happened.” Carrie told Sam the entire story. She was glad Sam had called. It was comforting to talk to a friend.

When Carrie was done, Sam let out a low whistle. ”Jeez-Louise,” she said, ”talk about your bad luck.” ”It wasn't bad luck, it was my own stupidity,” Carrie disagreed.

”Oh, stop hammering yourself,” Sam chided.

”What did you do that was so wrong? Did you smoke the dope?” ”No,” Carrie conceded. ”I did have a beer.” ”That's not the end of the world. Next time stick to soda, but you weren't loaded or anything.” ”No, I learned my lesson the last time,” said Carrie.

”So what else did you do that was so wrong?” ”I got undressed in front of half of Sunset IsIand.” ”Big mondo deal,” said Sam dismissively. ”It's not like everyone else had their clothes on. Give yourself a break, would you!” ”I hope Graham and Claudia feel the same way you do,” Carrie said, fighting to keep her eyes open.

”Yeah, me, too,” agreed Sam. ”Give me a call tomorrow and let me know how it goes.” ”I will,” said Carrie. ”Thanks again. You're a great friend.” ”I know,”

Sam agreed. ”Good luck.” Carrie undressed and slipped on a flowered cotton nightgown. It felt good to crawl into bed. Almost immediately she fell into a deep but troubled sleep. Police sirens, jails, and handcuffs whirled through her dreams. A naked mob chased her and she cried out to Billy for help, but he just stood on the side, gazing at her scornfully. Suddenly he burst out laughing. In her dream she looked down at herself and discovered she was wearing a clown costume and full clown makeup.

She pulled at the clown ruff around her neck, but it got tighter and tighter.

It was choking her. ”Help!” she cried out. ”Somebody please help me!” Carrie awakened with a start. For a moment she thought she was in her bed at home. Then she came fully awake and remembered where she was.

And what had happened the night before.

It was just dawn. Carrie climbed out of bed and stood at her open window. A cobalt-blue sky was streaked with brilliant, gold-flecked pink. The only sound was the lapping of the waves against the sh.o.r.e. Sunset Island was the most breathtaking place she'd ever seen. Sometimes she'd worried that it would be hard to leave in September. Now it looked as if she might be going home even sooner than that.

Turning to her desk, she took a piece of stationery from her top drawer.

Dear Josh, A lot has happened since I last wrote. Some good, some disastrous.

Due to the disastrous part-which I'll tell you about when I see you-I might be coming home sooner than I expected. If that happens, and I think it will, I want you to be prepared.

It's hard to say this because it might hurt your feelings. That's the last, last thing I want to do. But if I return, I'm pretty sure you and I won't be getting back together. Here's why. These last several weeks have shown me worlds I never dreamed existed. I realize that there's a lot I have to learn, and I won't learn it if I have you to rely on, the way I always have relied on you in the past.

What I'm trying to say is that it would be the most natural thing in the world to come home and go running back to you. You've always been so understanding, such a good friend. But if I did that I'd always feel that I couldn't stand on my own feet. Josh, you know me better than anyone else. That's why it kills me that I can't even explain to you what I feel inside. It's like there's this pa.s.sion in me to experience the whole world, but there's another side, _ too.

There's a little girl who wants to be safe and protected. I feel like the two sides are constantly at war and- Carrie rested her chin on her hand. Maybe she was laying too much on poor Josh. She'd rewrite the letter later. Returning to her bed, she was suddenly very tired again. As the sunrise washed across the room she stretched out and fell asleep.

When she awoke the second time, her digital clock read :. The sound of voices downstairs told her that the household was already awake. No use putting it off, she said to herself as she climbed out of bed. She might as well go downstairs and face Graham and Claudia now rather than later. Dressing and was.h.i.+ng up quickly, she headed down the hall. Before she was even to the stairs, she heard Claudia scolding Chloe.

”I've told you again and again, Chloe: Don't play with my clothes. They're not for dress-up. But that is not as bad as lying about it.” ”I'm not lying,” Chloe insisted.

”Chloe, no one else plays with my shoes and dresses but you. I gave you some old ones to play with, but you must leave Mommy's good things alone. Now please try to remember where you left those shoes.” Chloe burst into tears. ”But, Mommy ...” she began.

Carrie came down the stairs and saw Claudia kneeling in front of the tearful little girl. ”I took them,” Carrie said.

Claudia shot Carrie an aggravated look. ”You're not helping Chloe by-” ”I took your shoes,” Carrie repeated firmly.

”Why?” Claudia asked.

”I wanted to wear them out on a date,” Carrie confessed.

For a moment Claudia's face was blank. ”Then where are they?” she asked finally.

”I lost them.” ”Carrie! What is going on with you?” asked Claudia in an exasperated voice.

”I can't pay you for the shoes right now, but you can take it out of my salary every week. I was going to tell you, but I was hoping they'd turn up.” ”I hate to tell you this, Carrie,” said Claudia, ”but those shoes cost about what you're going to earn this summer. But, believe it or not, it's not the money that concerns me. I'm sure you realize we have lots of money. What bothers me is that I misjudged you so completely. You had us all fooled. Mr. Randolph a.s.sured me that you were the most reliable young woman at the entire au pair convention.

When I met you I believed him, too. Apparently you had us all fooled.”

Desperately, Carrie fought down the tears that welled up in her eyes. How could she explain to Claudia that the reliable person was the real Carrie? The new Carrie was the fake.

Or was it?

This was all too confusing. ”Am I fired?” she asked in a choked voice.

”I don't know,” Claudia replied. ”I haven't decided yet.”

Graham paced back and forth on the outside deck. Claudia sat at the picnic table with her hands folded in front of her. Carrie faced them tensely, sitting uneasily at the end of a lounge chair. The beautiful morning had given way to a day that was overcast and chilly. It seemed to Carrie that the day reflected her mood perfectly. Despite the weather, they'd come outside so that Ian and Chloe wouldn't hear the conversation.

”I've been trying to sort this out since last night,” said Graham. ”I agree with Claudia. The number-one sin was leaving the kids. Now Chloe tells me that Sam was here until we walked in. The fact that you didn't leave them counts strongly in your favor.” Should she tell them that she had left the kids once? Carrie decided not to push her luck. Silently she vowed never, never again to risk their being alone, not even for a minute. Of course, she might never be given the chance to take care of them again after today.

”It was still irresponsible of you, though,” said Claudia. ”We understand that you didn't plan to be arrested. But you knew Sam could only stay until a certain hour. A million things could have delayed you besides being arrested, and then the kids would have been all alone.” ”I realize that now,” Carrie said sincerely. ”I'm really sorry, I-” ”We're not letting you off the hook,” Graham interrupted. ”But I think Claudia and I have to take some of the blame here.”

Claudia looked at him sharply. Apparently she did not agree. ”How do you figure that?” she asked levelly.

”Carrie never knows when she's going to have off. She can't make pIans and that's probably not fair. Remember, we did tell her we weren't going out last night.” ”I know, but that's why we hired her,” Claudia objected. ”So we could have our freedom.” Drumming her fingers on the table, she cast a thoughtful look at Carrie. ”This date was a big deal for you, wasn't it?” ”I thought so at the time,” Carrie admitted.

”And you did ask us ahead of time,” Claudia conceded. ”We're a pretty unstructured family, but maybe we're going to have to have some rules.” For the first time, Carrie's hopes soared. If Claudia was making rules, then it meant she wasn't fired. Claudia had seemed much closer to firing her than Graham had.

Claudia proposed that Carrie have every Friday night and Sat.u.r.day afternoon off.

In addition, she could have off when she wasn't needed. Otherwise she was on call at all times. ”If we want to go out on a Friday we'll trade you a different night for it, but we'll have to give you two days' notice. Does that sound fair?” It did sound fair to Carrie, though she would have agreed to anything Claudia had suggested.