Part 1 (1/2)

Lunar Park.

Bret Easton Ellis.

The occupational hazard of making a spectacle of yourself, over the long haul, is that at some point you buy a ticket too.-THOMAS MCGUANE, Panama PanamaPeople who have made up their minds about a man do not like to have their opinions changed, to reverse their judgments on account of some new evidence or new arguments, and the man who tries to compel them to change their minds is at least wasting his time, and he may be asking for trouble.-JOHN O'HARAFrom the table of my memory I'll wipe away all trivial fond records, All saws of books, all forms, all pressures past That youth and observation copied there.-Hamlet, I: v. 98 I: v. 98

1. the beginnings

”You do an awfully good impression of yourself.”

This is the first line of Lunar Park Lunar Park and in its brevity and simplicity it was supposed to be a return to form, an echo, of the opening line from my debut novel, and in its brevity and simplicity it was supposed to be a return to form, an echo, of the opening line from my debut novel, Less Than Zero. Less Than Zero.

”People are afraid to merge on freeways in Los Angeles.”

Since then the opening sentences of my novels-no matter how artfully composed-had become overly complicated and ornate, loaded down with a heavy, useless emphasis on minutiae.

My second novel, The Rules of Attraction, The Rules of Attraction, for example, began with this: for example, began with this: and it's a story that might bore you but you don't have to listen, she told me, because she always knew it was going to be like that, and it was, she thinks, her first year, or actually weekend, really a Friday, in September, at Camden, and this was three or four years ago, and she got so drunk that she ended up in bed, lost her virginity (late, she was eighteen) in Lorna Slavin's room, because she was a Freshman and had a roommate and Lorna was, she remembers, a Senior or Junior and usually sometimes at her boyfriend's place off-campus, to who she thought was a Soph.o.m.ore Ceramics major but who was actually either some guy from N.Y.U., a film student, and up in New Hamps.h.i.+re just for The Dressed To Get Screwed party, or a townie.

The following is from my third novel, American Psycho. American Psycho.

ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE is scrawled in blood red lettering on the side of the Chemical Bank near the corner of Eleventh and First and is in print large enough to be seen from the backseat of the cab as it lurches forward in the traffic leaving Wall Street and just as Timothy Price notices the words a bus pulls up, the advertis.e.m.e.nt for Les Miserables Les Miserables on its side blocking his view, but Price who is with Pierce & Pierce and twenty-six doesn't seem to care because he tells the driver he will give him five dollars to turn up the radio, ”Be My Baby” on WYNN, and the driver, black, not American, does so. on its side blocking his view, but Price who is with Pierce & Pierce and twenty-six doesn't seem to care because he tells the driver he will give him five dollars to turn up the radio, ”Be My Baby” on WYNN, and the driver, black, not American, does so.

This, from my fourth novel, Glamorama Glamorama: Specks-specks all over the third panel, see?-no, that that one-the second one up from the floor and I wanted to point this out to someone yesterday but a photo shoot intervened and Yaki Nakamari or whatever the h.e.l.l the designer's name is-a master craftsman one-the second one up from the floor and I wanted to point this out to someone yesterday but a photo shoot intervened and Yaki Nakamari or whatever the h.e.l.l the designer's name is-a master craftsman not not-mistook me for someone else so I couldn't register the complaint, but, gentlemen-and ladies-there they are: specks, specks, annoying, tiny specks, and they annoying, tiny specks, and they don't don't look accidental but like they were somehow done by a machine-so I don't want a lot of description, just the story, streamlined, no frills, the lowdown: who, what, where, when and don't leave out why, though I'm getting the distinct impression by the looks on your sorry faces that look accidental but like they were somehow done by a machine-so I don't want a lot of description, just the story, streamlined, no frills, the lowdown: who, what, where, when and don't leave out why, though I'm getting the distinct impression by the looks on your sorry faces that why why won't get answered-now, come on, G.o.dd.a.m.nit, what's the won't get answered-now, come on, G.o.dd.a.m.nit, what's the story story?

(The Informers was a short story collection published between was a short story collection published between American Psycho American Psycho and and Glamorama Glamorama and since much of it was written while I was still in college-before the publication of and since much of it was written while I was still in college-before the publication of Less Than Zero Less Than Zero-it was an example of the same stripped-down minimalism.) As anyone who had closely followed the progression of my career could glimpse-and if fiction inadvertently reveals a writer's inner life-things were getting out of hand, resembling something that according to the New York Times New York Times had become ”bizarrely complicated . . . bloated and trivial . . . hyped-up,” and I didn't necessarily disagree. I wanted a return to that past simplicity. I was overwhelmed by my life, and those first sentences seemed reflections of what had gone wrong. It was time to get back to basics, and though I hoped that one lean sentence-”You do an awfully good impression of yourself”-would start the process, I also realized that it was going to require more than a string of words to clear away the clutter and damage that had ama.s.sed around me. But it would be the beginning. had become ”bizarrely complicated . . . bloated and trivial . . . hyped-up,” and I didn't necessarily disagree. I wanted a return to that past simplicity. I was overwhelmed by my life, and those first sentences seemed reflections of what had gone wrong. It was time to get back to basics, and though I hoped that one lean sentence-”You do an awfully good impression of yourself”-would start the process, I also realized that it was going to require more than a string of words to clear away the clutter and damage that had ama.s.sed around me. But it would be the beginning.

When I was a student at Camden College in New Hamps.h.i.+re I took a novel-writing tutorial and produced during the winter of 1983 a ma.n.u.script that eventually became Less Than Zero. Less Than Zero. It detailed a wealthy, alienated, s.e.xually ambiguous young man's Christmas break from an eastern college in Los Angeles-more specifically Beverly Hills-and all the parties he wandered through and all the drugs he consumed and all the girls and boys he had s.e.x with and all the friends he pa.s.sively watched drift into addiction, prost.i.tution and vast apathy; days were spent speeding toward the beach club with beautiful blondes in gleaming convertibles while high on Nembutal; nights were lost in VIP rooms at trendy clubs and snorting cocaine at the window tables of Spago. It was an indictment not only of a way of life I was familiar with but also-I thought rather grandly-of the Reagan eighties and, more indirectly, of Western civilization in the present moment. My teacher was convinced as well, and after some casual edits and revisions (I had written it quickly in an eight-week crystal-meth binge on the floor of my bedroom in L.A.) he submitted it to his agent and publisher, who both agreed to take it on (the publisher somewhat reluctantly-one member of the editorial board arguing, ”If there's an audience for a novel about c.o.ke-snorting, c.o.c.k-sucking zombies, then by all means let's publish the d.a.m.n thing”), and I watched with a mixture of fear and fascination-laced with excitement-its transformation from a student a.s.signment into a glossy hardcover that became a huge best seller and zeitgeist touchstone, was translated into twenty-five languages and made into a big-budget Hollywood movie, all within the s.p.a.ce of about sixteen months. And in the early fall of 1985, just four months after publication, three things happened simultaneously: I became independently wealthy, I became insanely famous, and, most important, I escaped my father. It detailed a wealthy, alienated, s.e.xually ambiguous young man's Christmas break from an eastern college in Los Angeles-more specifically Beverly Hills-and all the parties he wandered through and all the drugs he consumed and all the girls and boys he had s.e.x with and all the friends he pa.s.sively watched drift into addiction, prost.i.tution and vast apathy; days were spent speeding toward the beach club with beautiful blondes in gleaming convertibles while high on Nembutal; nights were lost in VIP rooms at trendy clubs and snorting cocaine at the window tables of Spago. It was an indictment not only of a way of life I was familiar with but also-I thought rather grandly-of the Reagan eighties and, more indirectly, of Western civilization in the present moment. My teacher was convinced as well, and after some casual edits and revisions (I had written it quickly in an eight-week crystal-meth binge on the floor of my bedroom in L.A.) he submitted it to his agent and publisher, who both agreed to take it on (the publisher somewhat reluctantly-one member of the editorial board arguing, ”If there's an audience for a novel about c.o.ke-snorting, c.o.c.k-sucking zombies, then by all means let's publish the d.a.m.n thing”), and I watched with a mixture of fear and fascination-laced with excitement-its transformation from a student a.s.signment into a glossy hardcover that became a huge best seller and zeitgeist touchstone, was translated into twenty-five languages and made into a big-budget Hollywood movie, all within the s.p.a.ce of about sixteen months. And in the early fall of 1985, just four months after publication, three things happened simultaneously: I became independently wealthy, I became insanely famous, and, most important, I escaped my father.

My father made the bulk of his money from highly speculative real estate deals, most of them during the Reagan years, and the freedom this money bought made him increasingly unstable. But my father had always been a problem-careless, abusive, alcoholic, vain, angry, paranoid-and even after my parents divorced when I was a teenager (my mother's demand) his power and control continued to loom over the family (which also included two younger sisters) in ways that were all monetary (endless arguments between lawyers about alimony and child support). It was a mission of his, a crusade, to weaken us, to make us intensely aware of how we-not his behavior-were to blame for the fact that he was no longer wanted in our lives. He left the house in Sherman Oaks under protest and moved to Newport Beach and his rage continued to clash with our peaceful Southern California surroundings: the lazy days hanging by the pool beneath a relentlessly clear and sunny sky, the mindless wanderings through the Galleria, the endless driving with swaying palm trees guiding us toward our destinations, the easygoing conversations over a soundtrack of Fleetwood Mac and the Eagles-all the laid-back advantages of growing up in that time and place were considerably darkened by his invisible presence. This languid lifestyle, decadent and loose, never relaxed my father. He remained, always, locked in a kind of demented fury, no matter how mellow the surface circ.u.mstances of his life really were. And because of this the world was threatening to us in a vague and abstract way we couldn't work ourselves out of-the map had disappeared, the compa.s.s had been smashed, we were lost. My sisters and I discovered a dark side to life at an unusually early age. We learned from our father's behavior that the world lacked coherence, and that within this chaos people were doomed to failure, and these realizations clouded our every ambition. And so my father was the sole reason I fled to a college in New Hamps.h.i.+re rather than stay in L.A. with my girlfriend and enroll at USC like most of my cla.s.smates from the private school we attended in the San Fernando Valley suburbs ultimately did. That was my desperate plan. But it was too late. My father had blackened my perception of the world, and his sneering, sarcastic att.i.tude toward everything had latched on to me. As much as I wanted to escape his influence, I couldn't. It had soaked into me, shaped me into the man I was becoming. Whatever optimism I might have held on to had been swept away by the very nature of his being. The uselessness in thinking that escaping him physically would make a difference was so pathetic that I spent that first year at Camden paralyzed by anxiety and depression. The thing I resented most about my father was that the pain he inflicted on me-verbal and physical-was the reason I became a writer. (Added fact: he also beat our dog.) Since he had no faith in my talent as a writer my father demanded that I attend business school at USC (my grades were poor but he had connections), even though I wanted to enroll somewhere as geographically distant from him as possible-an art school, I kept stressing over his roar, that offered no business courses. I found none in Maine so I chose Camden, a small liberal arts college nestled in the bucolic hills of northeastern New Hamps.h.i.+re. My father, typically enraged, refused to pay the tuition. However, my grandfather-who at the time was being sued by his son over a money matter so circuitous and complicated that I'm still not sure how or why it began-footed the bill. I'm fairly certain the reason my grandfather paid the outrageously expensive tuition had to do with the fact that it would upset my father greatly, which it did. When I started attending Camden in the fall of 1982, my father and I stopped speaking, which for me was a relief. This mutual silence prevailed until Less Than Zero Less Than Zero was published and became a success. His negative, disapproving att.i.tude about me then metamorphosed, by the popularity of the novel, into a curiously glowing acceptance that intensified my loathing for him even more. My father created me, criticized me, destroyed me and, then, after I reinvented myself and lurched back into being, became a proud, boastful dad who attempted to reenter my life, all within what seemed to me a matter of days. Again I felt defeated, even though I had gained control through my newfound independence. Not accepting phone calls or requests to visit-refusing any and all contact with him-gave me no pleasure; it didn't vindicate anything. I had won the lottery yet still felt poor and needy. So I threw myself into the new life that was now offered, even though-being a savvy, jaded L.A. kid-I should have known better. was published and became a success. His negative, disapproving att.i.tude about me then metamorphosed, by the popularity of the novel, into a curiously glowing acceptance that intensified my loathing for him even more. My father created me, criticized me, destroyed me and, then, after I reinvented myself and lurched back into being, became a proud, boastful dad who attempted to reenter my life, all within what seemed to me a matter of days. Again I felt defeated, even though I had gained control through my newfound independence. Not accepting phone calls or requests to visit-refusing any and all contact with him-gave me no pleasure; it didn't vindicate anything. I had won the lottery yet still felt poor and needy. So I threw myself into the new life that was now offered, even though-being a savvy, jaded L.A. kid-I should have known better.

The novel was mistaken for autobiography (I had written three autobiographical novels-all unpublished-before Less Than Zero, Less Than Zero, so it was much more fiction-based and less a roman a clef than most first novels) and its sensational scenes (the snuff film, the gang rape of the twelve-year-old, the decomposing corpse in the alley, the murder at the drive-in) were taken from lurid rumors that whispered through the group I hung with in L.A. and not from anything experienced directly. But the press became extremely preoccupied with the book's ”shocking” content and especially with its style: very brief scenes written in a kind of controlled, cinematic haiku. The book was short and an easy read (you could consume this ”piece of black candy”- so it was much more fiction-based and less a roman a clef than most first novels) and its sensational scenes (the snuff film, the gang rape of the twelve-year-old, the decomposing corpse in the alley, the murder at the drive-in) were taken from lurid rumors that whispered through the group I hung with in L.A. and not from anything experienced directly. But the press became extremely preoccupied with the book's ”shocking” content and especially with its style: very brief scenes written in a kind of controlled, cinematic haiku. The book was short and an easy read (you could consume this ”piece of black candy”-New York Magazine-in a couple of hours) and because of its large type (and no chapter lasting more than a page or two) it became known as ”the novel for the MTV generation” (courtesy of USA Today USA Today) and I found myself being labeled by just about everyone as the voice of this new generation. The fact that I was only twenty-one and there were no other voices yet seemed not to matter. I was a s.e.xy story and no one was interested in pointing out the paucity of other leaders. Besides being profiled in every magazine and newspaper that existed, I was interviewed on the Today Today show (for a record twelve minutes), on show (for a record twelve minutes), on Good Morning America, Good Morning America, by Barbara Walters, by Oprah Winfrey; I appeared on Letterman. William F. Buckley and I had a very lively conversation on by Barbara Walters, by Oprah Winfrey; I appeared on Letterman. William F. Buckley and I had a very lively conversation on Firing Line. Firing Line. For an entire week I introduced videos on MTV. Back at Camden I was engaged (briefly) to four different girls who hadn't seemed particularly interested before the book was published. At the graduation party my father threw for me at The Carlyle the attendees included Madonna, Andy Warhol with Keith Haring and Jean-Michel Basquiat, Molly Ringwald, John McEnroe, Ronald Reagan Jr., John-John Kennedy, the entire cast of For an entire week I introduced videos on MTV. Back at Camden I was engaged (briefly) to four different girls who hadn't seemed particularly interested before the book was published. At the graduation party my father threw for me at The Carlyle the attendees included Madonna, Andy Warhol with Keith Haring and Jean-Michel Basquiat, Molly Ringwald, John McEnroe, Ronald Reagan Jr., John-John Kennedy, the entire cast of St. Elmo's Fire, St. Elmo's Fire, various VJs and members of my ma.s.sive fan club, which five Va.s.sar seniors had started, with a film crew from various VJs and members of my ma.s.sive fan club, which five Va.s.sar seniors had started, with a film crew from 20/20 20/20 covering the event. Also attending was Jay McInerney, who had recently published a similar first novel, covering the event. Also attending was Jay McInerney, who had recently published a similar first novel, Bright Lights, Big City, Bright Lights, Big City, about young people and drugs in New York, that made him an overnight sensation and my closest East Coast rival; one critic pointed out in one of the many articles comparing the two novels that if you subst.i.tuted the word ”chocolate” for ”cocaine” both about young people and drugs in New York, that made him an overnight sensation and my closest East Coast rival; one critic pointed out in one of the many articles comparing the two novels that if you subst.i.tuted the word ”chocolate” for ”cocaine” both Less Than Zero Less Than Zero and and Bright Lights, Big City Bright Lights, Big City would be considered children's books, and because we were photographed together so often people began to mix the two of us up-to simplify things the New York press simply referred to us as the Toxic Twins. After graduating from Camden I moved to New York and bought a condo in the same building both Cher and Tom Cruise lived in, a block from Union Square Park. And as the real world continued to melt away I became a founding member of something called the literary Brat Pack. would be considered children's books, and because we were photographed together so often people began to mix the two of us up-to simplify things the New York press simply referred to us as the Toxic Twins. After graduating from Camden I moved to New York and bought a condo in the same building both Cher and Tom Cruise lived in, a block from Union Square Park. And as the real world continued to melt away I became a founding member of something called the literary Brat Pack.