Part 24 (2/2)
I sit down in the chair and clasp my hands between my knees. I resolve to be ready for anything. Anything at all.
Zach is silent. He stares down at his feet.
Okay, I think. He wants me to talk first. That's not a lot to ask. ”Listen,” I say. ”I'm sorry about-”
”I know.”
”Really. I am.”
He nods, glances at me, and looks away. ”Yeah. I know.”
”How are you?” I ask.
”Um...yeah... I'm... I don't know.”
It's not much of an answer, but I'll sit here all afternoon just to breathe the same air he does if he'll let me.
He fidgets before forcing his fingers to unclench. Those steel blue eyes lock with mine again. The intensity is still there. My insides quake under the force of that gaze, but his posture is despondent.
”I a.s.sume you want to yell at me,” I say.
”No.”
”Not even a little?”
He shakes his head. ”No.”
”Then what?”
He chews his lip and looks, for all the world, just as lost as he did the night we chased down his contract with Aidan. His confidence is gone and he's just scared and alone. ”Was it real for you? What we had?”
”The friends.h.i.+p or...”
”Or...yeah.”
I summon every sc.r.a.p of courage I've got. ”The 'or' part was real. The friends.h.i.+p was a total lie. I've fantasized about you my whole life.”
He winces at that. ”Your fantasies are no doubt way better than the reality.”
”Don't say that about yourself.”
”Compared to you, I might as well be a virgin. There's nothing I've got that you haven't seen or done or...” He winces again at his own words. ”Not that I mean to call you...anyway.”
”I've never felt like anyone liked me for me. Even though I know I kept some big facts from you, you still knew me better than a lot of people.”
”You were my best friend.”
”I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow it.”
He doesn't answer that for a long minute. He stares at his hands as the seconds tick by. Then he shuts his eyes. ”I lied too. Every time I called you my best friend. I just wanted to kiss you. I mean, come on, I gave you a ma.s.sage that one night. How obvious was that?”
So I wasn't the only one tortured by that whole experience. I feel my cheeks grow warm. I'm guessing someone with more normal dating experience would have picked up on that clue. ”Why me?” I ask.
He folds his arms across his chest as if I've jabbed him with my finger. ”Because...I don't know. You're the one person I could always talk to and you always had my back. You never used me, and you always listened.”
”Lot's of girls can do that.”
”Yeah...not really.”
”And you saw how bad it all got. You don't want more of that.”
”I saw how bad it got, and I saw you...” He looks me in the eye. ”I don't even know a word for it. Triumph doesn't even cover it.”
I shake my head. ”A lot of people still hate me.”
”But you don't hate you.”
”No.” I let myself relax and slouch against the arm of my chair.
”I'm sorry I haven't called or texted or anything,” he says, and he does sound sincerely apologetic. ”My whole world kind of exploded and...”
”I know.”
”Clearly you can take care of yourself but I should've...done...I don't know. Something.”
”You didn't throw fuel on the fire.”
”I chickened out.”
I shake my head again. ”Nah.”
”Kyra, are you dating anyone? It looks like it wouldn't be possible with all the coverage you get, but...”
”I'm not.”
”I miss you.”
Much as I want to believe this, I need to keep a clear head. ”You sure this isn't guilt? It's not because you've got thousands of girls with racy pasts hounding you to prove you could love someone like them?”
”There has been a lot of that, yeah. You have no idea. But no. That's not why. And I understand if you hate me after what my mom and Aiden and Ben did to you. You can throw me out right now and I'll understand. But...” He shrugs. ”I had to try. This is me being brave. Probably not all that impressive to someone like you.”
I press my fingertips to my forehead. My emotions are a churning mess, but I force myself to be logical. Fair. Zach's only seen my media storm from the outside, and it isn't something I'd wish on my worst enemy. ”I've missed you so much. But I really doubt we could just pick up where we left off. Maybe it's better if we both move on.”
”Does that mean you have? You're over me?”
I look away. ”Not yet.” Not for a good long time. My heart's still thoroughly bruised.
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