Part 18 (1/2)
”OK. Same deal, but I think your building is worth more than theirs. Say, 3,000p.?”
”Agreed, my lord!”
”Six hundred pence for yourself, yearly, and a twelfth of the surplus, with two hundred pence to your wife?”
”With honor, my lord!”
”Good. We'll swear you in right now.”
”But the sun is not up.”
”True ... But there is a full moon and that is more appropriate for an innkeeper. Agreed?”
So, under the moon, with a sleepy chamber maid and the night guard as witnesses, I swore in Tadeusz and his wife. I picked up another pot of wine and we went back to the table. The first order of business was to settle up my present bill, which I did. Then I gave Tadeusz 3,400p.
”Our first rule is that since I own the place, I shall lodge here free. Keep one room open for my own use.”
”The second change is the name of the inn. 'The Battle Axe' is entirely too stern. People go to inns because they need to enjoy themselves. We need a light, amusing name. We'll call it the 'Pink Dragon'. I have a wood carver across the street; he'll make a new sign.”
”Then, this room is too empty and cavernous. People like crowds. I want some curtains to divide the room in half, another set to divide the front half in half, and a third set so that only the front eighth is exposed. You are to open a set of curtains only when the s.p.a.ce before it is so crowded that people are b.u.mping into each other. Understood?”
”Yes, my lord.”
”All your present people are to be retained. No firing except for dishonesty.”
”Ali. There is the matter of certain salaries being in arrears.”
”None of that under socialism. They must be paid. Figure up the amount tomorrow. Oh, yes.
We'll need an accounting system. I'll send somebody to keep the books for here and the foundry.
You'll think it's a nuisance, but I insist on it. What else? Your pricing! This business of having to haggle over everything has to go. We'll have to work out a reasonable set of prices for everything.
Then we post those prices, and they are the same for everybody. No exceptions.”
”But what if one is conspicuously wealthy and--”
”No exceptions, not up or down. Then, entertainment. From supper until late, I want some music in here. A single musician at a time will do, and hire them for only a week at a time. See what people like. And waitresses; we'll need half a dozen of them. They must be well paid, since we want the best. Say, four pence a week with another eight pence set aside for their dowries. We'll have a turnover problem. We want the six best-looking maidens available. They must be pretty.”
”What! You would turn my inn into a brothel?”
”To the contrary. They must all be virgins and stay that way. See to it yourself.”
”My wife would object.”
”Then have your wife see to it. Part of her job will be to see to their morality. They must live here at the inn, in some of your back rooms. Customers may look but not touch. See that they are properly barricaded.” ”Look?”
”Yes. They'll need some special costumes.” With a fingertip and wine, I sketched out what I had in mind on the worn wooden table. ”We'll have to get the woodcarver and a leather worker to do the high heeled shoes. I can show somebody local how to do the stockings, but later they can come from Okoitz.” ”You want them dressed as rabbits?”
”The people will like it. Then there is the matter of advertising. It seems that I have considerable notoriety in Cieszyn, or at least my name does. I've been busy at the bra.s.s works, and I haven't met very many people here. But in a week or two, once we get this set up, I want you to hire some old women. They are to wander around and tell about how Sir Conrad Stargard, the killer of the Black Eagle, left the ladies of the castle to move into a notorious inn where beautiful women are scantily clothed. That should get some action going.” ”It will get good Christians at my door with pikes and torches!” ”Good. Let them in. Sell them some beer. If they are really organized, let the leaders verify the virginity of the waitresses. No problem.” ”Uh ... all this is going to cost money, my lord.”
”Right. Here is two thousand pence to cover it. Keep a careful reckoning. Well, it grows late. I bid you good night.” I took the half pot of wine to my room. The full moon was halfway to setting.
G.o.d, it was late. The next day I overslept dinner and caught a late, cold breakfast in the kitchen.
My head hurt, and I had these horrible thoughts about what I had done. People were cold, people were hungry, the Mongols were coming, and I was wasting valuable resources starting a thirteenth- century bunny club. Oh G.o.d, my head hurt.
Thinking drunkenly with my gonads instead of my frontal lobes, I had screwed up again. I tried to leave the inn quietly, hoping to avoid the innkeeper, but no such luck.
”Sir Conrad! At last you are up; I was growing worried! I have followed your orders; already the word is out that I search for the six most beautiful maidens in Cieszyn! I have explained our need to the wood-carver, and he will be available tomorrow. But he wishes, of course, to discuss the matter with you.” ”Uh ... Yes ... I'll talk with him. You realize that for various reasons our advertising and my relations.h.i.+p with my liege lord-it would be best if my name is not connected with all of this.”
”But we must say, in rumors, that you stay here, my lord.” Tadeusz really liked having a lord protector.
”Of course. But don't tell anyone that I have any owners.h.i.+p in the place. Swear the witnesses to secrecy.”
”As you wish, my lord.”
”Hey, the rumor campaign won't work if they know that I own the Pink Dragon.” ”As you wish.
I have talked with a seamstress. She will have no difficulties with most of the costumes-think; it will be like a continual carnival!-but she wants help with the stockings.”
I didn't accomplish much at the foundry that afternoon, and when I got back for supper, the inn was packed. Word had gotten out that the most beautiful maidens in the city would be there. Fully a hundred young males showed up to see what was happening, along with some thirty young hopefuls. I was embarra.s.sed, and the innkeeper expected me to do the choosing.
Stalling for time, I said, ”Are you sure that all of them are virgins? Have your wife check it.” I ate a meal and drank a pot of wine at the small table that had been reserved for me. I had in mind that his wife should simply ask them, but she felt obligated to actually check for an intact hymen.
She pa.s.sed fourteen of them. How many left because they were embarra.s.sed, I don't know.
Apparently, room and board was good wages for a maid. Twelve pence a week on top of that was fabulous.
”And now will you choose the six, my lord?”
Well, one of them was attractive, up to Krystyana's standards. The rest of them were hopeless ducklings, and I felt sorry for them. ”No. Let the crowd choose one of them. You talk to them.
Have them choose the best five, then the best two, and then a final vote.” It seemed the fairest way, and it didn't get me involved.
”But only one?”
”Just do it all again for five more days. Remember what I said about entertainment? Well, this is entertainment.”
They took in four hundred pence that night, and afterwards the crowds got bigger.
A week later, as I ate dinner, I got a visit from a local priest, a Father Thomas. I offered him wine, but he refused and immediately got down to business. ”I am worried about your actions, my son, and about your soul.”
”But why, Father?”
”You have been responsible for the hiring of young women-virtuous, Christian women from good families--and parading them half naked in a brothel.” ”A brothel? By no means, Father! They are waitresses at a good inn, which is the farthest thing from a brothel. They live most virtuous lives, on threat of dismissal! There is no convent that protects its nuns better than we protect our waitresses.”
”Aside from the morality of it-and both the innkeeper and I are moral men-aside from it, I say, running a common stews would be bad for business. There are a lot of them in your parish, and they aren't very profitable.” ”That others sin is well known. They are not the subject of this conversation.” ”But why don't you try to do something about the real fleshpots? Why come to an honest inn?”
”The fleshpots, as you appropriately call them, are sanctioned by their own guild and to a certain extent by the law, if not by the Church. What you are doing is new and is best nipped in the bud.”